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Why do I feel guilty?

5 replies

miniaturelocomotive · 30/08/2019 18:24

I've had a hellish day with DD2 while DD1 was at school. I did a long overdue blitz and cleared out some old toys and just general crap. I am a single Mum* to two DDs (age 3 and 5) and I work part time. I suffer with depression and have been struggling a bit recently and generally feel completely overwhelmed by all the responsibility I have. So today I decided to be pro-active and attack the flat. I got a lot done but while I was tidying DD was trying her very hardest to make a mess. She didn't sleep well and so she was temperamental anyway and she was just so demanding and unreasonable at times. DD1 came home from school and then they started fighting. I just felt completely and utterly worn down and I'd had enough. My DP came over as planned and has insisted that I take my book, go out for dinner and he will do their dinner, get them to bed and I'm not to return until he gives the go ahead that they're settled. He said I need some time to myself, to do what I want and not have the constant demands and responsibilities. I am incredibly grateful for his offer, and I have accepted it, but I can't help feeling guilty. He's very much of the school of thought that I need to look after me in order to be able to look after them and he could see that I was mentally on my knees. But I feel guilty for him for having to take on my responsibility and I feel guilty to the DDs that I'm not going to be there at bedtime (they are very, very comfortable with him but he is, of course, not Mummy). Am I wrong for feeling guilty about this? Or is my guilt understandable?

*I have a DP who doesn't currently live with me, I don't know if that still makes me a "proper" single Mum.

OP posts:
miniaturelocomotive · 30/08/2019 18:27

Ah, that was meant to be an asterisk with a footnote but I see it has instead bolded part of my post.

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 30/08/2019 19:50

Sounds like you really deserve a break. Not sure you’re strictly speaking a single mum though if you have a thoughtful involved partner who is your kids’ father (?) whether he lives with you or not.

miniaturelocomotive · 30/08/2019 20:33

He isn't my kids' father, which is why I'm not certain if I fall in to the category of a single mother any longer. I did previously. He is very committed and devoted to me and my children and, especially after this evening, seems more than happy to take on the role of step father. Perhaps I shouldn't refer to myself as a single mother anymore.

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EyeDrops · 30/08/2019 20:44

I think your feelings of guilt are understandable ("mum guilt" is definitely a thing!) but unnecessary. Your dp sounds fantastic, to notice you struggling and give you that break. Your girls will be fine and he happily offered to do it. Try not to feel guilty and just appreciate the freedom!

AnathemaPulsifer · 01/09/2019 15:46

If he’s not your kids’ father then I’d say you’re definitely a very lucky single mum :)

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