6th Form College - How Involved Are Parents??

[RockinHippy]

My DD does have some SN as in she has significant health problems & as of yet, possible/probable undiagnosed high functioning autism.

Since signing up for 6th firm college, she's become very precious about keeping it all to herself & pushing us out of "interfering" seeing it as at 16, she's an adult & has to deal with it all herself or look sillly.

All well & good & I'm proud she wants to, want her to be able to cope, but she needs additional support & I'm concerned as due to high anxiety she struggles to speak up a lot of the time.

She's lost forms I was meant to fill in about her additional needs & diagnosis, though some of the information was given on earlier forms & DD insists that they already have everything they need about her & gets very angry if I suggest I need to double check.

Red flag to me is that her induction appointment today was at 8.30 am, her medical condition has chronic pain & chronic fatigue as symptoms (amongst other things) so early starts mean she needs to be up at silly o'clock for early appointments to give herself a few hours for her body to wake up & get moving again. She was so anxious about over sleeping that she's worked on homework through the night & avoided sleeping at all

Surely this should have been taken into account when dishing out the appointments, CFS is listed in her medical conditions & symptoms on firms I initially gave in. The fact it wasn't, concerns me that there's a lack of understanding & I do need to contact them to make sure everything is in place that she will need

Are parents really pretty much barred from dealing with the college on their DCs behalf in such situations, unless it's money needed😏----
Am I "fussing & treating her like a baby" as she'd have me believe ??
TIA

I'm suspicious the lost forms weren't lost at all, she just didn't want my sending them in, though she denied tag,

It’s healthy to want to separate, I’m sure you’re quite proud of this bid for independence. She sounds very determined, which will stand her in really good stead for the future. But you do need to find a way of making sure that all the admin gets done. Can you reframe it with her? Think of it as an organisational challenge rather than a parenting one?
I completely understand her need not to be defined by her SEN, my daughter had the same feeling.
Is there anyone at school who can help her to be organised and you to be kept in the loop?

And no, 18 is the cut off, at 16 you’re still responsible, no question.

In your situation I think you do need yo get in touch with them to ensure they have a handle on DDs needs.

Is it possible she is not giving them all the info as she wants to fit in and be seen as 'normal'?

Barely. Three children, in three different 6th forms. They are expected to self manage, Only required to turn up on parents evening. Two with SEN.

There didn't even used to be parents' evenings for 6th form...

I think serious health problems and special needs do change things though - can you just ring the office about the admin, ask whether they can please put a not on file about her chronic fatigue and pain (though presumably 8:30 is barely any earlier than the usual start of the sixth form day) and get them to email the form to you, and you scan it and email it back or post it? Her friends needn't know anything about her health or your involvement in admin.

Generally sixth formers manage their own things, own forms (including things like send access arrangements etc).

There's generally more parental involvement at a sixth form attached to a school than a stand alone sixth form college. At our sixth form centre we contact home where we have concerns and we have a pastoral team who will talk to parents in this sort of situation.

In terms of induction times, they are what they are. Part of sixth form is they get used to managing their barriers because in 2 years people won't change day running schedules around them. It's a half way house between the tailored flexibility of school and the less accomodating wider world.

I would call to speak to a pastoral manager, explain the situation and see what contact arrangements you can have that is more a half way house arrangement.

Just parents evening once a year for us. The enrolment time isn't early. My daughter has to be in school for 8.30am every day for sixth form.

Thanks for the replies everyone. That's pretty much as I thought, but I have her blowing a gasket if I even question her about college stuff🙄 so I wobbled a bit as I don't want to be over fussy.

She is fiercely independent, which is admirable, but not when she can't cope & wont speak up. Which unfortunately is a common occurrence with her & I only often only know about it due to the foul volatile mood she is in, as she's overwhelmed & I have to pick apart what's up with her. Or we get hysterical phone calls to go & pick her up as she's falling apart & got herself into a dangerous or unmanageable situation ☹️

Is it possible she is not giving them all the info as she wants to fit in and be seen as 'normal'?

Lemon unfortunately I think you've hit the nail on the head as that is something she has done time & time again, routed in bullying linked to her health problems. So it's my biggest worry that she'll see this as a fresh start, where nobody knows she has a disability & she can be "normal". She's been very animated telling me how happy 2 of her trans friends are that they start college afresh as who they are now, not who they were, & I can see that would be appealing to her as she's already as secretive as she can get away with, even with her friends, though thankfully she's open with a couple of them who are a great support to her.

Though that's been now blown out of the water, I'd guess it's bad practice, but there's a bit of me that's relieved she can't hide it anymore.

She's just got back & is upset that during a presentation with 3 different classes in one room. They've given out their information packs to each student. DDs had a sheet of paper in her pack, the teacher then waved this at DD & announced, "don't worry, we got your extra needs" noticed by 2 other students sitting near to her who both said how horrified they were for her.
DDs take on it "great, as if I wasn't anxious enough, they just announced to 3 forms that I'm "special" I just replied " oh good, now you don't need to worry about people not knowing or understanding & if you are worried, you can let them know your diagnosis as you get to know them" she huffed, but seems to have accepted that though she's had her hand forced, it could be a good thing.

Looks like I do need to speak to them anyway now.

Interesting that a lot of colleges start early, here it's 10, which we thought is quite forward thinking & suits the teenage brain better & will definitely help her cope & why we were so surprised at the 8.30 appointment. College is also odd in that it's part of a school, yet completely separate if that makes any sense, so I've no idea how that fits with it been attached to a school

Thanks for that insight Lola. I do understand what you mean & support that & DD is incredibly determined, she's more than proved herself with her GCSE results despite necessary low attendance. Unfortunately her health problems do impact on her significantly & unless there's a miracle (& we've had one that got her out of a wheelchair, so I'm always hopeful) she's only going to be able to manage part time work. Though she's very bright & a powerhouse of determination on her good days though.

Thanks again everyone. I've found a relevant email & will contact the college

My dd approached the senco, suggested the things she would like to happen to make her experience better, then we both went to see her together. It made all the difference.

This was after one of dd’s lecturers tore me off a strip for not supporting dd. I had to leave the meeting with him so I didn’t cause him physical harm.

I wasn't involved at all, even with a SEN, but able, son. I did say I would go to parents evenings if reports showed issues. They didnt, so I didnt.

I met both DCs college lecturers at exhibitions and apprenticeship talks (which I did go to) and they were always very complimentary of his work ethic, independence and - importantly - resilience. That can only be built on when given the experience and college is a good place for that.

Obviously if issues are raised, you get involved

We found them very resistant to any parental input at all. We had to really stand firm and ask for one parents' evening which we'd like to attend in 2 years.
They did have parents' evening but they only expected to see someone if they decided the pupil needed it.