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Original poster

Badly behaved husband

13 replies

Mummylexxi · 06/09/2019 21:39

Please give some good advice ladies... I have just got married, and my husband hasn’t changed, I don’t have anybody to talk to, he is being awful, drinking, shouting and swearing, he has been ‘pushy’ physically. I will admit, I have drank with him and ‘fought back’ but last week, he went a step further and I called the police, he works in a similar sector and has asked me to admit I was lying, I wasn’t, I think he doesn’t want to admit that he was wrong, he hasn’t apologised properly, and now I have sent an email to the police saying I lied, he has what he wants and has started being vile again. We agreed we both needed to move out of our marital home as when we both move on eventually, we wouldn’t want either of us to see us moving on in ‘our home’, which I completely agree, but the problem is, I am on a low wage and can’t afford to move out right away, I just need a few months to save, so I can prove to a potential landlord that I have the funds in advance or they will refuse to have me as a tenant. I had an appointment to find housing and they wanted to see my tenancy, they have told me I will have to move to a hostel, or they would help with the rent and I would go on a ‘housing list’ so obviously, I said I could stay where I was, go on a housing list, and wait. I would prefer to save and find a nice property for my children, I certainly don’t want to go into a hostel. He says he is going to evict me and keep our child, as I don’t want her in a hostel. I don’t know what to do😢

OP posts:
Swisskit · 06/09/2019 21:45

Why did you think your husband would change when you got married?? He sounds horrible, and you do need to get away as soon as you can. If he's pushing you now, it will only get worse.

I don't have much to offer in the way of helpful advice, but I'm sure others will. Flowers

Surfskatefamily · 06/09/2019 21:46

Getting married doesn't normally change people. Both getting drunk and fighting sounds is ridiculous. He needs to move out if he's took it further which I'm guessing is hitting you?
It sounds like he's trying to get you to move out so you have no stable home for your child personally. Stay where you are until you can afford so. Unless any charity or organisation can get you housed? Can you speak to the police and explain to them why you retracted your statement? They may be able to help

FFSDH · 06/09/2019 21:48

You poor thing. He sounds completely awful. If you have proof that he was physically abusing you would the police remove him from your home? Is the house in both your names or just his?

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Relationship problems
TheCanyon · 06/09/2019 21:50

Your child in a hostel is a million times better than living in this head fuck situation, grab it with both hands while you can.

NCBabyBoy · 06/09/2019 21:50

If you haven't had sex you can have the marriage annulled rather than having to get divorced. It sounds horrible and you deserve better! It's not your fault if he loses his job when you report him, he shouldn't have done what he did!

Original poster
Mummylexxi · 06/09/2019 21:54

Thank you for replying, really means a lot🤗I just feel so lost at the moment, I have lost my mum way too soon, and don’t have any family left, originally the tenancy was in joint names, but when it came to renewing, I was at work and the landlord only put his name down. Thank you so much for your kind words x

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 06/09/2019 23:39

It’s the marital home, tho, so I’m not sure he can throw you out. Talk to Shelter and see where you stand, but I’d suggest you get out, speak to the police, tell them to discount the email saying you were lying, they’re not that stupid. Sort out a refuge for you and your child: you can’t put her in the position whereby he may harm her or you again.

springydaff · 07/09/2019 00:24

So sorry you're in this horrible situation op Flowers

Do speak to your local Women's Aid. They are the experts.

Also talk to Rights of Women for legal advice.

Also, speak to Shelter, as mentioned above.

Good luck op. You'll find a lot of his threats are hot air and he has a lot less power than he thinks he does. Are you the primary carer for your child?

Original poster
Mummylexxi · 10/09/2019 23:47

Thanks for your replies🤗yes, I am primary carer, I do everything for my little one😊and know she would want to be with me. I now have a social worker coming to see me, I’ve never dealt with ss before and I’m so scared! Will they think I’m a bad mum? Maybe think she shouldn’t be with me? I’m usually so ‘together’ but this has completely crushed me😔 I had to leave work early and I’m dreading going back, I just can’t concentrate on anything and just feel like running away😔I can’t, of course, but just feel so out of my depth. Any of you ever dealt with ss? The person I spoke on the phone to sounded really nice.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 11/09/2019 06:59

Start being honest with yourself. Then be honest with the social worker. He is NOT NEVER EVER going to change.

VikingVolva · 11/09/2019 07:18

"We agreed we both needed to move out of our marital home as when we both move on eventually, we wouldn’t want either of us to see us moving on in ‘our home’, which I completely agree"

Stop agreeing. This is bollocks.

Agree with the advice to see Women's Aid. Also Shelter, because even if the tenancy is in his name only, you are married.and the child needs proper housing. He might not be able to evict you as easily as he thinks.

But even if he did, then it couid be the best think that happens to you and DC. Yes, hostel/B&B can be grim, but it might still better than living with him. You should have decent priority for permanent housing, though the wait for it can be lengthy. But you will only get on those lists if you are evicted (not if you make yourself homeless by leaving)

Do some research, then call his bluff. But make sure you are safe.

springydaff · 11/09/2019 09:44

Perhaps post a fresh thread op to ask for support re SS?

I imagine the social worker will have a lot of clout to get you and lo what you need. They are lot more powerful than your ex, that's for sure Flowers

Sunflower160 · 11/09/2019 09:50

Be completely honest with SS, OP, in order to get the help that you need for you and little one. Also contact the police and explain that you do not want to retract your statement and feel pressured to do so. The police should come and see you anyway before allowing for the statement to be retracted to ensure you are ok. Speak to social services about this too so they can contact the police on your behalf if you feel that you’re unable to. Good luck x

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