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Difficult dsd

8 replies

miagerbies · 10/09/2019 18:08

Dsd is 11, I've been in her life since she was 5. We have eow and 1 night in the week. All has been OK up to now, she's always been very high strung - once went blue because she was hyperventilating because of a headache - that kind of thing.

Her mother is difficult, but dsd is close to her. She frequently badmouths me and dh to dsd, deletes her dad's texts from dsds phone etc.

Last weekend, dsd texted dh out of the blue, saying she doesn't want to see him anymore, she hates him, she hates me, she hates our house, he's the worst daddy in the world and mummy is much better etc. He went round her mums to see what was going on, and she just screamed at him that she never wants to see him again, and a lot of other very hurtful things. Dh is in bits. They've always been so close. There's just no reason.

She's been worse since getting an iPhone from her mum on her birthday, is literally glued to it 24/7 and doesn't want to do anything else. Her personality has changed.

Dh doesn't know what to do. Does he just leave her? Make her come over as usual even if she doesn't want to? He's so hurt and I don't know what to do about this. I have a bs who is 9 so I don't have any experience with preteen girls.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 10/09/2019 18:17

Hmmm that's a tricky one. I know when I was a kid and being difficult, my DM used to say, " ok suit yourself. Do as you like", and after a short while I'd have to re-think. I don't know if this would work with your dsd, but maybe your dh should just take a step back and just make it clear that he'll be there for her when she's ready?

miagerbies · 10/09/2019 18:23

Yeah, good idea. Right now I just feel blindsided as we could not have given her more when she's with us.

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 10/09/2019 19:46

Has she just started secondary school? Something has made her fraught. If she's new to an iPhone and glued to it, she might be measuring herself against unrealistic representations of girls or even being cyber bullies by schoolmates.

You DH could talk to school if his ex ans DD won't share the problem. All he can do is be there if she calls and reassure her his love doesn't shatter because she yelled at him.

So hard...

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miagerbies · 10/09/2019 19:49

She actually started high school last Friday

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 10/09/2019 20:09

She’s 11 years old. She’s too young to decide to cut a parent out of her life.

Something might be going on to drive the behaviour but if the mother isn’t encouraging contact and you chant get to the reason why then I would go to court and get a contact order.

Whatevskev · 10/09/2019 20:21

How far away is she? If I was DH I would’ve over there asking her what it’s all about- calmly and kindly

If she refuses to see him then bide his time and if nothing still go to court

miagerbies · 10/09/2019 20:40

She is a 5 minute drive away. She is next due to see him next Thursday. I said to dh that he should call her school and tell them that he will be collecting her regardless. He doesn't think this is a good idea.

OP posts:
Whatevskev · 10/09/2019 22:00

Did he reply to her text?
Has he asked his ex if she knows what it is about?

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