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Shall I give up trying to talk to this mum?

14 replies

GlassOfRedPlease · 29/08/2019 15:17

We moved to a village a few years ago and to say the locals are unfriendly is an understatement! We bought a house on a new development which the villagers were very against being built.

Due to the location of our village, children are bussed to school in the next village so I have very little interaction with other parents.

All the other mums are good friends as their DC’s all went to nursery/infant school together. This really shows at parties and school events where I try to smile and make small talk but I’m generally ignored and end up standing on my own.

There is one mum whose DS has started playing in a sports team that my DS has been part of for several years. I know what it’s like being the new girl and go out of my way to chat to this mum on the sidelines and try and include her with all the other parents from the team.

I’ve seen his mum a few times at school events etc and she has ignored me! The boys arranged a day out today which required parents to taxi them. When I went to pick DS up, this mum had stayed with another mum and had a picnic. I didn’t feel confident going up to them so loitered near the exit. Another mum arrived to pick up her DS and the mum I know walked behind me, seemingly to avoid me, to go and chat to this other mum.

My question is, would you carry on trying to chat to this mum at the sports event because it’s a nice thing to do and she’s on her own otherwise, or would you start ignoring her the way she does to me?

I get that they’re all friends and they don’t want any new ones, but would it be so hard for them to say hello or smile when I’m clearly on my own and our DS’s are friends?

OP posts:
changedforlife · 29/08/2019 15:28

This lady sounds awful OP- I get that you are trying to be inclusive but the fact she doesn't chat you you when her mates are there- sack her off. You sound absolutely lovely by the way. You will meet like minded people in time.

GlassOfRedPlease · 29/08/2019 16:01

Thank you. I think you’re probably right. We’ve been here over 5 years and I don’t think the like minded people live here!

OP posts:
FoxFoxSierra · 29/08/2019 16:02

You've tried your best, in future just pretend she's not there.

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WanderingTrolley1 · 29/08/2019 16:07

Don’t think there’s much else you can do really. Let it go.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 29/08/2019 16:12

I’m living this! Sod her. You tried.

howrudeforme · 29/08/2019 16:13

They sound awful. Don’t waste your time on them.

NoSauce · 29/08/2019 16:15

I would just smile and not try to make conversation. She may have some MH issues, depressions, illness, bereavement or many other issues going on. She may just be rude. Leave her now.

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 29/08/2019 16:16

Aww I'd just leave it, she sounds an arsehole anyway.

GlassOfRedPlease · 29/08/2019 16:18

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo it’s hideous, isn’t it. I hate where we live. As soon as DS has left school we will move. We came from a town with a bad reputation which was much friendlier?!

OP posts:
stayathomer · 29/08/2019 16:25

I'm not going to tell you to try with her but I come across like this and I am so so sure I have Asbergers but maybe I haven't and this is just me. When new people come along I think that I should say something but either I don't or I gush away at them and scare them off. This varies each time I meet people so a lot of the people at the school gates probably don't know what to think but I could walk along beside someone and say nothing unless they pointedly make conversation. If there was a new person and someone I knew better seek out the one I know so might look like I'm ignoring the other because I'm thinking up ways to bring them into the conversation while simultaneously wanting them to not talk to me. This totally might not be this lady but you never ever ever know!

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 29/08/2019 16:28

It is hideous! I had soooooo many lovely mum friends where we used to live. I’ve wobdered if that’s because I met them all at the infant school, when we were all desperate for friends. 😂 From about Junior School it seems a lot harder.

I have noticed the mums at the local secondary school seem a LOT friendlier, and sparkier and more welcoming. So I’m joining the PTA and pinning all my hopes on that.

GlassOfRedPlease · 29/08/2019 16:31

Thank for your input stayathomer. It’s very possible, but she comes across as being very confident. Today, she took a longer route to walk behind me rather than right in front. I heard her talking to my DS and she knew I was there because he’d come over to me. She turns up to school sports matches with oranges for the boys etc. I’m beginning to think she’s just not very nice.

OP posts:
GlassOfRedPlease · 29/08/2019 16:37

Good luck stayathomer. I joined the pta when we first moved. It was beyond awful. And none of DS’s friends mums were part of it anyway. Our secondary school doesn’t have a pta. Even DS picked up on all the others ignoring me today. I felt so conspicuous sitting on my own.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 29/08/2019 16:41

Was just in case! And the mums are great where I am for pulling me out of it by chatting to me first, I'm very grateful for them, they're a decent bunch! Congrats on the move and hope it all picks up for youFlowersCake

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