Is everyone proud of the person their child is becoming?

[morrisdog]

Back to school photos

@Whattodo Isn't it wonderful to see them developing? Even something small, like my DD said, "I don't know" the other day. Not big to others but to me for her to actually express a sort of indifference, I was so excited. I do hope your son continues to open up and express himself with his peers even more

Mine are in their 20s & I couldn't be more proud. They are amazing young people. They've had some tough times & given DH & me some major stress, but they've come through it and so have we.

I alternate between frustrated and proud. Today my DD, who is generally largely oblivious to the rest of the world, met a school friend - who has autism and struggles with school especially at the start of terms - and made sure she felt safe going in. I had no idea, but the friends parents told me as they were stoked. Then at home time she was so engrossed playing she accidentally walloped her brother and laughed. Can't win them all I guess

Incredibly.
DS1 is turning into a thoughtful and loving young man, and doing incredibly well in school.
DS2 is also doing well in school, and has just been selected for the Wales National basketball team for the second year running.

They are both kind and generous and loving and this is all anyone can hope for their children really isn't it? The rest is just a bonus.

However, I'm always aware that at any moment they could join the wrong crowd and there's nothing much I can do to stop that at their ages. All I can hope for is that we've given them a good enough grounding for them to be able to make sensible choices in life.

I am now the youngest is 18, but my God the older ones have given me numerous grey hairs during their teenage years.

Is this what you were after Op? Are you OK?

If it makes you feel any better I have no idea how my kids will turn out. I hope they'll be happy and good. But who knows. I can just keep doing my best and hope the world doesn't fuck them up.

Hugely, indescribably proud of each of them. Beyond proud.

Mine are 4 & 6 and yes I'm incredibly proud, of course I don't know how they'll turn out but so far both of them are kind, thoughtful, work hard

Sorry posted too soon.

They do have their faults but I'm still proud of the people they are.

I have a friend who has three boys who are most definitely NOT kind and I do wonder what she thinks. They are 'cool' and clever and popular, ish, as they are 'cool' (all the gadgets, labels etc) but they are really quite unkind, and she doesn't seem bothered which I find odd.

I suspect she doesn't think they're unkind. Few people do think that their own children are, just like hardly anyone thinks that they, themselves, are unkind. When you see unkind behaviour, she probably sees them 'telling it like it is', 'giving as good as they get', 'having a wicked sense of humour', 'just having fun and other people shouldn't be so sensitive' or - worst of all - 'just boys being boys'.

Yes, incredibly proud.

Super proud of all three of them (dsd, ds and dd, dsd lives with us so I'm claiming her for the sake of this post!) they range in ages 21-14, university, college and school. I started writing a paragraph about each of them but I was rambling and outing myself something rotten, but think they're all just bloody brilliant.

Morris you ok?

I am actually. My eldest is a wonderful kind hearted soul. She’s struggling right now with group dynamics among the girls as she can’t be bothered with conformity, drama and bitching. Seeing her happy makes my heart so bloody happy and her resilience makes me proud. She’s going to make the world a kinder place.

Well with my username I had to post!

I’m ok
I’m just struggling to find the right words to describe why I’m struggling with this

@morrisdog we are hear to listen if you want to try to explain

*here

I'm not. DS is 30 and I'm breaking my heart over his life choices.

Ted27 that's given me all the feels, I had to stop myself from crying!

I am, but I'm not proud of the type of mother I'm being at the moment. We've had a tough time as a family since just before DC2 was born and there's a question mark over DC1 and whether he has any neurological differences. I've struggled to accept this and lashed out at him a lot. My anxiety has definitely rubbed off on him, sadly.

However, he is a lovely little boy. He tries so hard to please a lot of the time, and he's actually verging on comedy genius too, surprisingly so for a 3 year old! I need to remember this.

@tempnamechange98765 whilst I have always been proud of my boy, I haven't always been proud of myself.
The last 8 years have been a long, hard slog, I have made many mistakes along the way, been shouty, impatient and just not the mum I wanted to be.
When he was 7 or even 10 /11 I doubt anyone who knew him could forsee the 15 year old he now is.
Your son sounds delightful, yes you do need to remember that, but don't be too hard on yourself, parents are only human, we are fallible, we have our own emotions to deal with.
There is a saying in adoption land, in the event of an emergency put your own oxygen mask on first before helping your children
in other words, you can't help your child if you don't look after yourself. Don't forget that

I think it's a tricky concept OP. We wrap so much of our own self-esteem and worth into our children and if things aren't going well for our kids it can cause us huge anxiety for them but also it can wallop our self-esteem. Everyone wants to be a perfect parent but there is no such thing. Most who raise lovely, good, happy kids are able to do so because they have the back ground, experiences and resilience to do it. Most of us come with baggage.

Yes some children overcome adverse childhood experiences to become wonderful, healthy people. If my kids grow up this way it will largely be because they have had a really nice life, two parents who love and want the best for them, nutritional food, holidays, a good education system and good healthcare. So where I adore them and am happy that they seem to be OK.. I wouldn't say that is anything to be proud of. I just find pride a really tricky concept. I'm not sure.

I also think it's a bit like happiness. It's not a permanent state of being. So when my child stuck up for a friend I felt what I suppose was pride. But when she was cruel to her brother, I felt shame/sadness?

I am definitely proud of mine.

Dd spent much of her childhood in pain, much of it unable to walk, and on top of that had to deal with doctors and teachers telling her and each other that there was nothing wrong with her, that she was making it up for attention, that it was such an inconvenience to have a disabled child in the class and that they had never had to deal with that before. At the same time, she was also told by experts that her problems were incurable. And by her schools that the rest of life (secondary school, adult life) would be a lot harder and that nobody would put up with her problems once she got there. She had to see her family investigated by Social Services because of her illness.

She has grown up a strong, brave, kind, compassionate human being, with a great sense of humour and without bitterness. She is forging her way in a very competitive and demanding path. Her mental health is fragile, but she deals with that too with intelligence and humour.

Ds was given the same diagnosis aged 10, he had seen what had happened to his sister. On top of this he struggled with school, was the bottom of the class in academic subjects and was the kind who was never picked for football or any other sporty activities either. Wasn't musical, wasn't artistic. The whole but-they-have-to-be-good-at-something thing seemed to have passed him by. Failed his maths GCSE 3 times.
Aged 11, he found his sister after a suicide attempt. Had serious problems trusting adults: he didn't trust his teachers after what the school did to his sister and he didn't trust his parents because we hadn't been able to protect him.

He is starting his first grown-up job today, having had the sense to leave his Sixth Form college after the first year, starting another course that suited him better, retaking his maths for the 4th time and passing, and leaving college with excellent grades. Also started training all on his own to strengthen his body, plays football every week with mates. Is kind, thoughtful, independent, upright. If I had to describe him in one word, "decent" would be the one. Couldn't be prouder.

My social media photo of "back to school" showed happy, smiling children. It didn't show the tantrum DC2 had had 10 minutes previously about going back or the tears when I dropped him off

It didn't show stressed, shouty parents trying to get 3 DCs into shoes and out the door.

It's not the whole picture.