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Original poster

Mums with adult DCs

6 replies

Tulipstar13 · 29/08/2019 22:42

Back story: I'm one of the middle children of 4 siblings. Have left the family home for over 6 years and have had 3 DC's of my own since.

I've had to move back to my parents for a few months whilst renovating my home. During this time I have noticed that my mum treats me differently to my other siblings and even my DC differently to her other grandchildren. I get that every parent-child relationship will be slightly different however I can clearly see that she favours the sibling directly older than I and the sibling younger than me more than me and oldest sibling. I can also see she clearly dislikes my middle DC and purposely antagonizes them. (I've pulled her up on it and that behaviour has stopped). Anyway is this normal behaviour? If you have adult DCs and/or grandchildren do you treat them all equally or do you have definite favourites?

OP posts:
mygrandchildrenrock · 29/08/2019 22:50

I have 5 adult DC and love them all equally but some are easier to get along with, maybe we have more in common with each other.
I certainly don’t think I treat any of my DC of GDC any differently. It’s a family joke that whenever any of the DC used to ask who my favourite child was, I used to say “you but don’t tell anyone else”. At various points they all found out that they were all my favourites!

Original poster
Tulipstar13 · 29/08/2019 23:15

Ahhh, mygrandchildrenrock, I love the 'you're my favourite' line, think I might use it with my DC! Smile

OP posts:
springydaff · 29/08/2019 23:47

Favouritism absolutely horrifies me - I am aghast at the ignorance of a parent who isn't rigorous around this. I admit I am judgemental about it Blush

No it's not normal. It favours the needs and tastes of the parent and not the needs of the child and, crucially, the responsibility of the parent.

(I don't mean parents who struggle to eg like or bond with a child and feel awful about it. What you describe is selfish imo )

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Original poster
Tulipstar13 · 30/08/2019 07:24

I am massively disappointed about it Springydaff. I just thought I was missing something about the situation. If I bring it up there is lots of denial and tears and guilt tripping and I end up apologising to her Hmm. I just tend to try let it go over my head now, can't teach an old dog new tricks and all that. Hope I don't do this to my own DC.

OP posts:
springydaff · 30/08/2019 10:01

She sounds very manipulative Tulip Sad

Oldraver · 30/08/2019 10:15

Ive got one adult DC and a teen. There is no favouritism but I suppose that's been easy as there is 20 years between them.

That said my younger DB was always the favourite and whe you have ben in that situation you tend to make sure you dont do it wit your own

DS1 will occasionaly say in jest...but I wasn't allowed to do xyz, had to wait till 13 for a phone etc, but he re is teasing and realises things change as time goes on

It is massively hurtful when you realise your parenst have a favourite. Mine do have a tendecy to say "well we've always treated you the same, there are no favourites" which tells me they jolly well know there is

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