Rules for DC regarding phone use. Ideas please.

[LemonTreeLemon]

My DD (just about to start Year 6) will be getting my old phone when I upgrade in a month or so.

I know that phone use is a parenting minefield so I thought I'd draw up a list of rules and their consequences in advance of her getting the phone so that everyone knows where we stand.

The rules I've thought of so far are

She must not change the passcode without telling me.

She must not do anything online that she wouldn't want me to see.

She must allow me to check her phone as and when I feel it necessary.

She must check with me before downloading new apps.

She must only be "friends " with people online who she knows in real life.

No phone use after lights out at bedtime.

Can you think of any more rules and do you think I've got any chance of making this work?

I'd really appreciate any advice from parents experienced in parenting tweens and teens.

i would change the last one to phones have to be left downstairs at night. all the best x

Data cap if it's on a contract!

If it's an iPhone app downloads can be sent to parents to request.

Yes to phone being left downstairs at night.

Not being glued to phone all the time.

No phones at dinner table, when in conversation with others.

Be nice when sending messages to friends - don't send something you wouldn't like to send yourself.

No social media apps unless expressly permitted - serious consequences like phone removal if that happens.

Another one of mine that might not affect you as much, as mine are teenagers, is that they have to be contactable at all times. As I pay the bill, I expect them to be reachable. I also have a rule now that they aren’t allowed phones upstairs full stop. I did that as my DS would just constantly be on his phone in his room and I was getting annoyed at him being antisocial.

If it's an iPhone, you can control most of those things through your iCloud family settings.

We have old phones that the DC use on occasion. The "screen time settings" means they CAN'T change the passcode, download anything, purchase anything in-app, and app access can be restricted to both a time window and a maximum amount of time.

More info here: support.apple.com/en-gb/HT201084

I was surprised to see just how restrictive we can be. They can only access certain websites (which we can control) via safari too.

In year 6 my rule would be - no phone.

No phones allowed upstairs in the evening/night and no phone at table in our house

Thank you for all your tips. Yes it is an I phone so I'll look into all the iCloud controls.

Ah, if iphone then iCloud family stuff really helps. Your first consequence of rule breaking can be reducing the screen time settings! And find my friends is good for keeping tabs on where they are if you're at the stage of encouraging independence but wondering where they are!

Phone on charge downstairs by X time is the one I should have been stricter on.

With DS we insisted on full access at any time, any transgressions and the phone was removed. In reality I'm too lazy/bored to wade through pages of teenage drivel on a regular basis so just did random checks.

We have full internet access in the house with no parental controls, on the understanding that if this privilege is abused then all tech is taken away.

We've done this once and it was such a shock to DS that it's never happened again.

No stranger befriending.
Nothing he wouldn't show to grandma.
Phone on charge downstairs 30mins before lights out - worth discussing fire risk on charging on soft furnishings.

No phone Mon -Wed evening in term-time. It means far fewer arguments about homework in secondary. It's not harsh. He has it on school bus & lunchtime so not out of any social loop.

When my ds got a phone we set it up through Google family link. It's basically setting up Gmail through your own Gmail. He can't download an app without me either typing in my password or accepting through the app on my phone. I can see how many mins he's used each app, set parental controls from my phone, can see his phones location on Google maps (though this feature is sometimes a bit iffy) and you can set screen time limits via your phone too.

I'd really recommend all of this if you're an android user.

And our main rules were that it stays downstairs at night, he speaks to me immediately if he is worried about anything re phone eg a text or an email, volume is on high when out and that it is not switched on in the morning until everything is done that needs done eg teeth, wash, dress, etc

Duh just read it's an iPhone. Ignore me. I'm ashamed to say I didn't read the full thread

Must still stay 'social' and keep up a range of activities. ie Phone for downtime only, not in place of face to face socializing, exercise, hobbies etc.

One warning from me, DD(12) was allowed to download free games with suitable age ratings, but some then had attached subscriptions. I complained to Apple and was refunded £181! (Incidentally I was amazed at the apple customer service, I wanted to stop all the subscriptions, didn’t expect to receive any refund, was also provided with a link to improving my parental controls, was very impressed at the outcome)