I’m not sure if this is the correct place to be asking this but I really do need some help and.. reassurance.
I went on a ‘girls’ holiday this year for the first time, we left July 16th. I don’t usually drink, never really but I decided to let go for this holiday and ended up doing some shots and drinking quite a lot. We spent the holiday in Spain for 1 weeks. On the 18th we left the complex and went to the nightclubs, we had lots of free shots and drinks just for going into the clubs and because I don’t usually drink, I got very drunk, very quickly and moreso than any of the other girls. Our ages ranged from 19-22 and I am 20. On this night I remember dancing around with friends and feeling numb because of how drunk I was, a guy grabbed me who didn’t speak English and I couldn’t understand most of what he said but I do recall him thrusting into me and trying to life my dress. I knew I wanted him to stop but my mind and hands to push him away just wouldn’t connect so he carried on kissing me, and chest whilst touching my dress. I don’t even fully know how long this went on for, in my mind it was a few minutes but my friends say I was with him for around 15-20 minutes. I remember he said ‘now sex in ass’ at which point I was able to pull away from him and basically throw myself into the ladies toilets. I found my friends though and we went home. I felt sick by it all but honestly just forgot about it. On the last night I met a guy again whilst out and he seemed lovely, I enjoyed talking to him and having drinks but again, I got very drunk very quickly but I did consent to kissing him. But I told him I didn’t want to kiss anymore after he was being a bit forceful and that’s when I realised he’d had his hand up my skirt the entire time and had been putting his fingers inside of me. I felt sick, I was actually sick and asked him to go away, this was at our hotel as a few of the girls brought a group of guys back which he was with. It scared me that being drunk meant I didn’t even feel him touching me there. I had a long term boyfriend but we’ve been broken up for a little over a year and I haven’t had sex since so I was shocked I didn’t even feel anything that he’d done.
Again though, I didn’t tell any of my friends anything that happened with both guys and just forgot about it.
It’s now August 29th and I was due to start my period on August 3rd. I haven’t started nor had any symptoms which means I am now 26 days late and it’s been 59 days since my last period. My cycle length is usually 29-31 days. The last 6 days I’ve been feeling sick around nighttime, I’ve been having milky discharge quite a lot and the worst of all is this feeling as though something is pushing on my bladder causing me to have an urgent need to urinate which when I do, doesn’t relieve the discomfort. I’ve started to notice my stomach is getting a bit swollen and my mum mentioned today that I look really bloated which I do feel. My skin is really bad also, I have a gathering of spots on my chin and side of my jaw. My sleeping pattern is all over the place and I’m exhausted but wake early each morning for no reason.
I am just nervous a lot. I don’t want to do a pregnancy test because it seems stupid when I have no recollection of having sex but I am worried by that mans statement of ‘now sex in ass’ makes me think he was having sex with me already? Would I not have felt it? But I didn’t feel the second guy? Am I even experiencing pregnancy symptoms? I want to go to the doctors and plan to this Friday but I know they won’t do pregnancy tests (my doctors surgery doesn’t offer them as I looked online), shall I explain everything to the doctor or just let them check me over and see what happens? I know logically I should just do a test but the outcome scares me and I just can’t being myself to do it. I know none of my friends would understand and I’m worried if I explain my worries to them then they’ll just laugh and say I’m overreacting and it’ll be a thing they always mention as a joke. I don’t want to tell my Mum because she’ll get upset by what happened to me and she’s already very overprotective. I’m just worried and just want some advice please. Thankyou x