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Original poster

Help me figure this man out, cos I'm clueless

21 replies

confusedoften · 04/09/2019 23:06

Couple months now been flirting with guy at work. Different companies, same building.
I have had a debilitating crush on him, and he knows it. I had some time off for holiday and I messaged him prior to leaving. He replied couple times, then nothing.
Upon return to work, he approached me and said that he liked my messages but he had gotten a bit scared. He likes me, but we work together and he doesn’t want to fuck that up, if it were different then he wouldn’t think twice etc. He then said he’d like to take me for a drink, as friends. we Message randomly, nothing too heavy.

Im still confused where I stand.
He seems to like me, but not enough?
But he wants to go out, as friends...

is it as as straightforward as it sounds?

For context, another woman in the same building also came onto him and he turned her down flatly. No ‘friends’ drinks etc.

OP posts:

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 04/09/2019 23:09

Were you messaging on work email?

I’d assume he was in a relationship, ie not messaging you from a home account and arranging to meet up away from work

31RueCambon75001 · 04/09/2019 23:10

You stand nowhere. :-/

KellyHall · 04/09/2019 23:15

Maybe he likes you as a person so doesn't want to upset you by rejecting you altogether. But if you really like him that much, I'd walk away now if I were you or you'll just end up getting more upset by the non-relationship in the long run. Sorry!

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Mac47 · 04/09/2019 23:16

He's enjoying the attention but is not interested. Have your sad moment, move on.

PickAChew · 04/09/2019 23:17

He's flattered. No more.

elizalovelace · 04/09/2019 23:37

Hes just not that into you. Move on with your dignity intact.

56Marshmallow · 04/09/2019 23:44

Most men wouldn't let something like working for the same company get in the way if they were really, truly interested in the woman.

I've learnt that after many years of being played by men. The ones that are genuinely interested would never let anything stop them. Sorry!

Keep your distance and go looking elsewhere.

ChangeItChild · 04/09/2019 23:49

If he wanted something to happen, it would've already. He doesn't.

Adversecamber22 · 05/09/2019 00:14

Forget it and him completely.

Kinsters · 05/09/2019 02:05

If I were you'd I'd pursue it but keep your options open - don't turn down other dates or anything because of this guy.

My now DH said he didn't want a relationship and we were friends (but more than friends) for a couple of years before he decided actually he did want to be with me, I had an enormous crush on him this whole time. We're still together 8 years later and expecting our first child next year. Sometimes a person isn't in the right place for a relationship for whatever reason but that's not to say that'll never change.

Angelf1sh · 05/09/2019 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nicolastuffedone · 05/09/2019 06:43

So, have you gone out for ‘friends’ drinks??

BarbaraStrozzi · 05/09/2019 07:48

If you're having to "figure him out" it's a non starter. Mentally move on from your crush (easier said than done).

MzHz · 05/09/2019 07:53

Sweetheart, there’s nothing to figure out

He’s not interested in having a relationship with you.

End your crush and just enjoy having him as a great work colleague and a friend

MoltonSilver · 05/09/2019 08:00

He's just not that into you.
He's letting you down gently.
Take the hint.

Sorry

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2019 08:03

He's told you he's not interested and tried to do it nicely and not make you feel bad by saying he just doesn't fancy you. As others said, there is nothing to work out here, I'm sorry,

MorrisZapp · 05/09/2019 08:11

The drinks thing could well lead to sex but he's already stated he doesn't want a relationship so he's laying the foundations for a booty call type situation.

If you work in the same building, this would be a total nightmare.

I fancy a guy in my building too. His name is Brian, god help me. I just enjoy the odd smile and look.

Bluntness100 · 05/09/2019 11:35

The drinks thing could well lead to sex but he's already stated he doesn't want a relationship so he's laying the foundations for a booty call type situation

I very much doubt that. More likely he's laying the ground rules for nothing to happen and is trying to be nice about it.

If he wanted to shag her he'd have taken a very different approach.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 05/09/2019 11:42

Another who thinks he's not interested but likes you enough to want to let you down gently.

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 11:55

"The drinks thing could well lead to sex but he's already stated he doesn't want a relationship so he's laying the foundations for a booty call type situation."

That was my thought. The other woman wasn't fuckable/not besotted with him enough, to fall for this.

It's best to just move on.

WeAreStardustWeAreGolden · 05/09/2019 12:02

He wants a FWB

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