Fat and going for a family meal and I’m so worried

[fatandashamed]

I’m overweight at 21 stone . I’ve lost a stone and a half through exercising in the last six weeks and I’m trying very hard, I’m only eating breakfast and a main meal and no lunch , cutting out snacks where possible etc etc .

I’ve been asked to go to a family meal next week and I’m really not wanting to go at all . My grandmother will be there , she has called me fat since age 7 or so and I know she will be watching every mouthful I eat and commenting . Every time I am with her she comments on my weight, what I eat, etc - whether in front of others or not . Makes jokes about the ‘elephant in the room’ stuff like that .

My mum has lost a lot of weight in the last year , family keep complimenting her which is lovely and I know they will say lots at meal but I can’t help but think they will all be silently laughing at me .

I’m terrified of going out as it is as I have major anxiety issues but it’s for my mum’s birthday , so I feel obligated to go and put a smile on . There’s no real reason I can’t go although sister has refused (for similar reasons that she would feel very uncomfortable although she isn’t fat, but she already had plans anyway) ... I haven’t even got decent clothes to wear . Mum is wearing a dress that used to be mine before I got this fat ; and keeps asking me what shoes she should wear etc, and I’m hurting because I’m so angry over it all . Not with mum but with me for being fat .

I’m 28 and I’m bloody terrified of my family, how silly is that . I’m not sure what’s best to do, go and eat a salad only and count down the minutes til it’s over or what ?

Don’t go, you don’t need to cause yourself added stress and anxiety. You have already started losing weight and motivating yourself on being focused don’t let your family ruin your hard work.

Go, hold your head up high.

If Grandma says something awful, just laugh it off and say "oh grandma you are vile!" And carry on as you were.

Don't not go to things because of people like this.

Or ask grandma why she is so obsessed by your weight and that she should really get a hobby.

I am 20 years older than you and I'm only now dealing with toxic attitudes in my family. I think you need to deal with this now as it won't go away.

Whether you decide to go or not, you need to explain to your mum exactly how you feel. Then you'll be in a position to either not go, but with her understanding, or to go, but with her support. Good luck, and make this the new you in terms of looking after yourself and making things better.

Though I am guessing that your Mum has not protected you against your GM’s comments since you were 7.

I wondered this too...

My parents, or indeed anyone, would absolutely not get away with making comments like this about my daughter. You deserve to be treated better OP

I would not give up an evening out with family just because of one horrible person, frankly I would out bitch her
'honestly gran, I would love to have fond memories of you when you are dead but given how nasty you are to me I doubt I'll even think of you', 'please pass the salt'
then blank her!

Age is nothing to do with it and it doesn’t sound silly at all. Who on the planet would want to be there.
I’m sorry to say op, but Your GM sounds emotionally wicked and cruel. It fact. It’s full on abuse. You’re trying to lose weight. What more does she want.

Well done on your weight loss btw.

And to call a 7 year old fat.Thats not much more than a baby.

If you go ( not saying you should) it may help to have some coping strategies worked out - for example when toxic gran mentions the elephant in the room, you could say something like “ actually let’s address the real elephant in the room, your obnoxious behaviour and unpleasant comments. Please try not to bite your tongue or you will poison yourself. I am taking steps to lose weight, for mysel, no one else - what steps are you taking to become less of an oxygen thief?”
And for goodness sake don’t just eat salad unless it’s what you really want - indulge yourself on the meal out and get back to your healthy eating afterwards.

Congratulations on your weight loss, and keep up the good work.

Congrats on the weight loss so far. Get yourself under doctor care for your weight loss rather than trying to navigate it alone. Best thing I ever did. The support is fab and you'll be more likely to stick with it and achieve more. Go with details of what you've been doing so far and they won't just give you a diet sheet and send you home. You'll get a dietitian referral and monthly support. I can't recommend it enough. (55lbs down this way so far)

Wow, you've got it tough!
Family should be truthful but still supportive.
Tell them they make you feel bad and are part of the problem.
They need to be part of the solution so find out if they are prepared to help.

My granny called me fat a few years ago (on Christmas Day! Merry fucking Christmas, you old cow) and I told her straight up to fuck off.

Of course she started to cry, acting like a wounded victim and my dad yelled at me for swearing at her I haven't seen her since.

Why don’t you go on a juice diet this week to speed up your weight loss? You could easily lose another 4/5lbs. Wear black too because it’s very slimming. You could trick an extra stone weight loss, have a blow dry and maybe do a strong red lip. Have you nails done and perhaps book a makeover at your favourite beauty counter (Tom Ford/ Charlotte Tilbury would be good); and beam with confidence. If you let your guard down that’s when the insults will fly.

Let's go out for a family meal and stick pins in one of our relatives. We can scratch and pinch them too.

Would you go to that? Then why would you go when the abuse is verbal?
Like pp's have said, explain to mum that you won't be in the same room as grandma, and do something nice on a different day with mum.
Good luck!

Juice diet!!!!!! Starvation which is what it is is more certainly no answer. Plus not everyone has got Charlotte Tilbury and Tom Ford money

It sounds like you'd do your health a massive favour by steering well clear of these people.
Just because you happen to be related to them, you don't have to allow them to put you down and make you feel so bad about yourself.

I can't remember what TV show it was, but a character retorted to an old bastard who was hurtful to the younger ones "never mind, you'll soon be dead".
I'd love to have the cojones to say this to some of the nasty fuckers in my life.

Don't go. You sound convinced that going would set you back hugely. Trust your instincts.

Nasty woman. But why is your mum not saying anything? Does your nan do it to your mum too? Your mum might have the same issues with her.

I would actually go and call her out on it loudly in front of other people. If she mentions your weight or what you're eating do a classic mumsnet head tilt with a "is there any reason why you're so obsessed with what I eat and how I look?"

But then again I've decided over the last few years I'm not taking shit anymore. My mum and nan loved me when I was a skinny platinum blonde up until I was around 21. Then I gained 2 stone and let my natural dark blonde grow out. They barely acknowledge me now apart from "have you lost any weight yet?" I haven't visited my nan in years, only see her at parties. They are both toxic to my health. I'm not even overweight. I just have a flabby belly. But apparently I'm not "stunning" enough anymore for them

Do go. Fuck them.

Found this quote and I like it.

I wouldn't go. Not because I dislike myself, but because I disliked the company I'd be expected to keep.

They seem like a toxic bunch.

Keep on with your exercises, you're doing really well.

Learn to love yourself and avoid people who suck the joy out of your life x