If you have three; is one always the odd one out?

[BlueCookieMonster]

Just that really?

Is one always the odd one out. I have two close in age. But would have a bigger gap (seven years) for a potential other one.

Would one really be the odd one out?

I grew up one of three - 2 girls and youngest a boy. For the most part we all got along well and all played together (and fought together too!) but sometimes my brother was the odd one out, being the youngest and the only boy. In our teens, I was the odd one out as my brother and sister were very close. But I didn't care as I had my own life by then. My sister and I then became close when my brother moved away.

Sadly, my sister died in her twenties. I was so glad I had my brother to share memories with. I realise that's not a reason to have three of course, but no matter what dynamic your family has, things don't always stay the same or turn out how you planned.

I am one of three and the middle child. My brothers did not get on at all, I got on fine with both of them as children so yes always one left out in my experience but that was my older brother choice as he was a bit of a dick towards my younger brother. I have a friend who is one of 3 and even as adults they are as thick as thieves so it depends too on the individuals concerned.

I'm pregnant with number three just now and it concerns me. There won't be a 4th. My two sons are 20 months apart and the youngest will be nearly three when the new baby arrives. I'm worried if the new one is a girl then the boys will leave her out or the three year gap will be too much. Not much I can do about it now though.

This is why I was one of 2. DF was the eldest of 3 boys (fairly close in age) and hated the dynamic even though he was close to both brothers.

I've had a number of close friends who are either one of 3 or have 3 kids and all report similar. The most positive relationships seem to happen when there are biggish gaps and the youngest is a different sex.

I have a singleton and then twins, worried Singleton would be left out but in reality it's one of the twins is always the odd one out. Have dc4 now too so hopefully there will be no more odd one out soon

I am one of three (the middle). None of us ever felt left out, however I have a better relationship with the older and younger sister where, now as adults they are not so close.

Not necessarily, family dynamics change. They don't tend to be fixed. At different times one will get on better than one sibling than another. But then it can change around. There is always someone to fight with but also someone to be friends with!

I’m one of four, and I don’t really speak to my siblings. I suppose it depends on the dynamics.

I do work hard with my two to make sure they get one on one time.

They are very different characters though.

No.

I have 3 and I'm one of 3. All 3 have individual bonds and are close as a group of 3.

It's a lovely dynamic

Sometimes one gets left out, but it isn’t the same child every time. Like this morning, when they were playing at being dogs - the eldest didn’t want to join in. But yesterday, they all played together equally in the park. Or maybe if the eldest is colouring, the youngest won’t want to join in.

Depends what they are doing. They mostly all get on really well. I love having 3. I love the dynamics of it. They never get bored.

There are 20 months between my two DSs. They get on great, best friends (most of the time). My DD is 4 years younger than DS2. They both have great relationships with DD, separately and as a group. They're really kind to her - much kinder than they are to each other! - and very patient. I worried that she would be left behind a lot but she's not so far - she's three but acts like she's nine. They're all really close and I pray that continues as they get older. I expect that there will become a time when they won't want their baby sister running along behind them but right now it's not an issue. We make sure each get the one to one time they need and that helps I think.

I've got 3 ds 1 and 2 have 3 years between them dd is 8 years younger than ds1. They all get on fine. Ds1 and 2 get on well most of the time and have similar interests. Dd annoys them because she is a lot younger but generally they all get on well. Ds2 and dd play well together and ds1 has a fantastic bond with dd. He is her go to if me or dh aren't about if she needs a cuddle or is upset

16m between 1&2 then 4.5 yrs till #3.

Yes one is often the odd one out but it's not always the same one. 2&3 play together a lot leaving 1 on his own, but if 3 is feeling tired he always goes and seeks out 1 and hangs out with him. So it's different all the time. 2&3 seem particularly close just now but 1 has just started high school so is sort of a bit separate because of that. 1&2 actually don't spend all that much time together despite being so close in age. All same sex.
Impossible to predict, and certainly wouldn't be the thing that would put me off having a 3rd

I'm one of three and I'm the eldest. There is a 3 and 4 year age gap between me and my siblings, for my brother and sister, there is about 13 months between them. They were very close as children and I was the odd one out. It never bothered me as I had my own friends and two cousins the same age. I also saw them as "little kids" and didn't want to hang around with them anyway.
I get on with both of them now and enjoy their company.

I have three.
I wouldn't say one is always left out, although it is more common that two do things together than all three. It does vary pretty evenly which one is not doing it, and it's almost always down to interests, or one busy doing something else, not a deliberate leaving out.

However I grew up as the middle one of three.
When I was younger it was always me and dc3, when I was older it was always me and dc1. I really and truly do not think they ever did anything just those two. It's strange, because actually they're probably more similar to each other than me.
Even more strangely dc1 has been trying to rewrite history and have told people it was always them doing things together when they were growing up. I do wonder if they believe it themselves because they didn't even sit around and chat with each other.

Both my mum and dad are youngest of three and keep telling us to have either two or four kids as they hated it! Both close to their siblings now though so it can't have been that bad?

If I had my time again I'd have four. Three isn't a good number IME one is always left out. My middle one has a different character to the other two so often it's her, but sometimes the elder two do something the youngest is unable to si they're left out.

It's a source of daily arguments and stress.

I’m one of 3, and whilst I don’t recall being left all none of us feel we had our parents attention (although they were present and very attentive) so for me- 2 parents = 2 children, 1 each. I remember being on my own all the time really

I am the youngest of three. Being left out was less of an issue than having enough 1:1 time with our parents.

My niece is the youngest after a 6 year age gap and apart from family holidays and things has always been at a very different stage to her siblings who do lots of teenage stuff together.

The above said, there are always positives and negatives to any number of kids and age gaps!

Same here @Passthecherrycoke! My parents were truly excellent parents but I also fended for myself a lot really. DH and I are both one of three and stuck with two (... still a difficult decision due to irrational hormones )

How do people know that if they had 4 one child wouldn't get left out? My mum is one of 6 & my gran is one of 10, they didn't always stick to playing in even numbers.

I have 3. 3 year gap between the first two and 4 years between the second two. So far 1 and 2 can be pretty brutal to each other (always arguing/ fighting/ niggling) but they both LOVE their baby sibling and he also brings them together and can really diffuse tension as they both enjoy laughing at his antics. I'm sure the dynamics will change over time though. I'm glad for them both that they have another sibling as their relationship with each other can be way too intense and destructive (hoping that will change too though)

I was one of 3 close together growing up. There were always 2 hanging up against 1 in various combinations.
I have 3 but 2 close together then a 10 year gap. That's been perfect.

Placemarking to read later. We had a tricky birth with DC2 and a megatraumatic one with DC3

I know for a fact I’ve a 4th in me but I think he wants to stop now. We have 2x20 month gaps, 2 girls and a boy. DS seems to overflow with love for both.

So I watch this thread carefully.

Ps: a friend’s friend wanted a fourth, one reason being even number and ended up with 5. What do you do then I wonder???

No. When my DS was born, his sisters were 3 and 2. They got on better than any siblings I know. Of course they argued, especially when they were teenagers, but they were easy to bring up. They played well together and with each other's friends when they came round. And they're very close even now, 35 odd years later. I love the laughter and banter when they all get together, now with their own families.