Unbaring grandparents

[nickynoo1997]

Hi I'm new here, I just wanting to ask people's opinions.
I just had my daughter (premature) and me and my partner have just got a new place. His parents are starting to get a bit overbearing and it's starting to worry me.
His parents are constantly trying to play mummy and daddy to her and refusing to give her back when we want to hold her eg if she's fussy. They get mad when she sits next to us during dinner and not them. I feel his mum is becoming more unstable with mental health from circumstances. But other day she told my newborn randomly that if anyone tries to take her away she will kill them. They feel as if we're preventing them from seeing our daughter and call us selfish when we want to spend the day as a family. They tell us how to raise her and that we shouldn't listen to the health visitors so much and get mad when we don't agree with something. They don't listen when we tell them not to do something such as co sleeping.. and they keep making jokes about social services about me and my partner being "too rough" with our daughter when we're not. Any ideas on what we should do or any opinions?? I'm really struggling and scared they will try and take my daughter away from me.

So your mil was babysitting for a few hours and slept in her bed with your baby? That is odd.

They are crossing countless lines and making you uncomfortable.

This needs to stop. Your partner needs to address the behaviour.

Firm boundaries now should hopefully nip this in the bid and stop a complete break down in family relations. if they believe their son is serious then they should hopefully wise up.

A short visit once a week is reasonable. No advice or lecturing while they are there and no emotional blackmail. Firm clear rules. If they break them shit them down immediately - clearly say we are parenting our daughter and we have all the her advice we need thank you. We are happy that she is sage and well taken care off. We don’t need any advice, we just want you to enjoy spending time with her.

Don’t shit them down. Shut them down😊

Dirty protests are in the next phase😂

I’d never leave her alone with them nd I’d reduce contact. You don’t have to let them in if they come round too often, but it should come from your DP to tell them to stop coming ro7nd too much. Maybe a serious sit down/chat re boundaries/visits/their shitty threats? If they don’t improve, reduce contact.

Set visit once a week. Total supervision. Do not answer your door if they call round.
They sound bonkers..

I ouldn't even set a regular day per week for them to visit, make it more random, miss a week now and then or they will be unberable and start to take ownership of that day.
It is time to take a step back, they had their chance to parent, and now it's your turn.
Anyone who said that they would call SS on me would never get a chance to see my children again.

Red flags a bit.. Its terribly concerning she Co slept with the baby, she should know not to do that. Also I know I wouldn't want (and didn't) as a first time mum, to be told how to do everything.

I think to keep peace you need to limit visits to once a week. Lock door when you're home and your partner has to pull his weight a bit here and tell them, while it's nice they are so involved and helpful (might not be true but) you'd like them to visit only once a week from now and they are not allowed to turn up unannounced anymore.

I think from what you're saying, he won't want to do that, but prehaps if you say it (if he was to text them if that's better for him, to open up and be honest) it might give them a kick up the bum.

If they turn up other than their one visit, don't let them in, I'm firm on those first few months being a bonding time, it was time for us to become a family so we never had loads of people visiting.

I really think partner has to step up here and tell them straight or this is just going to get more and more nasty.

It sounds like a dreadful situation but just remember that in most places grandparents do not have a legal right to access with their grandchildren. You don't have to answer the door either and you do not have to go round.

Fair enough, they're still his parents but that doesn't mean he can't have a relationship with them.

Realistically there's not much you can do to avoid this behaviour other than cutting contact because they don't seem like the kind of people to listen to fair warnings.

Arguments happen in life. It's time to start putting you and your LO first.

They complain that they aren't having 'family time' but only want to spend that time with your baby?

You can try telling them that your baby gets plenty of 'family time' with her actual, you know, family...her mum and dad.

As grandparents they need to be made aware that seeing your child is a privilege, not a right, and the whole SS thing is just bluster and crap.

Yikes I really feel for you. Your partner needs to firmly tell them that they are being very unreasonable and that it's not acceptable. Please dont feel like they have to come round if it makes you uncomfy. They need to apologise and you both need to take back control.