Please help- driving nerves

[InTheTempest]

I passed my theory 2 years ago, was having lessons but was getting so horrendously anxious and dreading lessons so much that I gave up.

I've just started learning again in the past month, had to retake my theory and passed that on Thursday. I've got a 2 hour lesson this morning and I'm dreading it. The nerves are honestly so bad, I was nearly sick not long ago.

Please, does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to get through this?

Be absolutely honest with the instructor. S/he will have encountered nerves like yours before and will know how to deal with them. You won’t be taken onto the local racetrack dual carriageway or whatever this morning.

Can you identify why you are so nervous? Eg bad experience in a car, previous RTA or whatever? There’s nothing wrong with feeling nervous and IMO it shows respect for the lethal weapon that a car can be in the wrong hands.

You’ll be fine

Thank you.

I have no idea why I get so nervous tbh. Have only ever been driven around by very competent drivers, no RTAs or anything. I have suffered from anxiety on and off since I was a teenager so this is probably just a manifestation of that.

I'm 31 now. Have two kids and not driving holds me back so much. I just don't trust myself to be able to do it properly or ever drive them around. I'm terrified of hurting them or anyone else. I'm so conscious of it that I'm scared it will actually make me worse because it's so hard to do anything properly when you're nervous.

Driving instructor knows how nervous I am and is good but it's very hard to keep going feeling like this.

I was exactly the same. I got some hypnotherapy though and it made a huge difference. I eventually passed my test and now I drive all over the place and never think anything of it. Getting the right instructor is really important- don't be afraid to find another one if you don't click with them!

Do you know, as I started typing the OP I thought about hypnotherapy. Right I'm looking into that ASAP, thank you

I felt the same, passed at around your age. It’s horrible, you have my sympathy.

You definitely need to get some form of calming assistance, meditation app, hypnotherapy.

It’s hard, but so worth it. Try and take the pressure off a bit, you’ll get there.

I was like you when learning to drive, I couldn't manage more than 20 mins of a lesson without ending up in tears or having a panic attack and having to be driven home. But I eventually passed and now I don't actively enjoy driving but I can get about just fine!

A few things that helped me:

Consider learning in an automatic. It helped me immensely that I was able to concentrate more on what was going on around me rather without also having to think about gears/clutch.

I was so scared if making the wrong decision (when to pull out, who has right of way etc) that I ended up panicking and making no decisions! I had to ask my instructor for guidance at almost every point. He got me to narrate the drive as I went ( ie say out loud stuff like 'I need to get into the right had lane for this roundabout, that car has right of way, now I can go' etc). That allows your instructor to tell you if you are going to make a mistake, but actually eventually you realise that your decisions get better and you are actually getting it right until you no longer need instruction!

Look up diaphragm breathing.

Thank you for all your suggestions. It helped knowing that others had been in my position when I had the lesson today. And it went ok, the nerves settled.

I did consider learning in an automatic but it is hard to find instructors in my area, and I also considered learning more intensively may actually help and it's much easier to find an instructor who can do intensive lessons in a manual. I find long gaps between lessons just make the fear worse. If I had a lesson tomorrow I'd probably be less nervous. So I'm hoping to be able to step up the lessons soon and do a week with as many hours as possible.

I'm not giving up this time, not after getting this far

Well done OP. I agree re the frequency and that's how I passed actually. I block booked lessons for two or three times a week at the end- I was desperate to pass! I reckon I must have spent about 4 grand on lessons over the years. Push hard and you will get there!!!