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Original poster

Underage drinking

14 replies

BBOA · 28/08/2019 23:38

What advice can anyone give regarding teens and underage drinking please? .
It's so hard for them and isolating if they don't join in with their friends. Let's be fair it's tough for them to gracefully decline without feeling they are lame or losing face. Does anyone have any good responses for kids to use if offered drinks by their peers?
Also, I am trying to avoid giving lectures as I was the same age when I started having the odd drink, but I think it's too young at just 15. What do other parents do? Do you let them drink? When? I know some of the friends parents let them have the odd can of cider.
Being T Total now myself and having experienced family members with alcohol problems I personally have a very anti drinking stance, but I m not naive. I know its going to happen sooner or later.
Any tips gratefully received! What a minefield!

OP posts:

summermadsession · 28/08/2019 23:45

I have let my kids take a couple of cans to a party from the age of 15 - it's pretty normal around here. We pick them up from the party and they have always been fine - looking and sounding pretty sober. Do your kids want to have a drink - have they asked you?

scottishdiem · 28/08/2019 23:50

My parents gave me and my sibling chats about safe alcohol consumption and lets us drink very occasionally a wee bit from about 14 and slowly increased that allowance over time. By the time we left for uni at 18 the allure of getting smashed as students just wasn't there for either of us.

I suspect we were far more monitored than we realised at the time but since one parent had been drinking since mid terms in school and the other left school at 15 to work in a dockyard, they would have felt hypocritical to demand we didn't drink at the same age.

raspberryk · 29/08/2019 00:00

I've been allowed alcohol at home from as long as I can remember? 8/9?. Weak pimms and Spritzers, bucks fizz, sips of cider. Working up to about 14/15 a glass of wine/2 alcopop/cider etc. Once I was 15/16 I was allowed to take alcohol to parties, I knew my limits, my parents drove me or my trusted male friend walked me home by curfew.
As a result I didn't get smashed out of my face til mid 20's

summermadsession · 29/08/2019 00:06

I have twins (16) - one admittedly wants to get smashed the other doesn't - she just wants to have a drink or two. Both have the same message about alcohol. I have warned them about drinking fast, drinking shots, drinking strong liquor - the night ends quickly and it isn't much fun being sick and no one wants to hang around with anyone who gets sick.

BackforGood · 29/08/2019 00:10

It's so hard for them and isolating if they don't join in with their friends. Let's be fair it's tough for them to gracefully decline without feeling they are lame or losing face. Does anyone have any good responses for kids to use if offered drinks by their peers?

I think all this comes from how you bring them up from when they are small - working on their self esteem, encouraging them to try things thier peers might not do. Helping them with how to respond if people tease or mock them for any of their choices (be that fashion or the activity or hobby they do or the bands they follow or whatever).
Also important to talk about situation when they don't directly impact on them - either when they come up in some TV or on a film you are watching, or something that has happened in the news, or you can bring into conversation a 'situation' that you heard about that happened to a friend, or colleague's dc (fictional or not).

It is much harder if this is the first time they are making decisions they think might not be 'popular' with their peer group.

Also, I am trying to avoid giving lectures as I was the same age when I started having the odd drink, but I think it's too young at just 15.

You can give information, without it being a lecture. Information about the amount of alcohol in different types of drinks. Information about eating first (or alongside). Information about drinking water in between drinks, and the need to stay hydrated. Information about the dangers of mixing drinks.

Also, having modeled a good relationship with alcohol over the years. Whenever we have had drinks as adults, we've shown that it is fine to enjoy a drink, but that it doesn't have to be a race to get plastered. Also that it is equally fine to not have alcohol and to still enjoy the party / occasion.

Then - let them know that you will ALWAYS come and fetch them if they feel uncomfortable in a situation. Use a code word if you must... maybe if they mention the (fictional) family dog in a text, you know it is time to ring them and say there's been a family crisis and you need them to come home immediately if that is what it takes.

All that said - 15 is too young to be taking alcohol to house parties, IMO. You are the parent. Let them blame you, to their friends if that helps. One thing having a taste / small glass with you as a family on occasion, but a different thing encouraging them to drink out with their friends.

Splenny · 29/08/2019 00:11

I have family members that are alcoholics and from 15 to 20 I got drunk a lot. I’ve told my dc about the dangers of binge drinking and we talk really openly about alcohol. My older DC 14 & 15 will have a shandy or a glass of wine if I’m having one. I don’t drink every often at all though.

summermadsession · 29/08/2019 00:12

@BackforGood What age are your kids?

BackforGood · 29/08/2019 00:26

@summermadsession 23, 20 and 17, so I've been through this stage 3x in recent years

summermadsession · 29/08/2019 00:29

My parents didn't give me alcohol to go to parties but we could always get hold of it - and we'd sneak to parties - they just never knew what we were up to...they will do it anyway if they want to - they'll just be a little bit cleverer on the how.

Krisskrosskiss · 29/08/2019 00:38

Kids in their teens are going to get hold of booze whatever you try and do so it's best to be realistic and appeal to their better natures about it. Instead of blanket bans have achievable rules like you dont want to ever see them so drunk they dont know what they are doing, you dont want them bringing booze into your home whilst they are underage, you dont want them drinking spirits at parties... I personally think it's best to acknowledge that they might ge tempted to drink the odd can of cider or alcohol pop at a party... they will be offered these things. I think it's important that you foster a relationship where they are never so afraid to admit to drinking to you that they end up in dangerous situations where they feel they cannot ask you for help. I think it's important in transitioning to adulthood to build a relationship with them where you encourage their personal responsibility around alcohol rather than just forbidding it and getting extremely angry if they ever break your rules.

user1471505356 · 29/08/2019 07:04

Drugs are another danger.

TreacherousPissFlap · 29/08/2019 08:00

We've just experienced this with DS and have employed the advice above really.

I do think 15 is too young (though heaven knows why, I was younger when I started drinking) but I'm not naive enough to try and stop it.

Our saving grace is that we live rurally and DS is dependant on us for lifts. If we feel he cannot be trusted we simply wouldn't take him (thankfully we've not got to that point)

We also have a code word and I insist he eats well during the day before the party.

DampInTheLakes · 30/08/2019 07:14

I have a 15 year old and have been through this recently. My son's peers starting drinking at parties at 13/14 with adults complicit in this which I was horrified about. I showed my son the NHS website guidance on teenage drinking that says abstain until at least 15 so that helped him to see it wasn't just me being a bore and he stuck to this advice. Once he turned 15 he started to have a couple of cans at parties and I let him have a couple on NYE. All his friends parents were throwing 15 year old parties with alcohol and I felt like I was fighting a losing battle, but I still had a zero alcohol policy at his own 15th. I'm not naïve enough to think they didn't have a secret stash somewhere but I refused to provide any or allow any in the house. Since then it's just been a case of open communication and reinforcing advice around being sensible, drinking water or pop between alcoholic drinks. My son doesn't seem to want to go and get smashed, he'll have a couple then just leave it, but then there's only so much booze they can get their hands on so it soon runs out, plus he's the type to learn from his pals mistakes, of which there have been many! As others have said, you can't really stop a teenager that wants to experiment and drink, they'll find it somewhere. So being supportive and understanding and encouraging honesty from them without judgement from you about what they're doing has been the best way forward for me.

Original poster

BBOA · 16/09/2019 17:59

Thanks all. Missed some responses there.. Do you have to watch your posts?

OP posts:

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