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Mil needs more help than family can provide- is there anyone who knows about this stuff who can help, please?

6 replies

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2019 11:51

Mil is 78. She has various minor physical conditions which mean she is a little unsteady on her feet, but up to now basically capable of taking care of herself. She has an adult daughter who lives with her, another who lives about 5 miles away, one son who lives in Italy and dp- we live 300 miles away.
She has bipolar, which is usually very well controlled. Her last major episode was 5 years ago. She started another episode in mid July, and despite adjustments to her medication, she doesn’t seem to be getting much better. She is unpredictable-mostly almost rational, but is prone to do daft things- leaving the gas on type of stuff. She catnaps, which means she needs someone with her all the time, day and night, both because of the daft things, and because she is increasingly unsteady. Up to now her DD’s and DP and I have taken turns to stay with her, expecting her to get better as she has in the past. But she hasn’t. And SILS, who are taking most of the load, are fast coming to the end of their resources- they both have full time jobs, and see functioning on very little sleep. DP and I take turns to go up to give them a couple of days break but it’s not enough.

Does anyone know what we can do? We’ve had crisis help on occasion but obviously she needs someone with her all the time. She has some money- but not enough to pay for 24 hour care long term. Her GP practice is pretty useless and had no suggestions “Isn’t she lucky to have such a wonderful family” was one gem!

We’re going round in circles-can anyone point us in the right direction?

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 02/09/2019 11:59

Bump

Ilikethisone · 02/09/2019 12:06

Have you spoken to adult social services?

Tbh it's really hard to get help.

You story was mine 4 years ago. I worked full time ans had young kids. My aunties and I were doing all we could. They didnt seem to care we physically couldnt continue.

He was in and out of hospital, due to falling etc. The time we got help was because he went out at about 6am when hevhratf a neighbour outside scrapping ice off their car. He proceeded to try and get in the car claiming it was his. My auntie, through exhaustion, was asleep and didnt know he has left. The neighbour called the police as grandad was geting aggressive. Police came, then when my auntie went out and explained he had dementia and just cried, the police organised to have him sectioned.

Then we got help. He ended up in a home, but didnt have to self fund as he had been sectioned.

Have you got a mental health team ri can call as well?

CherryPlum · 02/09/2019 12:27

There is an 'elderly parents' board on here, I don't know how to link to it for you but someond there might be able to offer advise.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

GretaBritain · 02/09/2019 12:37

Your family needs to contact your local adult social services team and request that a social worker is assigned to your MIL. They can come out and complete a care assessment and will recommend/suggest what support she needs. There will also a financial assessment to see what she can afford to pay (or not). Then it's a case of a what is actually available in her area.
They may suggest a care home if it's 24 hour support that is needed.

The local council is the fist step.

This is very basic advice as there are so many variables with each person/council but it's a starting point.

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2019 12:56

Thank you.

Do you know if a care home would have to be a permanent move? We’re still hoping that she will get better and be able to live independently again.

OP posts:
RB68 · 02/09/2019 13:00

Care home can be respite for carers as well

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