DS2 gone now. Sad.

[Babysharkdoodoodood]

Just moved him into his accommodation at college. He's 19 and has finally decided to get off his bum and get some qualifications so is doing a level 2 course at an agricultural college. He's using the pension money from after his dad died to pay for the accommodation there, rather than travel 2 hours there every morning (& then back) which is sort of sensible. He's coming back at weekends as they only get catered Mon-Friday.

Eldest son left home about 7 years ago and has just bought his first house. I didn't feel so bad when he left as moved in with his dad.

However ds2 is autistic; not severely, but he still has problems socially and doesn't always get things, which is why it's taken so long to get where he is. It took 3 years to get 1 gcse(maths) and he's had and lost 3 jobs so far. I'm just worried about how he will manage on his own but am making myself let go. Dont want to be a helicopter!

He's sent photos of how he's organised his room and I'm just sad.

Oh well, going to gym in a minute to punch something and run it out of my system.

But isn't this a huge step forward even if it doesn't entirely work out?

Why don't you feel proud of how far he has come and be positive rather than being sad and focusing on the negatives?

Bless you it makes you feel so sad I know, it will get better and it’s great for him to become more independent

He will be back for the weekend before you know it. with all his dirty washing and a request for his favourite dinner

It's hard when they grow up.

I am proud, don't get me wrong. But that doesn't negate the worry and sadness at having a ds shaped hole at home.

It's so quiet here.

Of course you are proud but quite natural to feel really sad too, the feelings aren't mutually incompatible

It is perfectly possible to be delighted and proud and heartbroken at the same time. I was.
I understand, OP. I still miss my busy noisy house. Ds is still home, but he’s a social butterfly and often out.

It sounds like he's done really well to get a place at college. I can understand you feeling a little sad and apprehensive though. Try to enjoy your weekdays and he'll be home each weekend so you can make sure he's doing ok.

This is a good thing.

He should be very proud of himself and you should be too. Both my two are still at home, 17 and 20 but I am dreading it when they leave, I love having my kids around and always have done.

Feel all the feelings op. I think some of these comments have been abit harsh. It's normal to feel abit down when the kids leave home.

How amazing is your son- to find things difficult and do them anyway. I hope it goes well for him- will you keep us informed?

I think it's going to be bad in the evenings when I'm not working and DH is away. Ds and friends used to invade and it was a really noisy place. Tuesday to Friday I'm going to be on my own, but luckily I'm on lates and then nights.

Massive well done for you raising your children to get to this stage in their lives

Good luck with the adjustment... remember you can spend lots of time helping other parents on MN... Mine are young teens and it's daunting to think I need to get them from their current state to independent adults!

Be kind to yourself

I felt just like you when my son first went to Uni .The house felt much bigger somehow and not in a good way!. Uni was about 150 miles away no chance of coming back home every W/E!.We went to see him every couple of months ,and he would be back for some W/E and all the hols .TBH got used to it quicker than I thought I would ,and now he comes home every W/E as has a job much closer to home .If hes coming home at W/E it will soon become the routine for you too! xx

Does he have support in place at college via the student disability services? They can organise a lot of help for him.
Well done for him persevering to get the qualifications he needs for the course.

You will miss him, but friday will be here before you know it

Well done to your DS! Let yourself feel sad today but then try to change your mindset into feeling proud. It's lovely he can come home every weekend.

I felt like that when DD2 went off to uni. I had a huge DD2 shaped hole in my life. I gradually filled my time with hobbies and over time stopped missing her as much.

She graduated this summer and returned home. Now i find i have a massive DD2 shaped mountain in my home and it feels so weird. Nice, but weird!I am having to get used to her being here all over again.

You will get used to it OP and you will enjoy seeing him when he comes home for visits.

So far so good. He's on his floor on his own. No other students until next week up there. He's put his name down for student warden and there's a welcome bbq tonight.

Says he doesn't want to make too many friends as he doesn't want to get distracted from studying, which is good. Already thinking ahead to level 3 next year.

Both boys have not done well at education so far, so fingers and toes crossed for him.

Well he's been home this weekend. Had a nice day in town with him yesterday and treated him to a kfc. Apparently the food is dire lol. He's enjoying himself and lessons start properly this week. He's applied for a student warden job.

DH works away in the week so it's sooooo quiet, so I've been having treat food that he doesn't like, like fish and lamb. Full house coming up on Friday with both boys home so looking forward to that, but I'm working until 10pm so won't see much of them. Then going on holiday!!

You should feel very proud of him.

I rarely cry at reading a post but this has really got me. I have one child with ASD. He’s high functioning but struggles and I often think how he will cope without me. This is so lovely to read (although sad for you). I can imagine your worries. What a wonderful boy you have.

He is lovely. I'm so amazed by my eldest. He was actually excluded by his first school after 1 year in reception and then I had to fight the LEA for a year to get him into another school. He used to hide under the desk and despite me repeatedly telling them not t9 try to pull him out, one teacher did and the poor lad lashed out.
Then when he did get into a new primary, we had to spend 2 years building up his time in school, starting with 20 minutes. Grim days.
Now he's a team leader at Maccys with a wonderful gf and bought his first house. Proud to bursting.
Youngest has always been more of a issue due to ODD. To talk to you would be amazed at his intelligence. However he cannot get social stuff. He's got a couple of friends but he takes everything at face value. If he asks for something and you say, I'll be 2 minutes, then he will actually time you! He's never managed more than entry level English and it took 3 attempts to get his maths. He has a level 1 in art, but the local college refused to have him back and some of the teachers were downright nasty about him. If he takes against someone because of a perceived slight, then that's it. He wouldn't even communicate with them.

Just got everything crossed that he makes a breakthrough this year and just gets his head down.