How much did your childhood effect what kind of person you became?

[Lily2811]

Just interested really. My childhood was very unstable, I often felt unsettled. I feel like this led me to have terrible anxiety as an adult. Thoughts?

I was thinking about this today. My childhood was secure, loving, supported. I was encouraged but not pushed in the things I enjoyed / were good at. My mum in particular was incredibly loving and she taught me so much about being a mother and a good person. I’m so so so grateful.

My parents worked hard and we had a good standard of living but money was often tight (I’ve been told when i was little it was really tight but I never knew at the time). They didn’t discuss money worries with us but there’d often be things I’d want that I’d be told no to because it was too much money. As a result I’m not very materialistic. If we have the basics and a loving family that’s fine!

My parents also made things. Both very creative and skilled. This has had a huge effect on me too. If I want something I’m much more likely to try and make it myself.

Mum got cancer when I was really little. Went through treatment for then was in remission for 10ish years. Was very ill from my teen years until she died when I was 21. It was horrifically hard but thankfully I’d already grown to be a resilient person (mostly because of her!) and we got through it together. Dad died when I was in my 30s very suddenly.

So although I did have adverse events to deal with, they didn’t break me because I had a very stable base and support. In fact those adverse events probably made me even more resilient, and like a PP said it gave me a feeling that if I could get through that I could get through anything.

I’m really striving to create a similarly happy childhood and stable loving home for my DD (without the cancer please). Forever grateful for my childhood and all my parents did for me (just wish I could tell them).

I had a good childhood with loving parents and I think that's why I have healthy self esteem now.

As a couple of other posters have mentioned, food was restricted (my DH says it's weird how empty the fridge and cupboards are when we visit my parents' house - just the things for meals, no snacks at all) and so as soon as I was old enough to get pocket money I used to buy food and eat it in secret. As a child I was skinny, but as an adult I'm overweight and my brother is obese. I don't blame my parents for this - they were trying to do the right thing - but I think they got it wrong.

nomoredramarama that's really awful, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

It's been really humbling and very thought provoking to read this thread.

I think your childhood will always play a part in forming you in adulthood, good or bad.

I think your childhood can force you to strive for better or try and mirror In adulthood.

From a different angle. I was a middle child. As a result a will never have 3 children.
I suffer terribly from middle child syndrome and I think it's made me a bit of a jealous and bitter person.
I'm generally very happy and outgoing.. but suffer terrible anxiety also.

But when someone gets something new, or does something I would like to or cant afford I beat myself up about it quite alot. I'm happy for them, I'm just not happy for me.

I think it stems from the fact my brother was bought a £700 moped for his 16th birthday, given a car for his 17th birthday, was given different amount of money for every GCSE he passed and went to his prom with no trouble, my sister still lives at home and gets bought everything she wants, I was never allowed pets but shes now been bought 3 rats, 2 rabbits, 2 guinea pigs, 2 African snails(why?!), 2 gerbils, one hamster, stick insects, and 3 cats.
Shes also been given money for every GCSE she passed, and was coaxed into going to prom, even though she didnt really want to.

Ok to me.. I was promised money for every GCSE I passed, never saw it.
I begged to go to prom, but mum never took me to find a dress and left it much too late, said I could have the money for what it would have cost instead.. I never saw it.
I was asked what I wanted for my 16th birthday, I said I didnt want a moped like my brother, but could they save that money and maybe I could have a car for my 17th ready to learn to drive. So I had a nail polish and a birthday card.. on my 17th I was told that was never the agreement..

I've always felt quite hard done by compared to my siblings. I try not too as we all get along really well and I love them. But I definitely feel like I've missed out on a lot of things.

Can totally relate! Have you had any kind of objective support for your anxiety? I’ve tried avoidance, meds, counselling etc. but for the last 18 months have been seeing a clinical psychologist who has been using CAT (cognitive analytical therapy) as a framework for our sessions. It is all about how the roles we fall into with others are rooted in the roles we were put in by our parents as a child - it has been life-changing! Different things work for different people, it might be worth exploring possible types of support to find something that might help?

I'm very independent as a result, and determined to be a better parent to DS than my parents were to me. I truly feel that I could cope alone if something happened to DH, as I've been "alone" for so long.

DH OTOH had an amazingly happy childhood and simply does not feel that pressure.

I had quite a shit childhood.. as much as I want to be young again, I wouldn't want to back to the childhood I had to endure. I was from a home where I was constantly bullied and picked on by a family member every single day (got called fat quite a lot as I was chunky) and I was also bullied at school. Back then, without blowing my own trumpet, I was the most kindest, quiet and very introverted person. I wouldn't say boo to a goose!

It hasn't made me a "bad" person or turn to crime or anything like that but I am a lot more defensive now. I don't listen to anyone, I don't let people tell me what to do and I always make my own decisions without consulting other people or asking for their opinions. I stick up for myself as well if anyone has a problem, they'll get an ear full. I am still not body confident and my self-esteem is not all there but it doesn't hugely affect me. It has made me a lot more independent but the biggest downside is I think I can be a right nasty, horrible and spiteful little cow

I had an okay childhood until my teens. My parents were mostly absent as they owned a pub and worked days and nights. We had plenty of money but I never felt loved.
It went pear shaped as a teen. My dad was an alcoholic who emotionally abused my mum. The business went bankrupt. My elder sister left home at 17 and then my mum left without telling me (noone came to pick me up from a school residential). I lived with my dad for a while who subsequently turned his abuse to me, encouraging me to take an overdose at 14. My mum lived in a flat so I had to sleep on the floor. We then moved numerous times until she got a residential post and I moved in with my boyfriend at 17 (now dh). I worked full-time from the age of 16. Completely fucked my A-levels but went to a crap uni.
I spent 14 years with an eating disorder. My mental health hasn't been great at times. I was let down by so many people, noone stepped in to help me that it has made me reluctant to ever ask for help. My dh's family saved me. They are the epitome of conventional and have taught me to be normal.
My childhood has made me who I am but it doesn't define me.