Life after a psychotic episode

[GreenApplesBlueSky]

Have had a scary time of things and would like to hear from anyone with similar experiences.

Two weeks ago, I had a sudden bad feeling that my bf was involved in a protection racket/drugs ring/sex work. It ended in me believing and saying some awful things. I even ended up in a GUM clinic. I terminated my relationship with him, citing some reasons repeatedly over text. I thought he was going to get killed for being involved with me at the time. It was an extremely scary episode, as I also believed I was being recruited for military intelligence. None of this is true. For the record, I am a 44 yr old professional with 2 DCs, a friendly ex-h, with no history of MH issues.

I ended up on a psychiatric ward. The episode lasted a few days, I could not eat or sleep. Things are ok now I am out. I am doing all the right things - pushed up support network, taking medication, getting sleep. I am having this investigated as I have had other health problems: autoimmune system, some antibodies came back positive during an earlier blood test and I have symptoms of Srogren's (sp?) disease. Also a family history of various cancers. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by a rheumatologist.

Fortunately, my kids seem to understand the illness & I could screen them from a lot of it. But my relationship has taken a huge bashing and I am very upset. There is a chance it will be ok. He is understanding and patient and kind, but it is hard for him to have heard the things he did from me, during illness. We are talking and working through it, but I am smarting. Feeling many emotions.

Did anyone else go through this? How did you cope with the aftermath?

I've not been through this OP but didn't want to read and run. That sounds terrifying. I'm so glad you're on the mend and getting the help you need

Thank you so much, Bentley111. I'm a regular poster and NC'd for this. I hadn't thought to share on here until now...

I am hoping to share experiences about the impact on the partner. I wonder if anyone could recommend a book on this?

Hi
I thought I'd get in touch as I've kind of been in the same situation as your partner when my DH had a mental breakdown.

It wasnt quite as bad as your experience sounds (I'm glad to hear you are getting the support you need) but it was a very difficult time and i felt very isolated and alone at the time.

I also have kids who fortunately i managed to shelter from it. But I'll be honest and say it was very, very hard and took a lot out of me.

My DH has very little recollection of some of the things he did and said to me. Ive tried to forget them too as i know now it was the illness talking and not him, but its not been easy.

It was a case of taking a day at a time and building back our lives along with him getting proper help.

mental illness is so hard for many to understand. Its not like a broken arm where peoole can easily see theres a problem. Sadly a number of his friends struggle to appreciate what my DH and i went through. Ive struggled to find any appropriate professional support for me whereas there's quite a bit for my DH, but ive a couole of good friends who ive been able to talk to. Does your partner have anyone?

Hi OP,
My DH (then DP) had a psychotic episode a few years ago - I had a thread on the mental health board at the time which may help give some perspective from the other side if you can find it.

He is fully recovered now and we got through it but it was difficult - he still had some paranoia for quite a while afterwards, mainly against me, which I found very hard to deal with. He struggled with depression for a good while too.

But we got through it - and I married him! I think the best advice I can give is to understand that although this episode will affect him differently to you it will affect him badly all the same - he may not know how to help and even if everything does seems wrong he'll be trying his best!

We also agreed a way for me to let him know if I noticed him getting bad again that he would be comfortable with, to help him get help as soon as possible and hopefully question what he saw as reality although it never came to that.

Here you go, my thread from then....

[[
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/2369836-Really-worried-about-DP]]

AppleCrumbleCake Thank you for sharing your experiences. Hugely valuable. I've thought a lot about what you said - that you felt isolated. Luckily, he has a good support network and I've been fine about him sharing information with those friends, and have encouraged him to seek their company. We don't live together, so it was largely his decision anyway, but it's good he has gained their support.

I feel like your DH. I don't remember some of what I said and it feels akin to saying stupid things when you're drunk. He kept saying he didn't know which bits were the illness talking, and which bits were 'me'. Truth is they were ALL the illness, it was THAT bad. He doesn't realise how ill I was, I think. Also I was feeling that same level of guilt - in a sense he placed it on me. It's hard as I want to say "but I was ill" but it doesn't help him.

Thank you for your helpful reply. Small steps, I think. Let this pass an hope for no more illness. I am taking all the measures to prevent it happening, and he is happy to see this.

Wow,rubydoobydoo You poor thing! You had a hard time of it.
I was happy to read "then DP" and now DH! I do think this will make us stronger, but it is hard work. I appreciate your advice, especially about how it will affect him differently but still badly, nonetheless. He seems to have had his confidence bashed. I will have to work hard.

