16 days old newborn- am I doing it right?

[Hannie123]

I have a beautiful baby boy who is just 16 days old. He was a miracle baby and I prayed for to have him for so long. After a traumatic labour and thinking I’ll never be able to bring him home, it’s crazy that this is all happening. But I didn’t realise how hard it could be. Only in the last 2 days have I felt somewhat calmer and enjoyed being around him but hubby is back to work on Monday. So for 9-10 hours, it’s just me and baby alone. During the day he sleeps about 2 hours, drinks milk, alert and awake for 30-40 mins then sleeps again. He repeats this until about 8 in the evening, which we then set him down for the night. Nights are lot more tricky and I can end up feeling anxious at times. Usually the nights are 8-12 asleep, the 12-2 then hourly feeds before he settles from 4-6. He sleeps in his own bed but sometimes we end up co-sleeping just so I get some sleep. I know it’s early days, but I’m worried about hubby going to work and being somewhat alone (I do plan to have visitors or going for walks). I thought I’d be this amazing mum and my baby would adore me and all my dreams would come true. And while at times it feels like that, I can’t helpnbut feel terrified about the nights and days I’ll be alone. Does it get better or easier and when so?

It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed at this point! I think it took me up to 5 months both times before I really felt that I knew my babies and knew what I was doing!

What you describe sounds pretty standard, newborns sleep, eat and poo and repeat.

If you’re lucky they’ll get wind and you can pretend they’ve smiled for you otherwise they give pretty much nothing back except snuggles.

The adoring smiles and cute interaction will happen in a few weeks when he’s developmentally able.

You’re doing exactly what he needs you to do right now, be kind to yourself xx

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Love, cuddles, milk and a clean bum are the important bits, everything else you'll figure out as you and your baby get to know each other.
It can be very overwhelming being a new parent, it gets easier.
Try to get some form of adult contact each day and if possible take an hour to yourself in the evening for a nice bath or to read a book.

I was convinced I’d be some kind of supermum when I had DD but the reality was that I struggled with everything and anything and relied on her Dad to do an awful lot. My ex DP left us when she was very young and I was convinced her and I would both be dead by the end of the year (or someone would come and take her away!). But we muddled through and some days were better than others and I slowly learnt that clean, fed, loved were the only things that really mattered. It’s so overwhelming at the beginning and you never know if what you’re doing is right or enough but it will be.
DD just passed all of her GCSE exams (with brilliant grades) and I could be more proud of how far her and I have come.

*couldn’t be more proud!
She got an 7/A in English 🙄

Honestly, you can't imagine how hard it is going to be until you have a baby, long wanted or not. It's hard work and isolating. It does get better around 6 weeks when you find your flow and baby smiles and gives back a bit though, promise. Keep an eye on those anxious feelings. A certain amount of anxiety is absolutely normal, but some mums need some help to cope with the feelings at first- nothing to be ashamed of- before I had DD I had no idea how much life would change, naively thought she'd just slit in. Everything you've written is normal- five yourself a break x

You're doing a great job! Baby sounds like a typical newborn. I remember the fear as evening set in - for me it meant epic cluster feeding until 12/1am which was exhausting! Things do improve and settle and honestly you won't believe how quickly your baby changes and grows. Congrats on little one!

I just read your message to my husband in awe of you. It’s amazing to hear what your daughter achieved and she couldn’t have done so without you being such a great mum to her. Wish you both the best and thank you for your reassuring message xx

You're doing a great job. Dd was a long awaited for baby, two mmcs and a stillbirth before this gorgeous little thing landed. I hated the first couple of weeks, I was just so anxious about everything. In fact I would say the first three months were like that.

You will be fine when do goes back to work you kind of just find your own rhythm and go with it. Do you have any baby classes or baby centres nearby?

Going to get baby weighed is something to do, getting out to cafes with friends or even just you and baby why he sleeps so you can relax and catch up with the world on your phone is sometimes just something to break up the day. And there's always Netflix. Netflix kept me totally busy in the early months.

Congratulations on your miracle baby. You sound like a great mum. It’s totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed at first and especially those first couple of weeks when your other half returns to week. Just take it gradually, see what suits you and you’ll soon find your own routine (if you want one!) time you get him weighed, meet friends and family. Do food shopping or bits indoors if necessary you’ll soon find your way of spending your days just the two of you. Enjoy him as I’m sure you will.
And as someone up thread said be kind to yourself too. Don’t always feel you should be doing something. If you’re happy to have a day indoors chilling then so be it. You will soon find what suits you both.

I’m so sorry to hear about your previous losses. I’m glad to hear you have your little girl with you now ☺️

I do have a few baby classes which I will check out with dh first. I also have a lovely waterview area to walk around, so am hoping to go for a walk everyday just to get out the house. I think a lot of it comes down to confidence really. Scared to go out and baby starting to cry

@Hannie123 it is so stressful when your newborn cries isn't it. It's a natural instinct, it's meant to stress you out so you tend to them
No one else is bothered though so don't worry about that and do remember that a baby crying for a little while in an otherwise loving home will not be damaged.

