HELP! Breastfeeding toddler and labour .

[ILoveHumanity]

Hi all,

Please help me without judging me. I know most of you would’ve tackled this situation better.

I’m a breastfeeding mother, of a 18 month old. He still breastfeeds through the night and co sleeps. I tried introducing a bedtime routine but due to his 18 months regression that’s out of the window again.

He had NEVER slept the night away from me.

I tried introducing the bottle at night but he refuses. Tried to reduce his breastfeeding association on the breast but he can’t get his head around it and gets traumatized.

I don’t have a problem continuing this way as I plan on breastfeeding him with the newborn. Until he is ready to be weaned. Probably will stop by age 2.

However the problem is, during labour. I read online you can breastfeed during labour but I’m not sure he will enjoy seeing me strapped up to machines as he freaks out whenever we are at the doctors. Let alone seeing me scream. I also don’t know how long my hospital stay will be.

Midwife told me I can have him around me if someone is looking after him but not during night time and not if i end up in theater (obviously).

I asked my mother to look after him for the night. She lives close to the hospital and she said she will pop in if he needed me.

I’m just worried he won’t settle with her and I’ll end up worried about him.

My delivery is in few weeks so not long to go.

Does anyone have experience with a dependant toddler around their labor and delivery?

Ideally I would want him with me but I don’t know how my labour will go and need to be ready for the fact this might not be at all possible. How do I make sure he doesn’t panick when he doesn’t find me during the night ?

Sorry I’m just having last minute anxiousness

Oh bless you. Why do you think you'll be hooked up to machines? Surely that only happens if there are problems and we hope there will be none.

You'll be able to breastfeed during labour, presumably your husband will be with you to take your boy in between feeds, especially when you are pushing.

Good luck.

Send him to your mums and forget about it. If he screams she'll deal with it. It's only one night (hopefully) and you'll have other things on your mind.
My two year old still feeds at night but when he goes to grannies is as good as gold and sleeps through too, which he doesn't do here.
It'll be fine. Good luck with everything and stop worrying. Sometimes you just have to let things go xx

Well you know nutritionally etc he will be fine. So it's all about the disruption to what is normal for him. And in fact the arrival of new baby will be a total disruption for him anyway. Leave alone that first night, he has to get used to waiting, to your attention divided with new baby. Yes this is a rude awakening but the whole thing will be a massive shock.

But he will get through it, he will survive the difficult shock and adapt to the ongoing change. When you see him, make a fuss. Sometimes leave baby to cry and see to him first. Make sure he knows he is still important. Reinforce his sense of security on an ongoing basis and he will be fine. Accept and acknowledge his difficult feelings but let him know it is ok.

I'm still feeding my toddler and going to give birth in 8 weeks. I'm planning that my mum takes him while in hosp. Yes he'll scream blue murder but mum will be able to deal with it. Theres nothing else I can do really.

My 2.5 year old still breastfeeds at night. Send him to grandma's and he's a little angel who sleeps through!! Try not to let it stress you out - I bet he will be good as gold. Fingers crossed your labour will go smoothly and you'll be back home asap. But if it doesn't happen that way, your toddler will adapt for a few days - and you will have enough to worry about so just trust your mum and enjoy your experience x

Have you considered the possibility of a home birth? You could have a birth pool and labour at home, community midwives and obviously transfer if need be. Might take out the stressful separation anxiety. You'd be able to feed him if he needed and then go to bed with baby in your own home.

Alternatively, leave him with your mother and don't worry about it. It's one of those things you can't control. I personally wouldn't have had my 18 month old at hospital with me if I was in labour (hypothetical because I only have one) if only for the trying to keep an 18 month old busy/entertained/out of the medical waste bin etc. It's. He'll probably be happier with Grandma having full attention on him and being spoiled.

Im not judging the breastfeeding until 18 months, I did the same, but what you’re describing is madness. Let your mum look after the toddler and allow yourself to focus on giving birth. Labour Ward is no place for a toddler to be for hours. Nutritionally he will be fine, emotionally - im sure your mum will be great. @Starface is also completely right that whatever you do it will be a big change, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Thanks everyone.

Just that last delivery was quite eventful! And I stayed in hospital for 6/7 days so maybe that’s why I’m finding it a bit overwhelming.

Hopefully it will go better than last time and I will be home with him in no time.

I definitely considered home birth but seeing how last delivery was a risky one I don’t feel i can risk it.

Just don’t wanna introduces unnecessarily too many shocks to him around the time baby comes but I guess it’s inevitable. I’ll try get him a nice toy in my hospital bag as a present from baby so he feels it was worth it

Mum guilt already peaking and I guess it’s because I feel like he is still my baby and I’m moving onto the next baby too soon!

No judgement from me as I BF to 20 then 22 months (though I wasn’t pregnant either time!)

Labour is absolutely not the place to be looking after a toddler and breastfeeding. I don’t know what machines you’re thinking of as I gave birth twice out of hospital but still can’t imagine having to cope with anything else at the same time.

He’ll be fine looked after by someone else for a while.

My machines sorry I meant monitoring equipment. He usually freaks out when he sees me with something as simple as a blood pressure instrument around my arm. He starts taking it off me.

I was induced on the drip and had monitors around my abdomen and the tens machine on my back and was a bit of a sight which I think would be quite traumatising for him especially if I start screaming my head off like last time. Hopefully not !!

But he will hopefully be with my mother somewhere in her house or the waiting area. Just don’t feel she understands how not to stress me out and I feel throughout labour she will be calling me panicking that he is crying and it will make me panick. That’s why I felt easier if I can check on him and not have to worry myself.

I guess maybe I can consider hiring s childminder instead for the night. Arrghhh so much costs

Don't have him in the hospital waiting room. Have your DM mind DS at her house or yours so he's in a familiar place. Lots of treats and distraction. And then turn your phone off/on silent/give it to your DP. Your DS will be fine, she will be fine, it will all be fine. Push come to shove (ha!) if its starting to look lengthy then Your DP can nip back and forth to settle him if necessary.

If your mum is amenable I would suggest bom staying over at hers a few times between now and the birth, once a week even. At least then it might be less of a shock when it happens and, if he finds it distressing at first, it wont be so strongly linked to the arrival of a new sibling.

Also it will be easier for you as when he's staying there for the first time you wont be in labour and worryring about him at the same time.

I found my DD would be distraught if I refused to feed her out tried to offer a bottle. But if she knew I wasnt there and my husband/ mum/ MIL offered a bottle she was fine with it.

Let someone else look after him. I fed my youngest until nearly 3 but I would definitely not of had him in with me while giving birth. You never know what might happen and you might not be able to feed him when he wants. It would probably be more stressful for you both. Best he is at your mum's she will cope and he will to.

Is he in childcare during the day at all?

You’d have to pay (obviously) but if so, could you find one of the staff to overnight at yours? The positives are his own home environment, someone he knows fairly well and a professional who definitely won’t call you in a panic if he cries. Apologies if no CC and this is moot. If you do look at hiring anyone else, familiarisation meetings beforehand would be invaluable for him. Agree 100% with a PP that labour ward really isn’t the place for him - it’s not going to be great for anyone concerned - and you need to be able to focus on what’s happening with you and the new one.