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Original poster

What's the most unsupportive thing your dp/dh did whilst you were pregnant?

47 replies

RainbowCrashes · 01/09/2019 14:53

I guess so I can gauge whether I'm being an oversensitive pregnant numpty or dp is in fact an arsehole!

Thank you

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 01/09/2019 18:30

My DF took my mother to the opera. It was 4+ hours of Wagner and she was heavily and uncomfortably pregnant.

She did forgive him, but she could never be persuaded to go to the opera again, believing that he was lying when he promised that other operas were shorter, quieter and funny.

TheFormidableMrsC · 01/09/2019 18:34

Ex-h was teetotal for 3 years prior to my pregnancy, for no reason other than he wasn’t that keen on alcohol. I, however, drank wine quite regularly until I became pregnant obviously! I made a passing comment about us both being teetotal now. He responded to this by sitting and drinking a bottle of wine every single night throughout my pregnancy. He stopped when DS was born. He must have felt so powerful and clever! Prick.

HumphreyCobblers · 01/09/2019 19:22

My DH declared one evening that he couldn't understand why I was so tired as the baby was only the size of a grain of rice, then offered to tape one to his stomach for a day to see what it felt like hmm

OMG you were growing a PLACENTA!!! I hope you informed him of that. I am sure you did Grin

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TheGirlWhoLovedTomGordon · 01/09/2019 19:27

Snagged another woman.

WeirdAndScary · 01/09/2019 19:31

Fell asleep when I was labouring at home and then spent an hour getting himself ready before driving me to the hospital. I think he thought I was exaggerating. Hmm

Spam88 · 01/09/2019 19:49

I had to stop for a sit down when we were going up that tower in Prague and he said 'you're so unfit, you really need to do more exercise'. I mean, it doesn't sound that bad now but I've rarely known fury like I felt that day...

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/09/2019 21:09

Wow some of these Shock positive comments are also welcome!

My dp has completely shut him self off since I got pregnant. He has zero interest in me or the baby. He hasn't even given me a hug just sits there silent with the odd really nasty comment thrown in. Not interested in scans, my wellbeing, just stressing me out. Baby was planned. He was like this with our first, but he's worse this time. I tell him how I feel but he makes it all about him. It's lonely.

OP posts:
Krisskrosskiss · 01/09/2019 21:15

My husband said a horrible thing when I was pregnant with our daughter he said 'you only got pregnant so you could get people to do things for you'
He was really stressed at work and it was very out of character... he did apologise very genuinely several times for it and I forgave him. I still think about it though it really upset me at the time.
I looked at the bigger picture though and hes always been wonderful with me especially when i had pnd after my son... I'd not have coped without him he was so hands on and patient. Hes very supportive in everything he does.. his actions over time show that he loves and respects me... and so on the odd occasion where hes been stressed and said something mean or acted nasty I've forgiven him... I've said mean things and acted nasty before...everyone does sometimes...
I think you add it all together to get what it really means... if you want to know whether someones an arsehole you cant just look at one thing they've done look at it all.

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/09/2019 21:37

KRISS glad it wasnt a regular thing for you and you worked it out.

Unfortunately my partner can't seem to cope with emotions. He doesn't react to them, doesn't seem to feel them. Unless everything is rosey he shuts off, plays the victim and makes it all about him. He's never been supportive ever. I guess I'm one of those mugs who thinks "they'll change" but he hasn't.

Anyway, as you were!!

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 01/09/2019 21:43

"He's never been supportive ever."

And you decided to have not one but two children with him?!

I suppose you'll have to seek out support elsewhere. Mum, sister?, friends, mumsnet.

Original poster
RainbowCrashes · 01/09/2019 21:45

Like I said, I believed things would be different 😕

OP posts:
Krisskrosskiss · 01/09/2019 21:46

If you really feel that way then perhaps after the baby is born you should make plans to leave him? Are you married to you own or rent? Do you have anywhere you could go and stay or any savings?
It sounds really sad for you Flowers

Loopytiles · 01/09/2019 21:46

Time to plan to LTB OP.

Trees2905 · 01/09/2019 21:48

Developed a gambling problem and gaslighted me into thinking that our lack of money was my fault/memory/mental health problems.

Walkerbean16 · 01/09/2019 21:53

Had a six month affair with a 20 year old.

SpanishTiles · 01/09/2019 21:54

To my face, very supportive, behind my back, shagging prostitutes. 🤷‍♀️

Ex now.

MitziK · 01/09/2019 21:57

As soon as I told him that his Tommy Hilfiger had started to give me a headache and made me throw up, he laughed and doused himself in it every morning, having gone out and bought all the matching toiletries on the way home that same day.

That stuff still makes me heave 20 years later.

dellacucina · 01/09/2019 22:00

Your partner doesn't sound great.

Mine will likely soon be an ex. Here are some highlights:

  • was angry with me for being tired in first trimester. Seemed to think i was putting it on since I didn't look pregnant
  • scolded me or glared at me every time I mentioned my pregnancy in a public area of our house because he didn't want our lodgers to know
  • made it so I couldn't get a head start on decorating the nursery, again because of the lodgers
  • insisted on starting a big building project in our home in the three weeks before my due date, over my protests
  • had to insist he come to some extra scans to check the baby was ok
  • when we went out to a bar for a birthday when I was at 41 weeks, made me wait for 30 minutes plus watching him eat food I was allergic to, long after I had said I needed to leave. He later told me he thought I was just being a bitch because I was jealous I couldn't eat the food
  • we could easily afford a doula and I was TERRIFIED of birth. Obstructed getting one for a long time and made the whole thing very difficult
  • when I was actually in labour and asked him to get the doula for me (he was on a call related to the building works, which were going on outside my bedroom while I laboured), he took several minutes to do it while I suffered through a couple of contractions
Dhalandchips · 01/09/2019 22:04

Beat the crap out of me. Needless to say, he's now an ex.

Rainbowknickers · 01/09/2019 22:11

(I had the worlds worst morning sickness for the first 4 months-I couldn’t even drink water)
Him-I need sex!ive been so understanding for the last few weeks-it can’t be that bad and it’s my right to have it!

He’s my ex-I dumped his arse right there

newtb · 01/09/2019 22:11

Mine tried to make me have an abortion. It's why I left him 2 years ago.

Span1elsRock · 01/09/2019 22:16

You do realise OP that you don't have to tolerate this.

Everyone has choices, even if they are sometimes very hard to make.

Flowers
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