Babies cry. Really don't worry if your baby cries. Everyone expects it. I remember baby massage and the babies were in chorus with each other. No one will be bothered by a newborn crying in fact some people kind of like the sound lol.

Your post gives me chills, mine is 7 months now but I felt like you til he was 3.5 months. I won’t have another baby I can never do it again.

That said, at 4 months he started sleeping longer stretches and then I didn’t feel so bad. Mine would sniffle all night with wind and reflux and I would only sleep 5.30-7.30 am for weeks.

It does end. 12 years I took to concieve, and it’s not what I thought either.

I hope this doesn’t make you feel worse, it’s not meant to , but you are right, it’s lonely and scary and you will get through it

Sounds like you are doing just fine Lovely, I used to get anxious during night feeds, I think the quietness of the house didn't help, I use to have a night light and do everything on my bed so not having to move around the house too much, I found myself on occasion reading too if I felt a bit wobbly, nothing too heavy even mumsnet or Facebook.

I was so nervous when my hubby went back to work both times, but I found my own way and some days I was the image of SuperMum, and most days it was chaos, but somehow we muddled through and even now nearly a year after my 2nd was born I still have chaotic days, but they both go to bed with full tummies and a cuddle.

You will find your way of doing things when your hubby is at work, and a different way when he's at home, also don't get too hung up on routines yet, as I found, when I installed a lovely routine one of them would throw me a curveball haha!

Congratulations xxx

I thought I’d be this amazing mum and my baby would adore me and all my dreams would come true.

Everything you describe sounds very normal to me, so I would say you are and your baby does (in so far as a 16 day old can adore someone). He’ll know your voice and your smell by now so you’re definitely his most special person This is the dream and how babies are. If you’re nervous about DH going back to work maybe he could go out for a few hours tomorrow or you could go out with DS by yourself just to get a little used to it.

Honestly go to some baby classes and you will see that babies cry. Some a lot more than others but all babies cry. And when you are out the anxiety you feel when they start crying is hormone induced and nature’s way of making sure babies are looked after. Other people don’t feel it! They hear a baby crying and then quickly get on with their day.

I think your baby crying always sounds louder to you than it does to others, so don’t worry - and unless he’s hungry he probably won’t cry at all, a lot of babies go straight to sleep as soon as the pram is moving.

You're doing a fantastic job!
In reference to your post's title 'am I doing it right?' the answer is there really is no right or wrong😁
I remember feeling exactly like you and it took me a while to realise that if baby is loved, fed,warm and clean then that's all that matters. I always felt bad because I was winging it until I realised everyone is winging it too!
I'm still winging it and she's 17 now and heading into upper sixth form. I can't quite believe I've kept her alive for 17 years😆
It's an anxious time until you get the hang of things but from your post I'd say you're doing absolutely great 😊

Sounds very, very normal. I think most of us are winging it. I'd suggest stocking up on your favourite snacks and watching lots of tv for a couple of weeks (and cuddling your baby. They get big way too quickly) until you are more confident. Try and get out once a day, to the shop or to a friend or just around the block. It gets easier.

I always get myself and the kids dressed and the beds made before my husband leaves in the morning. If nothing else happens that day then that's fine.

Also, I tried about 6 different baby classes. Some have a very different feel to others, so I'd recommend trying a few.

Finally, I had a traumatic first labour. Many people will have the attitude that if the baby's fine then the trauma is part of the deal. If you aren't ok with it, there is help. Speak to your labour ward, gp or health visitor to point you in the right direction.

My youngest is 13 weeks old and the fog has definitely cleared now.

You honestly sound like you are doing so well, he sounds so well looked after and loved 💙 I have an 8 month old, I used to dread the night times coming, knowing I wouldn't be asleep for long before being woken, the fear he may scream all night or not settle. The fear was seriously worse than the night times themselves! It does get easier, the birth trauma lifts, you get used to having less sleep, fall into some sort of routine and the time starts flying and you wish them tiny again! There will be hard days but they will be outweighed massively by the joy at him hitting milestones and just generally being amazing. I think we all had these thoughts of what kind of mothers we would be before we gave birth, I imagine it hasn't happened for the majority of us but so what? If baby goes to 10 classes a week and sleeps through the night at 8 months that's great, if baby spends time at home with mummy because she's tired and doesn't manage to get him out for a walk for a few days and wakes 5 times a night that's fine as well! We can only look after our babies the best we can and that's good enough, he is fed, bathed and has a roof over his head, what a lucky boy he is 💙 My best advice would probably be if someone offers you a break then take it, don't feel guilty and take some time for yourself.

You are doing brilliantly, babies can be exceptionally hard at times but please dont doubt yourself

Wow all you lovely ladies are amazing! Thank you for taking the time to reassure me ☺️ I know I am so fortunate and this time will fly by too, even if it feels like forever some days. Thank you for being supportive and making me feel like i can do it 😅

My LO is 6 weeks old. Some days all she does is cry. It's really hard work. We're still working each other out. We will get there and go will you.

She sleeps in her next to me crib half the night and then she's in bed with me. Got to do what works for you and your baby,