Mean work colleagues...help me feel better!

[Diorissimo1985]

Feeling very down about my office environment - please tell me some useful coping mechanisms or at least some stories of your own inexplicably nasty colleagues so we are in it together!

I have been in my job about 8 months and there are a couple of colleagues who always make fun of other people, in a very snide way. Our office is open plan with 8 people all sharing.

For instance today I called an external contact but didn't realise the person who answered the phone was the person who I wanted to be put through to (iyswim). Cue a few seconds of me being slightly flustered and saying oh sorry didn't realise it was you etc etc. A few feet away, this couple of colleagues are sniggering away and whispering that I'm an idiot and rolling their eyes about me to one another.

Moments like this happen all day long - I'm tentative about having phone calls and conversations with people as whatever I say seems to make them snigger and whisper to
one another - sometimes audibly, sometimes not.

It's really knocking my confidence - which isn't like me at all... any advice? Written down it looks really silly and petty but I can't convey how toxic the atmosphere is, it's so strange.

Wow, that sounds horrible. Does your manager work in the same office? Are any of the other colleagues nice?

You're not being silly or petty, your work colleagues are.

If it's affecting the way you work, then you could keep a record of everything they do against you, just in case. I would be tempted to tell them to get on with their work or make some comment about the joke not being funny anymore, to highlight how pathetic they're being. I think you need to say something to them to show that you've not let their comments go unnoticed.

I've recently discovered that a colleague who I don't even share an office with, made some bitchy comments about me to a new employee. Luckily, another lovely colleague shut her down by telling her that she clearly didn't know me. I don't actually give a damn to be honest.

The problem is them not you.

Yes my manager is in the same office - she sits with back to them and is quite a loud woman (booming) and seems to genuinely not hear them, but they're also mean about her too because I can see them!
E.g. my manager always walks in on a Friday and trills "Happy Friday!" And this pair of colleagues always pull faces and do impressions of her when she's out the room. It's so petty!

One is 43 and the other 39 - I think old enough to know better?!

Nothing worse than middle age twats acting like mean girls in high school. They're pathetic really. Chin up! Some people just suck.

I think so! I just don't know what they expect to achieve by always been so negative and sniping ... will they jus tell carry on until they retire and dissolve in to a puddle of acid?!

Have you had an appraisal yet? If not, you should be due one fairly soon - you could always ask for one. I'd be tempted to mention what they are doing, in the way you have described it on here.

This is kind of worse than the office I worked in years ago where my colleague was stealing cash from my purse on a weekly basis (kept in my bag, under my desk) - that was pretty awkward

Raise it with your line manager. Do it in a way that phrases it “could I have some advice with how to deal with X and Y’s behaviour as I find it’s impacting my ability to do the job effectively”.

I definitely agree with bringing it up with your manager.
There's nothing worse than feeling like your back in high school with mean girls at the next table.

However, if you hear them snigger or say anything about you, stop what you're doing, look at them and ask them to repeat it (nicely, like you thought they were talking to you). Do it every time.
If they don't repeat what they said, just say "oh, I thought I heard my name/something about me/etc" - nasty people like that often have absolutely no backbone!

I have had an appraisal already where i said there were some "obvious tensions" in the office and my manager then started organising loads of work nights out to make everyone socialise... it's fun when we're out but they're back to their sniping selves back in the office!

I just don't know what they expect to achieve by always been so negative and sniping ... will they jus tell carry on until they retire and dissolve in to a puddle of acid?!

Haha! probably. But don't them drag you down to their level.

They're pathetic - unfortunately there are plenty of people like that who act like they're still at school. I found that confrontation works best - next time you hear them being pathetic, face them and ask them sweetly 'Did you say something? I just heard my name being mentioned' (or something to that affect). If they moan/complain to your manager (which they probably will) just say ionnocently you heard your name being mentioned and you thought they wanted to ask you something.

Then that’s their personalities and at least it isn't personal.

I've known people like them and none of them have been happy people.

I think your Manager is probably ignoring them.

If you wanted to be really immature you could try leaving blank messages on their answering machines - just make sure it's from an untraceable phone! Naturally I am way too mature to do anything like that Did it to an annoying nasty colleague and it was so funny listening to her screaming down her phone 'hello? HELLO!' as she was pretty stupid and listened to every single one of them

It's the same in my work. I have 2 bullies, one is only aged 20 but the other is 42.
They always winding me up and making snide remarks. I told my manager and her answer was "I overthink things" "look into stuff too much"
It was making me so miserable. In the end I called them out on it separately.

Have you confronted them? Just a gentle ‘Why are you so damned unpleasant when I do/say this?’ Wankers.

Bring it up. I had a colleague who I shared an office with (just the two of us) who literally never spoke to me, and if I tried talking to her she eyerolled me. She did this in team meetings too (not to anyone else, just me!) and every so often my boss would make reassuring noises along the lines of ‘oh yes, don’t worry, we know it’s her not you’. She eventually left and then when I was leaving I mentioned it to HR in passing as a ‘this wasn’t handled brilliantly’.HR was visibly mortified and asked me why I hadn’t brought it up with them, that they could have helped make it better. I’ve no idea If they could have but they clearly wanted to help.

As it was nasty colleague was actually fired for reasons unrelated to the bullying and they said (off record) if they’d known it might have helped uncover the shit she was doing sooner.

You need to confront these losers it's the only way. My bet is they'll slither back into the gutter they came from. They are bullies and cowards. Start winding them up, get them alone... one by one😁

When they start whispering and giggling, shout to them very clearly but in jokey way, "Come on you two, share the joke."

I know I should be braver.. they make it an unappealing prospect though as I fear it would be rile them. I wonder if I should mention it to manager again

So what if you rile them, what are they actually going to do?!

I find that in a difficult work situation, asking yourself the question "can they kill me, eat me or fck me?" helps. If the answer is yes, you're in the wrong job. If no, you are halfway to dealing with it already. Call them out, ask for a meeting, shit in their handbags.

*Don't shit in their handbags.

I would say exactly what duryne said to your manager, specifically emphasising it is affecting your work.

Definitely pull them up on it - they’re acting like dickheads and they need to be told. My supervisor was being really off with me one day, she wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, you get the picture. My stomach was in absolute knots but when our other colleague left the room I just said “Jane, what have I done to annoy you?” She obviously didn’t think I’d bring it up because she spluttered a bit and said what?! Nothing! So I said “because if I’ve done something you should tell me”. She said there was nothing so everything went back to normal. You just need to do it OP. They won’t be expecting it so I bet you’ll surprise them too. Might make it awkward for the day but better in the long run.