I have a special password to use with a friend, but also he is very good at looking out for me, and was upset that I pushed him away during this episode, in favour of my exH. This was because I had to keep him "safe" but felt my ex would have my children's interests to heart. Not easy to explain.

I'm glad to hear you didn't need to use the special measures.
Here you go, my thread from then.... I hope everyone continues to do well. Thank you for your help.

I’m on anti-psychotics and they help keep things at bay. I notice blips instead of before when they’d just happen and I’d have no clue.
You do need to be comfortable enough to mention things so you can get guidance as to which is real reality and which not.
Like we were outside watering the garden because it’s been so damn hot. I was admiring the lovely perfect green grass but then blinked and it was suddenly covered with yellow leaves but I’d not felt any wind.
Feeling disjointed, I asked DH....”do you see lots of leaves on the grass”
“Yes” he said “were they there when we came out? “ and “yes” he said. So then I knew I’d had a blip and my mind had not seen the leaves.
As opposed to the leaves being not real.....could not tell which was real the green grass before or the leaves after.
And this is with high dose anti-psychotics for five years running now.
My DH is a good touchstone and thankfully with the medication it’s stuff like the above, mostly harmless. Without the medication, it was a nightmare would.

Much love, OP. I had a psychotic episode too where I thought I was being stalked. It lasted a while and it was pretty awful. I ended up in hospital, too.

Agree with being open with your DP for reality checking if you can. I sometimes second guessed myself and occasionally was having auditory hallucinations and it calmed me down actually to talk about it. Are you on any medication now? It doesn't have to be forever but could be useful so soon after.

I had my 2nd major psychotic episode about 4 years ago. I thought I controlled the world, was speaking to god and the devil along side all sorts of other shit. Turns out I had a bladder infection which triggered. I'm now diagnosed as bipolar but predominantly get ill when I have an infection I'm lucky and take no meds.
I would say it took me at least 6 months to get anywhere near back to normal. the aftermath was pretty horrendous. I was exhausted and I have FM (definitely a link).
Things that really helped:

1. Mindfulness (try headspace)

2.Rest.

1. reducing screen time massively
2. Eating good food less sugar/No alcohol
3. Exercise
4. Being open with peopke. If they are weird about it they're not worth worrying about.
5. Being very kind to yourself
6. apologising to peopke you inadvertently hurt. But remember if they can't forgive you you and understand you're ill they are not worth worrying about.
7. Asking for help. Help with cooking, the kids etc you are going to be exhausted and you need to recover as best you can

hope you being yo feel better soon

DoctorAllcome Thank you for sharing your experience. It's encouraging that antipsychotic medication is working. It seems to be good here, too. I notice just before it is due that I get racing thoughts. I think my mind must have been speeding before.

Good to learn how to spot the blips. I realise now that I had a loose grip on reality some of the time. My partner is vv good for 'testing' this reality against, and I am fortunate that ex husb is also pretty good. I feel like he knows me well, having lived with me for so long in the marriage, to be able to say. Your leaf story is interesting and also encouraging. You can feel disjointed and it is ok. You can ask, and that leads to an appropriate interpretation. Good work!

I'm only on a small dose but maybe it will increase with time. We will see.

That's a very useful perspective. Thank you

A close relative of mine had a prolonged psychotic episode several years ago. They are now doing well, living a good life.

I have nothing of real help to add to you, but just wanted to send you a hug @GreenApplesBlueSky

What a lovely post, SoDamnEasyToCaveIn Thank you so much. Your stalking-feeling episode must have been very scary, too. Yes, have spoken openly with DP for helping me with for reality checking. I am on 1 mg of risperidone, which has worked well so far. It takes the edge off the anxiety, and slows me down. I have ASD as well, so much information mining constantly going on, which doesn't help, but this medication is helping. Thank you

Yestermo Thanks for sharing. Gosh, that sounds quite familiar. We must all have similar themes to these episodes. Poor you. I'm sorry it was due to something else, too. Just goes to show that there can be other triggers. I've written another post in Autoimmune Diseases as I think this is linked to that. Wow, amazing you are not on meds. You must be working very hard on prevention. I have copied your list into a sort of Prevention document.

Is FM fibromyalgia? I have a diagnosis of this, although I think it may be incorrect. Interesting if they are linked. I am taking very small steps, and feel fatigued most days. Lots of rest and staying in the moment. Yes, I found screen time - in some ways even MN - to make it worse, as it sometimes presents a distorted view of reality. Have given up alcohol and stepped up Gousto boxes. To hell with it, I need to keep myself safe. BRILLIANT advice about openness with people - I find myself telling a lot of people the truth about it, as I think I could use all the support I can find.

