How do I broach this?

[ValidVictorian]

My mum lives in France and ever since I split with my ExH 4 years ago she's come to stay with us to help with childcare over the school holidays. DSs are now 9 and 6.

This summer has been difficult to say the least. Mum's mobility is greatly reduced so she can't walk far. She's not had much money so hasn't taken the boys out. Because she's run up debts of £15k in my name (that's a whole other thread) I couldn't afford to give her much to take the boys out either.

So because I've been working the boys haven't done anything this summer apart from stay at home and look at their screens.

And she's a functioning alcoholic and I can't be 100% sure she's not drinking when she's got the boys. Because of my toxic upbringing it's become normalised for me but I've had a real wake up call this summer and I have to address this.

I've been seeing someone for 7 months and it's going really well, but she's constantly making little digs about him and it's pissing me off.

We're hoping to move in together next summer which means there'll be 3 children not 2 (DP's daughter is 10). I'm not here to discuss whether he's moving in too quickly so please don't comment on that.

So I don't want her to look after the kids next summer as I don't think she's up to it. She'll be very hurt and I don't know how to broach it. We've got a very weird dynamic and I'm still very much a little girl eager to please so this won't be easy.

No just be honest, you don't want her to look after your kids because you would have moved in with your partner! If it's obvious to us it will be to your mum!

You really should not have had her in the first place by the sound of it!

Just be brisk and say "With our circumstances changing and another child being around, I've decided that it's time you had a rest from babysitting....you can just visit for a week instead!" or something.

Call the police about the £15k debt. She might be in prison next summer and it will kill two birds with one stone? (I’m only half joking...!)

Leave it for now. In March ring her and say you don’t need her because the boys are doing x/y/z

You could tell her the DC are going to holiday clubs 'for a change', politely say 'it's clearly too much for you now, Mum, with your mobility issues, but we could have a week's holiday together' (if you want to). You need to be assertive, don't let her (or anyone) bully you into doing something you are not comfortable with.