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Abortion and pregnancy

4 replies

Flowerfield · 03/09/2019 20:55

Hi all
First time I have ever posted for advise and I am not even sure if this is the correct place to post this but any advise would be welcome.
I am in my late 20s. I have just found out I am pregnant (clearblue says 1 to 2 weeks so presuming I am 3 to 4 weeks gone). My partner is abusive and I have been with him 3 years. I have had to give up a job I love, but have recently found out that I have a new role and am relocating. Although his behaviour has not changed and he does not seek help I am quite isolated and vulnerable therefore have not left. I have never reported him to the police but do seek support from services such as the gum clinic. I have pcos and some mental health issues, so contraception is a sketchy area for me, and I do not wear condoms due to partners preference and influence. I usually do not allow him to ejaculate inside of me however I slipped up due to negative risk taking behaviour and failed to get the morning after pill which I have used quite alot. I have been pregnant numerous times by him and dont feel comfortable disclosing how many but it is enough to cause me a great amount of shame and guilt. He also has said vile things to me about this despite him not wanting children and cheating on me during the first pregancy and three days after I has a termination. I was also assaulted after the second so my experiences have been harrowing. I have not been pregnant for a number of years and this has come at quite the shock. I didn't regret my last terminations due to his behaviour and my own life goals but it began to haunt me and I ended up wasting the opportunity fo get better. I am not religious but I do believe in moral responsibility, and I know that although I am a victim to him I have to take some responsibility. I have been all over the place but I know I am capable of raising this child alone, as I wouldn't want him to be involved due to the risk of his behaviour. I feel like my family would be supportive although they would be incredibly disappointed. I have re gently given up smoking and drinking, and do not feel this would be an issue. I do however have life goals and have yet to see the world or get the job or masters I crave. However I feel this could be achievable with a child. I dont know if I should keep the child or not and am really struggling. Any advise would be great and no bad judgement would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Bluetac19 · 03/09/2019 21:39

If you are relocating anyway then leave him and disappear from his life.

kellyw1989 · 04/09/2019 07:43

Really well done for posting, it can be hard to open up how you have so that’s a great start. When you say relocating is he coming with you ?

Shittiestdayinalongtime · 04/09/2019 07:54

The thing is, if you keep the baby, you'll always be connected to this 'man'. You need to get rid of him, relocate, change numbers and leave this part of your life behind. Obviously this isn't going to be easy as he seems to have a quite a hold on you, but you can do it.

Grambler · 04/09/2019 08:26

If you have t his baby, this man will always have a connection to you, he'll always be trying to control you - and he'll be able to via your child. Is that what you want for the rest of your life? If you want the masters and the job you crave, leave him, remove any trace of him from your life and start living.

If you think you can remove him from your life forever and continue the pregnancy - ask yourself why this time? What is different this time?

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