How do I get my baby in a routine?

[Izzystar31]

Sorry if this is long winded, this is my first post on MN.
DD is 8 months old and since about 4 months I’ve tried and tried to get her into a solid routine, mainly to do with naps and bedtime (I have been EBF so on demand feeding, not too stressed about scheduled feeding) obviously solids are on a schedule and that’s going well.

It’s just the naps and bedtime I can’t seem to do. I even purchased the little ones programme and tried to follow the awake/nap times.

So for example Little ones says to wake up at 7am and have the first nap 9.15-9.45, okay well I wake DD up at 7am, she is still tired and by 8:15 is really ratty and needing a nap, so I can’t keep her up til 9:15 as I risk her then being overtired. I think she still wakes up tired as she still wakes ALOT in the night.

So I’ll always put her to bed at 7pm, she will wake at around 9:30pm full of beans then won’t sleep till 11:30/12. So of course when I get her up at 7am she hasn’t had a full 12 hours. So then I can’t follow the nap schedule very well, she will wake up and stay up at totally different times during the night, I always try and get her back to sleep but she resists and will not sleep.

I’m at my wits end as I just want a set bedtime, even if she wakes 5 times in the night, as long as she goes back to sleep within 15 mins. I also want set nap times which are the same every day as I believe routine is key and babies thrive in one. I just don’t know where to start! It seems everytime I do try to start, DD will either be tired too early or will not be tired at all when it comes to the set nap times. Where do I start ?!?
Thank you and sorry if I rambled!

Do you need to be so regimented? I think when they're so little, just go with what they want. It just wouldn't have worked for us, my son made it very plain what was acceptable to him on that front. Try forgetting about it for a week or so and see what happens. No point making life harder fro yourself.

About a month ago I started thinking the same, what’s the point isn’t forcing something if Dd clearly doesn’t want to do it.

So I just went with the flow, put her down for a nap when she was tired. But then people started telling me all about their (similar age) babies who have a 2/3 naps a day at the same time etc. Also my mum will invite me out for a coffee or something and will say “what time does she wake up from her morning nap?” And I think errrr well depends what time she goes down so I’m not sure really? Then she will start with....babies thrive on routine etc etc you really should get her in one.

I just feel like I’m the only person whose baby isn’t on a solid routine yet and it makes me feel inadequate etc. I’m sort of just following what a lot of people seem to say but I’m at FTM so am unsure of what’s right/wrong.

Personally I agree with you about just going with he flow

It seems like going by your schedule isn't agreeing with your little one.. maybe ease off to let your little one find their natural rhythm, you can then start adjusting it a little bit to suit you more, I'd recommend trying to do some sleep associations.

For my little one we only put her in the cot to sleep for the night, she will normally do 7:30pm to 6:30am (with a few possible brief wakes) when she goes in her cot she doesn't come out till morning. If she wakes we will go in and lie her down and comfort silently through the bars (it took some time to get used to this, and probably bored her back to sleep) and I have been known to fall asleep next to the cot on the odd occasion. This worked for us with no crying at all.

With naps, we go by her and she used to have a typical 10:30 and 4:30, but she's recently dropped to one a day, normally round the 11:30 mark.

Hope you find something that works for you x

I go by awake times rather than the clock as this seems to work better for us and accounts for different wake-up times. The one thing that is consistent is bedtime as from about 6 weeks she couldn’t handle being anywhere other than a darkened room by 7. Mine can’t really go more than 2 hours without the rest of the day going badly wrong. There are some good guides online that can help. At 8 months lots of babies are going from 3 down to 2 naps so can be a bit erratic.

Thanks for the responses so far, I’ve noticed in general she can handle about 2 and a half hours of awake time. Maybe I’ll just go by that until she’s a little older

It sounds like you're really in tune with your baby OP which is lovely. My biggest regret of the first year of DD's life is that I didn't just relax about her sleeping and bedtime. She's nearly 2 now and has only had a consistent routine for about 9 months when I could accurately predict what she was doing and it still goes out the window some days. If you can get them to nap in the pushchair when out and about that gives you more freedom but honestly I think you're right to relax about it and completely ignore everyone else. Just follow your instincts.

My friend is pretty relaxed about her DS routine, he’s 3 now but as a baby I remember we would go around town all day and he would just nap on and off in his pram, seemed pretty relaxed and contented too.
I’m naturally a chilled “go with the flow” kind of person, so this whole routine thing is weird to me anyway. I wouldn’t be questioning myself if it weren’t for literally everyone telling me I NEED a nap routine. (In laws mention it all the time to OH, most recently it was “she needs a proper routine bless her, give me a week with her, I’d get her in a good routine!”)

Is it possible that she just has a different circadian rhythm than the traditional 7/7 baby sleep time? My DD is a night owl. As a baby she slept from 11 pm till about 8.30. People were horrified, but she just wouldn’t sleep properly earlier (if she fell asleep early evening she would be up raving during the small hours). It meant our day schedule shifted later than the norm, but it was much easier to go with than fight it.

At four now, she sleeps from 9.30ish till 7.30. No naps. She seems to need a little less sleep overall than the average. I would prefer an extra hour in the evening, but so be it. The circadian clock is governed by genetics and there’s not much you can do to change it fundamentally.

Ok, so here’s the unpopular opinion but you just need to ride it out.

I’ve had all three of mine on a routine from around week 6; mainly to retain my sanity - honestly.

Baby #3 has been the hardest to get into a routine but at week 10 we got there.

So the long answer is that your baby is plenty old enough to get in a routine but you might have to just ride it out to modify established patterns.

Nudging your baby’s awake time to an arbitrary time like 0915 isn’t particularly helpful. But if your baby is being woken up for the day (gently) at 7am then they will need a nap within 2 hrs of waking and feeding.

The hard thing is braving the crying when they are overtired and upset. It will happen and happen several times and you will just need to be vigilant and mindful. It’s totally counter intuitive but it’s the hard part of trying to instil any routine.

FWIW, you sound like you need a routine for good reason. Well meaning posters saying that you just need to go with the flow don’t get it. It’s not as if you’re trying to sort out a 5 day old.

@Tolleshunt this! If I put her to bed around 9/9:30 then she doesn’t wake up ready to play, perhaps you’re right in that she just isn’t a 7pm bedtime baby

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut the main reason I need a routine also is because I’ll be going back to work soon, my mum and MIL will be looking after DD on different days and ideally I’d like to send her to theirs with a routine for them to follow. Do you agree that some babies are harder than others to get into a routine?

Do you agree that some babies are harder than others to get into a routine?

Hell yeah. That’s why sometimes it’s sooooooo hard to try and switch their body clocks out a bit.

I found the little ones programme ridiculous and over complicated. I tried and tried for over a year. It just took time, and I found that starting to crawl then walk gradually helped as they burn off so much energy. Also, making sure they get plenty of food during the day so they're full. And that they're not too hot/cold in bed