Hi all
First time I have ever posted for advise and I am not even sure if this is the correct place to post this but any advise would be welcome.
I am in my late 20s. I have just found out I am pregnant (clearblue says 1 to 2 weeks so presuming I am 3 to 4 weeks gone). My partner is abusive and I have been with him 3 years. I have had to give up a job I love, but have recently found out that I have a new role and am relocating. Although his behaviour has not changed and he does not seek help I am quite isolated and vulnerable therefore have not left. I have never reported him to the police but do seek support from services such as the gum clinic. I have pcos and some mental health issues, so contraception is a sketchy area for me, and I do not wear condoms due to partners preference and influence. I usually do not allow him to ejaculate inside of me however I slipped up due to negative risk taking behaviour and failed to get the morning after pill which I have used quite alot. I have been pregnant numerous times by him and dont feel comfortable disclosing how many but it is enough to cause me a great amount of shame and guilt. He also has said vile things to me about this despite him not wanting children and cheating on me during the first pregancy and three days after I has a termination. I was also assaulted after the second so my experiences have been harrowing. I have not been pregnant for a number of years and this has come at quite the shock. I didn't regret my last terminations due to his behaviour and my own life goals but it began to haunt me and I ended up wasting the opportunity fo get better. I am not religious but I do believe in moral responsibility, and I know that although I am a victim to him I have to take some responsibility. I have been all over the place but I know I am capable of raising this child alone, as I wouldn't want him to be involved due to the risk of his behaviour. I feel like my family would be supportive although they would be incredibly disappointed. I have re gently given up smoking and drinking, and do not feel this would be an issue. I do however have life goals and have yet to see the world or get the job or masters I crave. However I feel this could be achievable with a child. I dont know if I should keep the child or not and am really struggling. Any advise would be great and no bad judgement would be appreciated.