To move or not to move....wwyd?!

[Robs20]

We recently put our London flat on the market. Asking price offer within a week...totally unexpected in this market so we accepted. Planned to buy a doer-upper a couple of miles away (so still close to work/ friends).

Now the dilemma...DH’s work then suggested he move to work in their office in Somerset for long term career progression (would also mean 9-5 and no travel unlike now). Not ideal but we found a house in a quiet-ish town/ made an offer which was accepted.

I am panicking....the move will mean I am 100 miles from friends and I will need to do a long commute into london 2 days a week/ wfh 3 days and longer term try to find a job in Bristol....but is a nice house/ with a garden/ could be a better life style for future family life. DH is desperate to move and have a fresh start....our dd died suddenly at the start of the year and he thinks we need a big change. I am also worried about making friends....how do adults do this apart from through children (most of my current close friends are from nct)?!!

Any thoughts from people that have moved from the city to countryside and loved it/ anyone who regrets it? Apparently I need to make the decision as although he wants to make the move, he will do whatever I want.

Wwyd? Should I be brave and do it?

Hi, sorry for your loss, it must feel like such a difficult time. I haven’t done this before but looking at your situation, you will gain a long commute 2x days a week and have no close friends or family whilst wfh 3 days a week which could be isolating with no friends nearby? I personally wouldn’t want to right now - you could rent to try it and see how it goes? It sounds like a big gamble for not much benefit/ gain for you.....

I’m sorry about your DD! I really don’t know what to suggest tbh. Are you very close to your mum and dad? Would you still be able to see them regularly? It’s a lot to take in and a huge decision BUT if you do go ahead and it doesn’t work out you could always move back.

You may make friends quickly and settle in though, I hope you do. Sorry I’m very indecisive

Wishing the best of luck whatever you choose OP.

Ah! I am so indecisive too! It feels like a huge gamble for me (I am also the higher earner so the job stuff worries me too).
I know if I go into this with a positive mindset and give it my all it could be great.
My parents are about 3 hours away now so would be slightly closer (and we would have space for them to stay). We were close by there is a different dynamic now dd is no longer here....

So sorry about your DD.

My very good friends lost their child suddenly and made a few choices on the back of it.. I know a couple of years down the line there are regrets.
Will the option for your OH job be there in a year or 2? It's a huge change so soon after a huge loss.
Either way I wish you luck x

@fussygalore for some reason I can’t tag you...can you say what they regret? (Doesn’t have to be specific if that is too much to ask). My main concern is making a decision and regretting things....
I think other job stuff may come up for him. He won’t be promoted until he gets some commercial experience though (and that’s what the somerset role would give him). He currently spends 3 hours a day driving around to various work places so the thought of a fixed work place/ short commute for him (and future family life) is appealing.

I’m sorry to hear about your daughter, you both must have been through a lot. It sounds like you were happy to move just not so far?

Could you continue with your sale and then rent somewhere close to where you think you’d like to settle?

That way you can still be a little bit flexible if you discover you love a different village or town or possibly move back to London if you felt it wasn’t working? Having those possibilities might make the move seem less daunting.

Hi @Robs20 I would feel bad saying to much it's not my story to tell. But think along the lines of big decisions similar to yours. Selling a family home, complete life style change! They have reversed a few changes, at considerable cost (both £ and emotional I think) .

All I'm clumsily trying to say is it's still very early on in your loss, and it sounds like the Somerset job has been something that came up unexpectedly and needing a quick decision. Perhaps sticking with your original plan of staying local, buying a do it up etc wouldn't be a bad thing ?

I moved to a different country as an adult to be with then BF (now DH).

It's certainly not easy making friends when you don't have kids, but we've made friends with neighbours. I've also made friends in the local gym and found a monthly hobby meet-up where I've made some really close friendships, so it is doable!

Sometimes you have to take the chance on opportunities when they arise - good luck with whatever you decide.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I moved from London to Bristol 5 years ago, absolutely no regrets. At the time we said we’d give it a year and if it didn’t work out we’d move back - is that an option for you? It definitely took away the “is this a huge mistake I’ll regret forever??” feeling for me.

Is Bristol an option for you - could your husband commute to the Somerset office from here? That would be less of a culture shock that moving from London to a quiet-ish town, and the commute from Bristol to London isn’t too horrendous.

@elizzza I think your message is the universe telling me to be brave and move.....My dd’s name was Eliza :). I don’t believe in airy fairy stuff but surely this is a sign.
We could absolutely do it for a year rather than think of it as such a final move.

Whereabouts in Somerset will he be working?

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. I agree with others - do it for a year and see how it goes. I'd rent out your London home and rent in Somerset until you know you want to stay there.

I'd also give it a try for 12 months or so if that's possible. Good luck with your decision. Ps Eliza is a beautiful name xx

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am a believer in the benefits of big changes and starting afresh, so I am with your husband there. I definitely understand your apprehension though, Somerset is very different to London of course!!

I grew up just outside cheddar and yes it’s a lovely childhood. You will most likely have to drive most places if you’re not in a town, and ferry kids here and there. I did get the bus to school though so no need for my parents to do that. Bristol is a wonderful city too.

Have you been to the area much? Could go for a recce. When do you need to decide by??

Hi Robs20, I am so sorry for your terrible loss. It must have been a very difficult year.

I am from Somerset and if I didn’t have older kids in school, I would consider moving back there. However for me it would depend which town (can you tell us?) because they vary in feel and access to other places (eg Bristol, London for your work).

I would also think very carefully about whether you really want to commute to London two days a week from there as the train journey can be very long and not all places in Somerset are that near Bristol (or can take ages to get there via Country roads!).

I would also be concerned about losing connections you have made, in a place with lots going on, and feeling isolated at a vulnerable time.

That said you sound like a positive person and it is generally quite relaxed and happy in the West Country

@Robs20 oh wow! I am very happy to be your sign . I hope things work out for you.

So....DH would be working in Frome. He grew up there so we know the area pretty well. Definitely want to live in ‘our’ place rather than frome.
The house we have offered on is in corsham (a nice street, I know some people have said its rough..). We thought it was a good location for commuting for me (Chippenham) and him and easy access to Bath/ Bristol.
Thanks for all the comments/ well wishes.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I moved from the city (well suburbs) to the countryside and did it to marry dh. I have never regretted it for a moment.

I have made friends through work, church and my children, who I had after marrying and moving. However, I've never really worked from home (I do it a tiny bit but not three days a week) and I would probably find that very isolating.

In your shoes I would probably rent out your home and rent where you want to be working. Getting off the property ladder and back on can be complicated. Also, your home had memories of your child, maybe your husband wants to escape some of the memories and you may want to or perhaps not. It is very difficult to know what will be better for you. If you are not sure, I would not sell.

I'm assuming you've both had bereavement counselling to help you both?

I just want to wish you all the very best.

Sounds like you have done your research OP, and if your DH is from the area you obviously know your stuff. Corsham is only ten miles from Bath. Could you work there? Looks like there are hopes afoot to open the railway station there again which would be a plus for me. Good luck!