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Original poster

Offering them our baby stuff

30 replies

Wwydpooh · 12/09/2019 10:49

We have 2 kids. Just found out some close friends are expecting. Very excited for them, they've been trying for a while. They don't have much money and are in the process of buying a house which is obviously expensive.

I'm currently sorting through DC2s stuff with a view to selling/ donating stuff. I'm a massive fan of second hand/ pre-loved stuff and did buy most of it second hand (through choice, we could afford new) but it's in great condition.

Would it be crass/ offensive to offer it to them (for free). It includes a few more expensive items (co-sleeper, travel system etc) as well as the usual harder to get rid of stuff (bouncer, baby gym, clothes etc).

Would you find it offensive to be offered it all? Would it look like we didn't think they could afford it? I would be doing it because we don't need it, not because we think they can't afford to provide for their child. I wouldn't be offended if they said they'd prefer to buy new. They don't seem the easily offended type but I'm always surprised at what people get offended by! (I'm hard to offend!).

OP posts:
user1474894224 · 12/09/2019 10:51

Just tell them you are in the process of getting rid of it. But if they would like anything you'd be delighted to give it to them. Although obviously not offended if they say no.

rhos · 12/09/2019 11:06

Ahh you're a kind soul. Maybe just message over pictures saying "I'm about to part ways with this stuff - would any of it be any use to you? Might save buying it and save some cash for the other bigger items"

Nonmerci · 12/09/2019 11:07

I’d send some photos and ask if any of it is any good to them.

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Original poster
Wwydpooh · 12/09/2019 11:15

Great, so not a total faux pas then! We had no one offer us anything so didn't know if it was the done thing.

I wasn't planning on making a big thing of it so yes, messaging some photos over seems a great way.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 12/09/2019 11:22

Are you sure you won't want it back? If there's a chance you'll have another baby (as I did after 7 year gap) then you could offer to lend the items to them. If you're sure you won't need them again, then definitely tell them you have baby stuff stored away and they are welcome to look and see if there is anything they would like to take. We'd given everything away and when I found out I was pregnant again so we thought we'd have to buy new. But we were so lucky to be offered everything we needed and we gratefully accepted it all. One person did come looking for her items back to sell them on, which was fine, though they had definitely seen better days after her kids and my Ds.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 12/09/2019 11:24

Why not tell them you’re having a clear out and you here the idea of the stuff going to waste and ask if they’d like it. You could do it in such a way that you let them know that they’d be doing you a favour too.

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 12/09/2019 11:29

I know someone who gave away a Moses basket and within three months had to ask for it back 👶😄

Original poster
Wwydpooh · 12/09/2019 11:31

Drum2018 no intentions of number 3, and we wouldn't keep it anyway (didn't keep stuff between 1&2).

OP posts:
Original poster
Wwydpooh · 12/09/2019 11:33

gladimnotcampinginthisweather I bought 2nd hand for dc1, sold on for no loss and bought 2nd hand again for DC2.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2019 11:36

I think it's fine op. I'm pregnant with 2&3, friends have offered stuff they're getting rid of and I haven't assumed it's cos I'm poorer than them. Yoican always put a low price on the bigger stuff so you make some money back but tbryre still saving

IWouldPreferNotTo · 12/09/2019 11:40

I was absolutely delighted when friends said "help me get rid of all the baby crap in my attic". Some things we bought off friends as they were expensive and in excellent condition (nursing chair & cot) but we were given a ton of stuff.

We were often the third or fourth person to be using something that had been passed down (or along) and I think that's how it should be. It's better for the environment and means money can be saved for what's really useful (beer & wine).

Embracelife · 12/09/2019 11:43

"I am clearing baby stuff to give away..
so you want to come and see if any thing would be useful.to you?you are welcome to take any or all"

Nothing offensive in that .

SerenavanderWoodson · 12/09/2019 11:46

I’d be delighted!

Di11y · 12/09/2019 11:46

I'm always saying how desperate I am for my baby stuff to go to a good home. it's fine.

TixieLix · 12/09/2019 11:55

That's a lovely gesture OP. I'd just let them know you're having a clear out and want to give them first refusal on some baby bits before you offer them elsewhere. Be clear whether the items are free or if you expect payment so there's no misunderstanding. Also mention that you understand lots of people like to buy new for their firstborn, so you absolutely won't be offended if they say no. Good idea to include pics.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 12/09/2019 12:01

I’ve lent looooooads of baby stuff to my sister. It’s not a case that she can’t afford to buy her own stuff, but mine is max 2 years old, has been kept well in a smoke free house and regularly cleaned.

If she uses it as well as me for my 2 dc, I feel like I’ve got better value for money Grin. And in a virtue signalling way, it’s better for the environment for reliable family and friends to share goods with such a short lifespan instead of buying the same stuff over and over again.

Her0utdoors · 12/09/2019 12:02

How exciting for them and you! They will be able to pass it on when they're done too. A friend of mine had a co-sleeper that she's passed around friends, it must have had at least 8 babies use it (or piles of laundry heaped in it, which is what happened to it when it was here for my dc).

HamiltonBentley · 12/09/2019 12:13

I'm currently pregnant with DC1 - a handful of friends have offered us bits & bobs. We are so, so grateful!!

AllNewDay · 12/09/2019 12:20

The done thing in my social circle is to ask any expecting friends to have a look through the baby stuff and they take what they like, rest gets donated/sold on. Sometimes people ask for money in the range of what they would have made selling it if it is a bigger item but that really depends on everyone's financial means. So I'd say offer them!

Me and some friends also do that with special occasion dresses - they just get passed around to whoever wears the right size and needs a dress for, you guessed it, an occasion. Means we get to wear all the pretty dresses! Grin

Wixi · 12/09/2019 12:23

I did this with someone at work, I had cleared out bags of clothes and a bicycle, and said to him "feel free to say no, I won't be offended. It'll go to the charity shop anyway, but it's yours if you want it". He was delighted and took it but I wouldn't have been bothered either way.

GreenTulips · 12/09/2019 12:27

I was given a cot clothes baby chair high chair etc as well as new gifts

I was also given maternity clothes

All of which I passed on to a friends

It’s very much the done thing

Bear2014 · 12/09/2019 12:32

Very much the done thing! I'm always shifting bags of things to friends, also no intention of any more DC. Our extended friendship groups and local postcode seems to be a never-ending merry go round of baby things. It's great because if everyone bought new and never passed on it would be a massive waste of money and environmental disaster.

DelurkingAJ · 12/09/2019 13:17

It never occurred to me that people wouldn’t offer and that we wouldn’t accept and then pass onwards (or return). My maternity clothing has done 7 babies at last count (2 mine) and everything else is being passed on if decent. All the people involved are fairly well off professionals so it’s more ‘why waste money?’ than anything else.

DameSylvieKrin · 12/09/2019 13:20

It’s a class thing. Middle class are more likely to reuse. Working class more likely to buy new. So bear that in mind when offering.

SuziGeo · 12/09/2019 14:44

I think it's a nice idea. I certainly wouldn't be offended, in fact would say the opposite, I think it's nice that they thought of me. Especially for clothes/items that are only used for a few months.