Does anything even matter? Do I matter?

[ThinkIWas]

I am a complete chump. Live to please others. Have this compulsive need to help others, even to the detriment of my own needs. Ridden with anxiety and worry and I feel tired now. I think I'm done.

Nothing I do to try and better myself ever lasts. Broke my diet yet again, stopped my skincare routine, my 'positive vibes' attitude has disappeared. Just like they always do.

But does any of it even matter? All the pain and anxiety? I won't last forever in this world. All those feelings and actions will be gone when I am. What is the point of me even being here? All my broken dreams will be non-existent and the world will carry on.

The stress and misery I feel in work will have been for nothing. The self-hatred and disgust I feel for my body won't matter. The constant panic, distress and sense of failure of everyday life...just a speck of dust in the universe.

My family and friends are all wonderful but...I don't understand what they find so great about me. I always let them down, just by being me. I want them to have all the love and happiness they deserve and I feel I am not enough.

I think other people are important. But when it comes to myself I feel almost as if I am not a person, more like a means to help people with what they need.

Feeling a bit detached and scared.

Yes, you matter.
The universe is huge and you are a very important part of it.
You are every bit as important as everyone else you know - so what advice would you give to someone else who felt the way you do?
Please don't forget to be kind to yourself.
You sound like a compassionate person - turn some of that compassion inwards.
Xxxx

You are at slow point and therefore everything around you is doom and gloom and good things are a long way off.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Speak to your GP and it may be a slow process to feeling well but you will get there and you have raised yourself up and feeling glad to be alive.

Everyone matters especially you!
We never know how we impact others lives. From even smiling to a stranger you could have made a difference to there day so never underestimate your worth!
But what you have put into words is heartbreaking that you feel this way. You should really speak to someone you trust or even your gp. You are not alone in this!
So your stressed from your job... Quit. Do something you want to do!
Why don't you set your self a challenge something to accomplish! Whether it be something massive like get a degree or run for charity.. Or even lots of little things that you never would of done but always wanted. Just do something for you.
Go and get your hair or nails done just because... Why does there have to be a special occasion.

www.amazon.co.uk/Remember-This-When-Youre-Sad/dp/1911600877/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?hvlocphy=9045406&hvnetw=g&keywords=remember+this+when+youre+sad&hvadid=285661754086&qid=1567953927&gclid=CjwKCAjwzdLrBRBiEiwAEHrAYolX-RtMQJaqqPiBDeR_6V1j3tNHbBPAaXe1M8-HiLwNPEZhaeR0RhoCcuMQAvD_BwE&s=gateway&hydadcr=16874_1798475&hvpos=1t1&hvdev=m&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-613328383159%3Akwd-406502454676&adgrpid=63231023928&hvrand=4757878228398858274&sr=8-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Care-Project-frazzle-make-time/dp/1409177580/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?s=gateway&keywords=the+self+care+project&sprefix=the+self+care+&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1567954014&sr=8-1

You sound pretty down.

Here is some contact info just in case you want to call them: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

Thank you both for your replies.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, I've been feeling depressed and anxious for years which is normal for me. I've just got on with things ( am on meds for it).

But I have just spent the weekend feeling...numb. Strangely calm and a bit brain-foggy. It's like I am just 'here' existing and not really alive. I am finding it hard to explain what I mean.

I don't feel depressed any more because I feel like nothing is real anymore .

Feel like I am dreaming and that reality doesn't exist.

You matter, OP. Are you seeing a doctor for your depression? If you're on anti-depressants, are they still working? You sound so low.

Sorry you are feeling so low Op.Would having a chat with your GP help do you think ?