Anyone else’s dc nervous for going back to school?

[Birdie379]

Gosh DS is a worrier. He’s going into year 6 and we’ve had lots of talk tonight about SATS and his new teacher etc. He’s actually got nothing to worry about, his teachers lovely, he’s a bright lad, he’s got nice friends I wish I could turn the nerves off for him. I keep thinking of this time next year and how the hell he’s going to cope with the transition to secondary. I think we’ve got some tough times ahead.

Any tips on how to help him? Did anyone’s anxious pre teen get through secondary ok?

I really feel for your DS, and for you. It's awful to see your child going through anxiety and is so draining for them.

DD1 gets anxious. She coped ok with the transition to secondary in the end. She still gets particularly anxious every year for the May tests, even though we don't put any pressure on her and she's bright and is doing really well. She's just so hard on herself.

One thing I have noticed is that the more reassurance I give her, the more reassurance she craves. It's like a spiral of anxiety where she relies on my reassurance and needs my comfort the more I give it. So now instead of letting her chat for ages about her worries I 'allow' her to talk about it for a bit but I move the conversation on to be positive and remind her of the good things she can look forward to on the weekends, keep her mind on plans we might have for going out/nice food that evening/baking/reading/swimming/magazines/cinema, and get her relaxed by playing a board game or watching tv (wildlife documentaries usually). It sort of takes her mind off the worries. I do listen to her and give her chance to get things off her chest, I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her fears or sweeping them under the carpet, but I find that fun, laughter and enjoying simple relaxing stuff is the only real way my DD can get a break from the anxieties in her mind.

Dd is anxious generally about 'growing up' and I think moving to Yr6 kind of makes them see that they are moving out of their childhood. I got DD an adult colouring book and some good fibre tip pens, she finds colouring quite relaxing. Not that she'd want her friends knowing this (!), but I think it comforts her to do stuff that she did when she was 'little'. It's like it reminds her that it's ok to still be a child. She loves a soak in a bubbly bath and will even still take a couple of toys or playmobil people in there.

Apart from that, I just make sure she gets to bed at a decent time and that she eats good nutricious food - all obvious I know, but I take extra care to make sure DD is eating and sleeping well at times of heightened anxiety.

Thank you for your reply. It’s draining isn’t it. He’s always struggled really, since nursery days! I’m a very anxious person as is my mum and my Nan before her. It’s never enough to stop us doing anything but it does make life tough. DH is the complete opposite. I feel bad that DS has inherited my anxious trait as life would be so much more enjoyable if he could lighten up a bit.

I can read him like a book. He’s been fine all day and then suddenly, after teatime he went really quiet and asked for a hug.

It’s interesting that you say you don’t reassure your DD too much but rather take her mind off it. I completely understand that. If DS is anxious about something in particular he can talk about it over and over. I’m glad he does, I wouldn’t want him to bottle it up but sometimes it is helpful to have something distracting.

We always try to have something nice/fun on the horizon.

It’s just really hard knowing how easy primary school is compared to secondary. Seeing him now I just don’t know how he’s going to get through it unscathed and I’m not sure I’ve got the skills to support him.

Ah see I'm an anxious person too, just like my mum, and my nan. The way it's turned out is that DD1 is a real worrier/highly anxious, and DD2 is much more laid back. I totally know what you mean about feeling guilty that you've passed on the worry. They do say anxiety can be inherited, which makes you feel terrible about it.

I have had to inform DDs secondary about her anxiety. They are going to be providing counselling for her, which I'm grateful for. I was told that my DDs anxiety could get worse and to get help so that she has the 'tools' to manage the anxiety herself, as it may never really go away (and there will always be something to worry about) but it's all about learning to deal with anxious feelings.

See I wonder if I should be getting DS some help but at the moment he can cope with it, I can see it blowing up in secondary school though.

My DD is the same age and feeling the same. She does struggle a bit academically which doesn't help.

Randomly her cubs group did some extra summer sessions and being out and about trying new things has been really helpful I think.

I do think distraction helps as well as time to talk.