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Original poster

I'm 30 and finally WOKE

25 replies

RHOD · 05/09/2019 01:07

I have very recently had my eyes open. I thought I had a good handle of reality and truly believed good will always prevail.

I now see how naive that was. It really is dog eat dog, isn't it? In work, politics, education...

I'm genuinely seeing the world from a different perspective.

Do nice guys really finish last?

OP posts:

Kinsters · 05/09/2019 01:56

Do nice guys finish last? I think it depends how you define first and last place.

Original poster

RHOD · 05/09/2019 11:04

Interesting. I believe integrity is fundamental, but having integrity does not equate to being successful in my work environment.

OP posts:

Unshriven · 05/09/2019 11:08

Well you do need to be ambitious and a bit ruthless.

The idea that you'll get anywhere just by being nice is magical thinking. The kind of thing small children believe.

You need to work and push for what you want, and that means outdoing other people.

BarbaraStrozzi · 05/09/2019 11:09

I'm not sure that's what people usually mean by "woke", OP. They usually use it to mean coming from a relatively privileged background and becoming aware of the structural inequalities in the world around them (racism, poverty, etc.)

Not "I've suddenly realised the world is dog eat dog..."

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 11:13

I think you've got to balance it with who the victims are, if you lack integrity.

I'm in my 50's, there's a lot of unhappy people, because of the life they've lived, without integrity and caring about others.

They might have outward success, but i wouldn't want to live in a lot of people's heads.

PicsInRed · 05/09/2019 12:23

Do nice guys really finish last?

You can be "nice", but you also need to know when to shelve it and employ some healthy cynicism. Don't make the mistake of assuming your "nice" motivations are what drive anyone around you - especially the nicest seeming people.

Be a steel magnolia.

AudTheDeepMinded · 05/09/2019 12:26

Erm, nice guys always finish last, it's only polite!

Happyspud · 05/09/2019 12:29

There’s a few more layers to this onion. Keep going. And no, nice guys don’t always finish last.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 05/09/2019 12:32

I think nice people get fucked over much more In life.

I think the way to succeed is to be nice but you also need the ability to stand up for yourself, and just go for what you want even if it means standing on some toes.

Basically you don’t need to spit at the homeless and be an areshole but being a doormat won’t get you anywhere and lots of nice people are frankly doormats

Stompythedinosaur · 05/09/2019 12:45

I think privileged people generally come out top regardless of whether they are nice or not.

WarmSausageTea · 05/09/2019 12:48

I think privileged people generally come out top regardless of whether they are nice or not.

Absolutely agree with this.

MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 12:52

Same age as you OP.. having similar revelation

Placing this here : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3675039-To-not-want-to-be-the-nice-one-anymore?msgid=89790983#89790983

MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 13:00

I’m starting to realise that I’m a world where people’s entitlement are heightened and needs aren’t met, where they lost control and try to regain it by controlling those around them subconsciously.. I think being obliviously nice is naive..

Selectively kind is where I’m trying to be heading.. and truly knowing that people are shaped by their experiences which are very very different to mine and so I can never truly understand their intentions behind ruthless/selfish mean behaviours- it could genuinely be misunderstandings or thoughtless traits which they don’t realise they have..

But as far as the world goes, yes I think its geared towards survival. Those who are ruthless survive. Those who are privileged survive. Those who are kind but have strong stamina also survive with struggles. But those who wait for the world to be kind back to them and Karma to help them hit the jackpot, really don’t. Unfair but true.

tierraJ · 05/09/2019 15:33

I don't care I'm going to carry on being nice.

Baguetteaboutit · 05/09/2019 15:36

I'm sorry, I don't think you meet the threshold for woke. Come back when you have blue hair and you prioritise feelings over facts.

Jolonglegs · 05/09/2019 15:46

I think you have to live life the way you think it should be, which may be naive, but once you start using the principle of 'everyone else does it so I will' then you're on a slippery slope and society at large suffers.

The problem with an unequal society like the UK is that the priveleged few who have a head start think they have an entitlement to a bigger share, and the supreme confidence to get it. The solution isn't to copy them, but to aim for a more equal society such as the Nordic ones.

blahblahblahblahhh · 05/09/2019 15:47

Depends on what you define as first and last.
My dh is the nice guy - he's happy and stable, he wouldn't tread on anyone to get to the top, he works hard and achieves what he deserves to achieve.
He and I would both say he's finished first, we have a great life, own a nice house, rent a couple out, two kids, he's a super hands on dad. We are definitely winning - on our scale. But probably not on other people's scales! It's all relative.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/09/2019 15:55

Do nice guys finish last? I think it depends how you define first and last place.

And nice.

Mixingitall · 05/09/2019 16:19

What industry are you?

I believe honesty and integrity is a life skill that moves you forward, people trust you and perceive you better which opens up opportunities.

I work in sales and currently for a tech company based in the Midlands. I live in the south and have experienced dog eat dog at many competitive London companies.

Don’t change the way you are but use your beliefs to your advantage and perhaps look for a company with a different culture.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/09/2019 16:34

That's definitely not what I thought "woke" meant. Have I been using it wrong?

MephistophelesApprentice · 05/09/2019 16:40

Extract from one of my favourite modern folk songs:

"Be smart or lucky
If you can't break the mould, break the rules
Make friends or money
But if you would be King be cruel

There is no clockwork in the stars
No-one cares how good you are
Look around the world is full
Of hungry souls who want it all
Space inside they have to fill
Friendship they're prepared to kill
Hunger is their guiding light
They scratch they claw they push they fight"

"Be Lucky" - Show of Hands

MrsNotNice · 05/09/2019 17:07

Being kind and fair and having integrity helps you live with yourself and be content..

Being smart and street wise and understanding how to protect yourself from people’s selfish games helps you live with those around you.. which to me is a secondary objective..

Being ruthless and selfish and cruel... helps you succeed at trumping others but won’t ever get you happiness and comfort to live in your own skin.

Springfern · 05/09/2019 17:28

Do nice guys finish last?

If you really were 'woke' (e.g. awoke to institutional structures of oppression and inequality) you'd know that 'guys' rarely finish last

ArsenicChip · 05/09/2019 17:53

You may well have awoken to this, but you could maybe do with deeper insight into the meaning and implications of saying you are “woke” these days.

BarbaraStrozzi · 05/09/2019 21:02

SNL Levi's Wokes spoof.

This will give you a flavour of what is meant by woke.

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