I've been a member here for a long time but don't really post that much. Have name changed for this because I don't want it linked to the few posts I have made.
I'm going through a tough time at the moment and my self confidence has taken a hit. As a result, I'm having some anxiety issues, especially today and don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to IRL so I'm hoping you lovely people will help me work through it.
I work for a massive international company in a mid-level management role. I don't get involved in day-to-day project operations but get called on for trouble-shooting/problem solving. I also run a lot of training sessions in my field and run a community of practice for employees so I'm pretty well known in our local office (1800 people, most would at least recognise my name) and at the head office.
I've decided to leave the company. I'm still on very good terms with my boss and upper management but the company strategy has shifted to require compromises on my part that I am not willing to make (more travel to maintain my current role or accepting a lower level position to stay here). We talked it all through and this is best for all concerned. It took me less than a week to find a new job so all is good.
Now to the anxiety part: today is my leaving party. The nature of my job means that the guest list was pretty long. My original list was over 150. I cut it down to 80 before sending out the invitation. Some people have replied via email, others have replied in person. In theory there should be around 50 people but a little, nagging part of me is convinced that nobody is going to come and I'm going to end up eating peanuts and drinking fruit punch in the office cantine on my own like a lemon. Or that a few people will turn up and that will make it even worse. Or that the people who do turn up will not have planned anything in the way of a present/card (this sounds shallow/grabby but presents are a big thing here, there seems to be a collection going for something or other every week).
My rational mind knows that there is no reason for me to feel like this. I am well liked here, have helped a lot of people, lots of people have tried to convince me to change my mind and stay. Failing all that, one of my best friends also works here and there is no way on earth (barring a natural disaster) that he would leave me standing.
I just can't shake the little voice that tells me I'm stupid to have organised this in the first place and that nobody here cares enough about me to come.
Will someone please give me a (gentle) kick up the bum please?