You're never going to get anywhere in life - you're a failure! Why do some words like these drive / push some people and break others?

[Wrangle]

what is is it about some people that it makes them want to fight, it drives them and pushes them to prove this message wrong. Why do others then get completely crushed and knocked down , feeling worthless and broken when theyve had the same message drilled into them.

Obviously I'm not talking about these exact words- but it can be abuse, trauma, bullying etc. I've seen horrific experiences make people push themselves and they have really succeeded and iv seen others where similar circumstances have ruined there self esteem and really damaged their life long term.

I wonder if it's whether or not the abuse tallies with that person's view of themselves?

Grit.

Some people have it and some dont. It’s debatable whether or not it can be taught.

Whenever I’ve been told I cant do something Ive been determined to go on and do it. Take your hurt and use it to better yourself.

I appreciate its easier said than done though.

Interesting question.

I don't know the answer, but in my case it was because I hated the person who said it to me with a passion, so even though I believed her when she said I was useless, hopeless etc, I wanted to change myself to prove her wrong. Her words (spoken regularly over many years) stay with me always, and have done untold emotional damage to me. Never forgotten.

I’d realised long before reaching double figures that if I broke or couldn’t help myself, nobody was about to make it all better. You fight for yourself because nobody else is going to. Being helpless was/ is a luxury unless you are beyond the point you even want things to change and you’ve completely given up. Kind of do or die.

And of course when your childhood is that shit not only do you have the resilience you learnt the hard way, but there’s very little that could compare. If you’ve survived that, you can cope with almost anything.

For me my life was so goddamn awful it did break me. It broke me to the point I felt I could not take this anymore. Unfortunately this meant in high school I did something to myself I regret terribly but after that I realised no one was going to care for me I had to care for myself. I was dying and it took my mum 3 days to take me to doctors because she didn’t want me to talk about what was happening at home.

I started saving my lunch money from 13 and by 18 with my part time job I’d saved everything I could. I got on a training scheme went to university and kept saving everything I had until I had a house deposit together. My dad threatened to kill me after my mum accused me of something I did not do. He chased me around the house threatening to kill me but he had to go out to sort something else and said he would kill me when He got back.

I’d met my then bf who said let’s just move now enough is enough. I moved out married the bf, then married at 25 and looking back it’s such a shame. Without all of that I think I’d have had time to plan my life not jump into it. I am a survivor.
I wish I wasn’t. I became a qualified finance professional and am now nc with the parents who told me I’d never amount to anything. Anger helped me a lot tbh. I was so angry I could be treated that way. But now I have found it difficult to keep my career going as the pain does get too much some days, now I am unraveling all the issues and am lucky my dh is there to support me.

It’s always there. But what do I do. I move forward as that’s all I can do. I do understand those that can’t move forward though. I try to help anyone I believe to be in need as well. That helps keep me happy.

I've wondered if it's down to personality. How much of a "fighter" you are.

I suspect a lot of it is who is telling you you're useless. It's much easier to fight if it's a teacher or a grandparent or a parent you don't live with or a stepparent you haven't grown up with etc

Probably harder if that's the only message you've had since birth, because then you're more likely to agree with it and let them break you.

king the reverse was true in my case. I was late teens before I even began to understand why someone might be hurt by a mere outsider.

Stubbornness has a lot to do with it. And a kind of fuck-you-attitude in general.