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8 replies

Timeinabottle19 · 03/09/2019 16:34

So I was single, and met a married woman, they had only recently seperated and it took we a few months before I could fully let my guard down to this woman as I've been hurt in the past. She is an amazing has already got kids and seem to live a great life but things just not have been that way. We both had ups and downs I didn't know where I stood but we would both just come together. We both know how important it is that kids live in a stable environment and that the relationship with their father continues. However things become complicated as we found out that she was pregnant, I have always wanted to be involved and willing to help in any way, but ever since the pregnancy I've been allowed to two scans and the ex, who is still the husband has become so much more involved than I anticipated, so much so that things have been bought for the baby, I've tried not to object, but I always thought of having my first child that even under these circumstances we would buy things together, I've allowed her to control the situation in fear of upsetting however seems that is all I do. I've not been able to move out from my parents home as there have been delays. I'm not rich but can get by and always offered to try pay towards but it is declined which is frustration. I don't really know what I am doing as I'm a first time father but feel that I might never do so in this case as I've been frozen out. What I understood to be love and a possible relationship has seemed to disappear. I understand it was not wise to get involved with marriages and I tried my best to be logically but love doesn't act that way. I care about her and her kids and the baby that is about to be, I even care about the husband in trying to make this all work for all the children.

This all seems so overwhelming that I really don't know where to turn. I can't speak to my mum as she continually tries to sabotage the relationship with the woman who is pregnant with our child, even in the past saying unkind words to her and the ex(husband) so I basically have no one to really talk to, whilst I don't live with my parents it's still belongs to them where I live and live alone. It doesn't seem appropriate for me to move in with her as it's the husbands house and wouldn't move in unless I could buy him out, but again I don't have that means of income to do so. She is now due very soon and doesn't look like I'll be able to be at the birth but the husband I understand will be, i don't even know how I should feel about that, as I just want both her and the baby to be healthy.

OP posts:
Soola · 03/09/2019 16:40

It reads as you are not the father but her husband is.

Timeinabottle19 · 03/09/2019 18:36

I've been told that he had the snip, obviously I don't know how true that is, I trust her it is but think in keeping in contact with me is a bit weird if I'm not the father

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 03/09/2019 18:38

It sounds like the husband is the father

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Timeinabottle19 · 03/09/2019 18:47

So in this circumstance having paternity test might be advisable even though I believe the baby to be mine. Surely having a vasectomy would lessen the chance it is his though?

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 03/09/2019 19:03

So is she still living with the husband?
Has she said who she thinks the father is?

Timeinabottle19 · 03/09/2019 19:40

They weren't living together, but since the pregnancy he has been back home a lot more and helping her out, which I thought I would be doing but my help is usually declined. She has maintained I am the father all the way through and I believe her

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 03/09/2019 21:03

Yeah...I wouldn't believe her if I were you!

Timeinabottle19 · 03/09/2019 21:21

So even with him having the snip, which I only know from her. Isn't it weird that she kept in contact with me all this time and that he is fully aware of the relationship or courtship we were having? I've held off on buying things as she finds it weird someone else buying things for her baby? I'm so confused of what I'm suppose to do, but things or not as it is seen wrong, yet she can buy and he can buy things. Do you not think she's just gone back to what she finds comfy as they have done this all before with their kids and I'm like a duck out of water here

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