Feel like a terrible mother

[LulaLandry]

Just that really. I adore my 3.5 year old ds but I just find him so annoying at the moment. There is no other way to put it. He doesn't really do tantrums but he does excessive whining. He never seems happy to go for days out or anything - just constantly whinges to come home. Whinges if everything isn't just so - like yesterday we went round a national trust garden which he usually enjoys but he wanted to go in a certain direction which it wasn't possible to go in. Oh my god - the moaning.

I have read a variety of books including how to talk so little kids will listen and honestly nothing works with him, if I get down on his level as they recommend and say "I understand you're sad because you want to do x" he just looks at me like I've got three heads and continues to whinge.

Honestly I was thinking about trying for another but this whole stage is putting me off! I feel like I'm a crap mum as I don't enjoy my time with him at the moment. I try so hard to be cheerful, to do things he will enjoy and I just get constantly whined at. Feeling v down about it tonight.

OP, I went through the 'twos' feeling very smug about it, and wondering what people were banging on about when they spoke of the terrible twos. Mine was an angel.

Then she got to the 3s and by Christ, the moaning!! My nickname for her was 'my little raincloud'!

Don't take it too personally, it's a phase and he'll grow out of it.

My now 18 year old has. Well, mostly.

And you're not a crap mum. Cut yourself some slack

Mind is exactly the same. A lovely two year old with no tantrums or moaning. He turned three last month and my god. Everything I suggest ‘no I don’t want that’. Everything is now a battle. I know he is just pushing it to see how far he can get but I’m 23 weeks pregnant and my patience is very thin! Roll on the next phase as this one is pretty miserable.
Oh and you’re not a rubbish mummy. Three year olds are blimmin hard work!!!!

I have another one here! Omg the whinging-it’s the most annoying noise in the world. I find it’s worst when he’s worrying about something/hungry/tired. So I lovebomb the crap out of him and it helps for a while. Hang in there!

the Threenager stage is real. As PP, I had an ok time when DC was 2. 3 was when sibling came along and he had major strops and throwing cups of water etc. Had to pick him up screaming out of a toy shop... All got better by age 4 although now nearly 5 DC is a bit up and down again....!

In the nicest possibly way, maybe you're trying too hard? Maybe he really would just like to stay home and potter? I think as adults we sometimes overthink things. Kids are often very happy in their own environment playing with familiar things
There's no doubt you love him very much and are a lovely mum. Have confidence in yourself. They all go trough tricky phases!

Through not trough!

My youngest was the same. Still is to a certain degree and he's 18 now. Didn't matter what or how we did things he whined moaned and bitched the entire time.

@Macaroni46

I think you have something there. Sometimes they just want the simple things in their own environment.

This is why when kids are going through the 'terrible twos' everyone warns you jokes about the 'fucking threes'.

They do turn more human over the years!

Don't get me wrong I'm not forcing him to do activities all the time - we spend a lot of time just pottering avout.

Omg i was just thinking this myself today. Dream baby, amazing 2 year old...i now panic every day about what to do with him cos he's such hard work. Non verbal so lots of screaming, refusing to walk so wants carried everywhere, tantrums about everything....
Its a good job he's cute!!! Please tell me 4 is easier!!

All kids push buttons and annoy us at times. Three is...much of the time

Don’t beat yourself up, it’s normal.

Often at that age their verbal ability doesn't match their cognitive ability so they become frustrated hence the whining and tantrums. They themselves don't quite know what they want but they know that they want something!
I say this as a mum of two now grown up daughters (my second was a shocker when little) and an early years educator with over 25 years experience.
It will get better. Try to stay calm and consistent - easier said than done I know! I would advise using short simple sentences to communicate with your DC when he's whinging, to ignore or distract . The temptation is to give explanations or to try to analyse what they're feeling. Again, I realise all easier said than done! Hang on in there. It will get better.

He's impossible to distract, it just doesn't work. I tend to lean towards ignoring him as that works more but then I feel guilty

He's getting very naughty as well, like running round screaming and throwing things and when I say "please don't do that" (or similar) he'll just say "Yes - I WILL do it". Time outs do diddly squat. Tearing my hair out!

Whilst I don't wish this feeling on another mum I'm also so happy others feel like this! DS turned 3 last month and my god. He's just a moaning Minnie with the odd tantrum thrown in for good measure! He was a hideous baby (hence we haven't had another yet!) but chilled after 1yr old and whilst all toddlers have their moments he's been relatively controllable (!) now he's just whining and also becoming impolite too. At preschool he's brilliantly behaved and people comment on it - he's also so bright and sunny when I pick him up. At home it can be a different story!