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Original poster

How would you deal with this? Rudeness in 13 year old ds

19 replies

losenotloose · 01/09/2019 13:54

I'm really struggling. He claims he's just joking but I find it really rude/disrespectful. For example, I just reminded him to brush his teeth and make his bed. I then said I'd really like him to try and do these things without being asked. His response, "Really? I really don't care". Things like this are happening frequently and telling him not to talk to me like that etc isn't making a difference. Or mimicking/mocking me 'as a joke'. Again, I just think he's taking the piss. I've told him he wouldn't speak to a teacher like that etc but I feel I need to give him a consequence as telling him off isn't working! Please help

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 01/09/2019 13:57

So what do you do currently bar asking him? Do you remove privileges?

MadeForThis · 01/09/2019 13:58

Start removing his stuff. If he spoke to me like that I'd take phone/tablet/Xbox for a day.

He's being smart. He'll soon learn that it's not clever.

TeenPlusTwenties · 01/09/2019 14:00

What does he care about? Use that as your leverage.
Remind him that it's only a joke if both of you are laughing.

Or ignore and tell yourself it is just a phase.

Or say you aren't going to remind him these things from now on, but there will be consequences if not done regularly by Y time. (e.g. removal of X box, phone, treats). Might be easier to police not doing tasks than tone of voice.

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13 year olds Families
TheAlternativeTentacle · 01/09/2019 14:02

What does he care about?

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/09/2019 14:02

Well after this sort of behaviour last week dh told me I need to get more firm and start taking things away (He's right) so I've just taken his phone away. His reaction though, why are you so horrible to me, can you try and think about what you're doing, just ask me to stop and I'll stop and then storming out of the house. I feel I'm doing the right thing but he has a way of making me doubt myself (you're too sensitive, it's just a joke, you're overreacting etc)

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 01/09/2019 14:03

His phone!

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 01/09/2019 14:04

I like that one, it's only a joke if we're both laughing.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 01/09/2019 14:05

Yeah, they do that! But you’re in the right here and deep down he knows it

Basilandparsleyandmint · 01/09/2019 14:09

My DS almost 13 is like this and this past 6 months has been a challenge. He can be so rude and backchats constantly but then be absolutely lovely and on occasion he is Almost like a toddler and will cry at the drop of a hat.
I give way on the smaller stuff like another an extra 5 minutes before lights out etc
However rudeness and physical behaviour has consequences of gadgets taken away with one warning beforehand.
With his dad it can be quite difficult as it feels as if it’s a power struggle between them though and he does tend to listen to me more.
I am trying to give him room to grow,make decision and allow freedom but the backchatting drives me crazy.

Cherrysoup · 01/09/2019 14:15

He needs consistency, from you and his dad. Taking his phone is good, IMO as teenagers consider them almost part of their bodies. A sit down with both of you and a very serious chat about his attitude and how it’s not funny.

ChilliMayo · 01/09/2019 14:18

And that it's not for you to ask him to stop - it's for him to adjust his behaviour and not do it in the first place.

TeenPlusTwenties · 01/09/2019 14:22

Also, maybe proactively praise the desired behaviour:

DS that's great you got your morning routine done so quickly this morning, how about as we have time for it.

DS, thank you, I had a really good time with you this afternoon, I really enjoyed how grown up you were chatting with me about stuff.

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/09/2019 14:22

Thank you all. This is making me feel a bit better. I can struggle with trying to be fair, reasonable and give chances but sometimes just end up a pushover. Dh is more consistent.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 01/09/2019 14:26

The 'only joking / bantz' is used by school bullies. Say anything you want, then when someone gets upset say you were only joking, don't they have a sense of humour?

humblesims · 01/09/2019 14:27

His reaction though, why are you so horrible to me, can you try and think about what you're doing, just ask me to stop and I'll stop and then storming out of the house
All standard teenage nonsense. Keep calm and carry on.

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/09/2019 14:28

That's exactly what I think Teen.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 01/09/2019 14:30

He'll probably not go far if he hasn't got his phone!

SpearEyes890 · 01/09/2019 14:30

It will pass l love. Could hide his stuff and say the bad behaviour fairy wont return it unless he says sorryGrin

Jimdandy · 01/09/2019 21:38

Our 6 year old has a right mouth on her. Everything you ask her has to be argued out or gets a cheeky answer and I’ve groen tired of it.

We remove privileges in “stages” so she starts the day with 3 stars. 1st star she loses asks as a warning, 2nd she loses iPad time for the day, third star is a longer term sanction such as losing her treat at the weekend. Sounds really hard written down but we’ve never got past 2 yet and it’s really helped with her not running her mouth off.

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