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Can someone talk me through this bout of social anxiety please?

8 replies

manoamango · 12/09/2019 13:41

I've been a member here for a long time but don't really post that much. Have name changed for this because I don't want it linked to the few posts I have made.

I'm going through a tough time at the moment and my self confidence has taken a hit. As a result, I'm having some anxiety issues, especially today and don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to IRL so I'm hoping you lovely people will help me work through it.

I work for a massive international company in a mid-level management role. I don't get involved in day-to-day project operations but get called on for trouble-shooting/problem solving. I also run a lot of training sessions in my field and run a community of practice for employees so I'm pretty well known in our local office (1800 people, most would at least recognise my name) and at the head office.

I've decided to leave the company. I'm still on very good terms with my boss and upper management but the company strategy has shifted to require compromises on my part that I am not willing to make (more travel to maintain my current role or accepting a lower level position to stay here). We talked it all through and this is best for all concerned. It took me less than a week to find a new job so all is good.

Now to the anxiety part: today is my leaving party. The nature of my job means that the guest list was pretty long. My original list was over 150. I cut it down to 80 before sending out the invitation. Some people have replied via email, others have replied in person. In theory there should be around 50 people but a little, nagging part of me is convinced that nobody is going to come and I'm going to end up eating peanuts and drinking fruit punch in the office cantine on my own like a lemon. Or that a few people will turn up and that will make it even worse. Or that the people who do turn up will not have planned anything in the way of a present/card (this sounds shallow/grabby but presents are a big thing here, there seems to be a collection going for something or other every week).

My rational mind knows that there is no reason for me to feel like this. I am well liked here, have helped a lot of people, lots of people have tried to convince me to change my mind and stay. Failing all that, one of my best friends also works here and there is no way on earth (barring a natural disaster) that he would leave me standing.

I just can't shake the little voice that tells me I'm stupid to have organised this in the first place and that nobody here cares enough about me to come.

Will someone please give me a (gentle) kick up the bum please?

OP posts:
Foslady · 12/09/2019 13:58

I’m sure people will be there - it’s natural to be apprehensive and think worst case scenario, but you know what? Unless jobs overlap you won’t have to see any of them again!!!!
Walk in with a big faked smile and soon it will be real when you see how many turn up. You’ve made a difference on a personal level to lots of people, they want you to stay - you will smile when you look back at this worry - good luck FlowersWine

ShirleyPhallus · 12/09/2019 14:00

Bless you OP.

FWIW, people at work LOVE the chance for a free glass of wine. At my leaving do all sorts of people I didn’t expect to turn up came - pretty much all of IT and all our project support team turned up totally unexpectedly

milliefiori · 12/09/2019 14:14

I'm sure your worries are unfounded. But actually I think you are doing the best thing for your anxiety by imagining the worst case scenario: no one turns up or only two or three do and it's embarrassing. So imagine it is that awful. And then imagine tomorrow. The world will still be turning. You'll still have a new exciting job to head off to. You'd survive. It wouldn't be the most memorable day of your life but it wouldn't be the most horrific either.
And chances are, it will be absolutely fine.

manoamango · 12/09/2019 14:16

thanks to both of you for replying. I know that I'm being stupid but it is nice to hear it from someone else

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 12/09/2019 18:14

Good luck tonight OP! Hope you’re already in the pub with a drink in hand and lots of people there already

Foslady · 12/09/2019 23:00

How did it go @manoamango? Hope you had a wonderful time

manoamango · 13/09/2019 06:11

Good morning all,

Thanks again for the support yesterday. Leaving do was lovely. Not as many people as there could have been but still enough to make me feel better and a nice cross section of people too.

My best friend was the one who took care of the gift with just the right mix of humour and relevance. A couple of small, jokey presents, a book and a voucher for a local spa.

OP posts:
Foslady · 13/09/2019 07:21

So glad it went well - not about quantity, more quality. Blame it on being a school night too.
And I think that people have reflected their thoughts more in your gifts - that spa voucher wouldn’t have been cheap! And what a thoughtful gift, the gift of relaxation Flowers

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