Finding it difficult to fit in

[Whatabanana]

We moved from Scotland to England five years ago and I just feel that it's been impossible for me to integrate. I have teenagers, a tiny part time job and am still shy despite being 40 odd. It's probably just me...but is it possible that the culture here is just too different to where I'm from? Has anyone else found it really difficult to find new friends in a new place?? Feeling so isolated and it's making it hard to like where I live.

Group exercise classes are a great way to meet new people. Try the local leisure centre.

Thanks, I guess that's worth a shot. I don't live in a city, maybe that would have been easier...

I think it is much harder to make friends as an adult. To make friends you need consistent and regular contact and time, both of which can be in short supply. Exercise classes can be good, especially if people go for coffee afterwards, or a language class or something. It isn't you - it is just hard!!

I moved down South from the North. It took me ages to make friends. It eventually happened through primary school. There are definitely general differences between northerners and southerners (I know you can't generalise) but keep trying clubs, classes and hopefully you'll find like minded people.

Thank you, maybe partly me but definitely partly circumstance. And such a pain to still be shy!

Yeah I have really really struggled to meet like minded people, but surely there must be someone!

Any chance of making friends through work? It's hard as a part timer, not doing so many hours. Could you increase your hours at all or even change jobs, if there's no social culture?

I've decided work is impossible so am looking for a new job, ideally with more hours.

I think that some places are simply a poor match for some people. I’m socially confident, make friends easily, and have moved about in several countries during my adult life, including living in London and Oxford without difficulty. However, I’ve found life in an English village very insular and isolating, despite doing all the right things — volunteering, baby groups, child at local school etc. I conclude the place isn’t a good match for me, and I’ve made my friends through work.

I have recently moved one year ago and also found it hard. I think it takes longer in this environment to make new friends as you are physically not with people as much at all compared with school and work etc. So first thing is don't be hard on yourself and recognise it will take time. Secondly set yourself a target for social activity to challenge yourself eg I want to organise one coffee morning once a month or week etc. Most people are in the same boat and will really welcome someone who is willing to grasp the nettle. You in turn will feel better for taking control of your own life

Thanks, that's a really good idea, I haven't been great at pushing myself. I do wonder if this place isn't the right fit for me but it would be really hard to move again too.

Is there any other Scottish people there? I don’t know if you are like us but us Irish tend to flock to each other when we are living away ! Hope you meet people soon can be so difficult. I have a sister who lived north of England,loved it,met a man,moved south and struggles now with friends unless she goes into London to meet people she already knows

Whereabouts are you OP

I'm near Liverpool. But to be even more complicated I'm not really Scottish either (Scottish connections but not brought up there). Most people I meet here have lived here all their lives so maybe meeting other outsiders would help?

Try Meetup groups or local Facebook groups for any category you fall into. The Internet can really help you find your 'tribe'.