I am feeling better already, and your post made me feel better still. Thank you

OneMoose I'm grateful for your post. It's really good to hear that even with a prolonged episode, people can be ok. This is helpful. Thank you for the hug, too. Much appreciated

I know someone this happened to. No history of MH and suddenly had a complete psychotic meltdown. It turned out to be a rare side effect to a virus, in which he brain had become inflamed. As the inflammation was treated she went back to normal and had no further problems. It would be reassuring to you and your partner if you could find out what caused it.

milliefiori Many thanks for this. In fact, given that it came on and ended so rapidly, we were also wondering if it is connected either to my autoimmune system, or to some sort of virus. I've had bigger stressors in my life with no MH problems, so it seems so unlikely to me that any stress would be the cause. I pulled my life together during my divorce to make it as stress-free as possible.

I have an MRI soon, hopefully that will clear up things. You're right, it would be reassuring to rule out certain causes. Thanks

Big hugs OP

If DP knows the real you, he will be able to differentiate between the well you and the ill you. Please release the guilt, this doesn't belong in this situation. You had no intent to cause any harm. You had no history of refusal to deal with MH issues. It came in like a wrecking ball...

Be kind to yourself. You were I'll. Whilst I acknowledge that your partner will definitely have been hurt, it was not a deliberate act. An analogy may be the difference between punching someone in anger as opposed to having a fit and hitting them on the way down.

You are doing the right thing talking, but you do need to assert that you were I'll otherwise this will become a stick to beat you down with.

If you both cannot put this where this belongs, in the ill health box, does he really want a relationship with someone he believes is capable of doing this deliberately? No. He just needs some time. So do you.

Please don't judge yourself too harshly.

Big hugs

Thank you, Chickenyhead for this reply, and I thought I would update a bit.

DP came back as he'd been away, and we talked so much. I went through the episode, and he was more caring and understanding. He has decided to go through with some plans he had made when I "dumped" him when I was ill, but they involve the next 2-3 months, and he has found a way of still involving me, depending on what my investigations show.

Thank you for the reminder not to feel guilt in this. Yes, it came like a wrecking ball. It has taken me by surprise. That's an excellent analogy.

OK. I will continue to assert that I was ill. He has been better with the passage of time - indeed, I think he feels guilt at making his decisions. He has to carry them out as they involve travel and other individuals and business stuff, so I think maybe we can think of it as quits.

Argh! Now hoping everything comes back clear and that I can put this behind me. It's such a long journey...

Well done. I hope that he can see sense and that you can get past the inevitable fear of it happening again. Hopefully the MRI will give answers, but even if it doesn't (brain science isnt as advanced as we like to assume) I stand by my points.

You really cannot be judged by this one episode, however awful.

Much love x

Hi, I also had an episode triggered by a physical illness, for me it was surgery and the aftermath (also had sepsis and severe infection) - I notice others say this as well (being a trigger)

afterwards, I saw psych and also psychology team who said it is triggered by 'severe mental and physical stress' and that 'everyone would get this under such severe stress, we all (everyone) have a level at which it would happen. Which was interesting.

Anyway, it was very scary and I do get anxiety over it happening again- particularly if triggered by another infection or physical stress which may be outwith my control. It can also mean the doctors might take me less seriously with my health as they just think you are mentally ill. But worrying like this doesn't help really just makes me stressed.

I read this book called "My lovely wife' about a woman having these episodes also, hers seemed to be due to pressure and work stress though. I found it quite helpful.

I struggle with the feeling my DH might not 'trust' me as much with what I say now but think he is OK generally. I also had a depressive spell after the episode and that comes and goes, also fibro type symptoms and had an episode of shingles too. Think it is all related, our physical and mental health is so interlinked.

they out me on long term small dose of antipsychotics not not keen and hope to come off at some point.

The links with the illness / inflammation make me think of delirium, similar kind of thing. It is a very scary feeling but I find staying calm can help as feeling scared makes it worse.

That sounds very scary for you OP. I hope you and your family continue to heal.

I nearly didn't post this, but you did ask for impact on others.
My mother had psychotic episodes when I was in my 20's . Although I now know she was ill, I can't unhear a lot of the things she said about me and our relationship has never recovered. Like I feel that there was a kernel of truth for her under what was said.

I had a bad psychotic episode last year, and I relate to the hangover feeling when you are seeing clearly again and realise what you have said to people. Thankfully people were mostly understanding about it.

Has your DP been in touch with any MH carer's support groups?

Interesting about the fibro/ autoimmune link mentioned here since I was also diagnosed around the same time.