Anyone else's teen off to uni first time & in a long term relationship?

[GinandManic]

I surely can't be the only parent with young adults off to uni and in long term relationships which are about yo be tested by long distance/separation.

My last 2 (18 and 20) are both of to uni in the next few weeks. Both unis are over 3 hours drive away. My eldest 2 are already at uni and neither had relationships before they went away so this is my first time seeing the struggle.

18yo has just been dumped by her boyfriend of 2 and a half years. He is also off to uni for the first time. Him down south and my dd up north. 5 hours drive between unis. As much as I really liked her bf, he is a lovely young man I'm kind of relieved this break up has happened now (and not in the first few weeks shes in uni) Dd is devastated. I know it's all part of growing up but it's absolutely horrible seeing her so heartbroken. It's made worse by ex bf also crying saying he's only doing it to take pressure off them both whilst they start thier new lives. I just want to get dd more emotionally stable befire she goes. She seems do fragile right now. Luckily she has an amazing bunch if friends here but next weekend they all start leaving for uni.

My other dd has been in a relationship for almost a year. She went to uni at 18 but quit after a bad start. She's been home for 18 months but never lived in this town. We moved here with the army when she was boarding in 6th form. She has few local friends. She has been at a local college this past year and has a few friends but they live quite a distance away. Her whole life this past year has become about her boyfriend. He us a student in our local city so she's enjoyed a social life on the back of his life and not her own iykwim. Anyway she has started to get quite upset and anxious about going to uni (4 hours away).
She wants to go but nervous as it's 2nd attempt at uni and she's older but it's the boyfriend that's causing so many tears.
They have said they will just see how it goes with the intention of trying yo make it work.

I know this must be a common thing up and down the country right now. I try not to get too involved but when your kids come in to you at 1am crying you can't help feeling involved.

Anyone else's dc facing similar? How are they and you faring and dealing with it?

Not my DC but it was me many years ago! I got with my then-girlfriend when I was 17 and she was 16 (same school year though.) So we had about a year and half together before trotting off to uni... me to Birmingham and her to Plymouth.

We made it through without any cheating (on my part, and I'm pretty certain on hers) despite a LOT of temptation. Like.. "here it is, on a plate in front of you" temptation. We took it in turns to visit each other - I'd train down to Plymouth at the weekend and two weekends later she'd train up to Birmingham.

We got married a couple of years after we graduated, then eighteen months later she left me for one of our mutual old school friends.

We're both 40 now. We both has a baby in the last year, and still send each other a message or two every year. She's a great person and the 'betrayal' of her leaving me for a friend was probably something that needed to happen - we both traveled very different paths through life (I emigrated, she lives in the same village we grew up in.) She's still with that friend, very happy. We were drastically unsuited by the time we split - she'd grown enough to see it, I hadn't.

I don't regret that we were together through uni. It's easy to feel I missed out on a lot of 'experience' with other girls at the time but I'm quite sure I missed out on a lot of complicated emotional mess as well.

Most importantly, and relevant to you I guess, is that my parent's support and belief (or apparent belief, they had well hidden doubts) in the relationship was very, very important to me, and the kind of reason why I have always had a great relationship with them :)

Oh, and she wanted us to not go, or pick universities in the same city regardless of suitably. Her parents and I both guided her away from that. She's now very high up in her profession, and her sensible choice of uni was a big part of that.

Thank you for sharing you experience NewLevels

I'm trying so hard to be supportive but keep my distance. There are something's in life you just need to find tour own way through but bloody hell it's hard watching them hurt.

One thing I have been super proud of is they both picked thier university's on thier course choice not relationships. Now it's the bitter pill they need to swallow
When following it through.

DD is only one, so we're nowhere near this yet. But I met DH the summer before uni, we lived a couple of hours apart and he went to uni a further hour or two away. We did long distance for five years, seeing each other every other weekend. I went away for a summer without him, he went away for a six week internship without me. We moved in together at 23, married at 27, had DD at 34. It also set us up well for when he moved away for work for a couple of years in our early 30s. Nay bother :)

My niece and nephews long term (about 2 years) relationships both ended when they went to Uni. Personally do not see the point of having a serious relationship when one of you intends to go to Uni. Apart from the odd exception, it rarely works.

I can only think of one couple I've known who were together in sixth form, went to uni and stayed together (and are still together to this day - it's been about 10 years now). They both went to the same uni - though I also know several couples who went to the same uni and rapidly split up anyway.

Yes, my dd is in a long term relationship and she and her boyfriend are both off to Universities a long distance apart. They haven't split up in preparation for Uni, for the time being they are very happy and carrying on as normal. I am sure they will miss each other very much when they are apart! But they both understand, I'm sure (at least my dd does) that their relationship is unlikely to last. The odds are extremely low. I am really fond of my dd's other half, very happy indeed that he has been her first boyfriend and they have had a wonderful time together for nearly 2 years, but I don't think they are suited to a whole life together! I think deep down they both know this too. There will be heartbreak somewhere along the line, but it is a rare person who hasn't been through a relationship break up at some point.

I'm worried that she will meet men who won't be as good to her as this first boy has. I love him for that.

Dd is 18 and has just split with her boyfriend. They'd been together for about 18 months. She's going to uni, he isn't. Mutual decision. Personally, I'm pleased they've split. He's nice enough, but I think she'll enjoy herself more at uni if she's not in a relationship.

It's hard when you can see the car crash coming. DD's BF went to university while DD had a gap year. He dumped her last week, and she is inconsolable. I'm hoping that the distraction of university and making new friends will help.

I definately think my 18yo will be better off in the long run being single at uni, although dread her being messed around by other boys. Like the poster above her boyfriend.she has just broken up from has been a lovely guy and treated her so well.

My eldest is just very sad at leaving her boyfriend behind. I'm pretty sure it won't see the distance but will.wait and see. Selfishly I hope it's my dd that decides a break up is better if it's not going to last the distance.