AIBU to expect ex to pay as promised

[Cirmhor13]

My ex and I split about 2 months ago leaving me with kids etc. Due to taking the household bills money she left me struggling and in debt. I asked her to cancel a Gap policy on the car we bought for her ( still has no license) so i could put towards my sons school uniform and extra rent I now owe. She lied about getting the money saying she hadnt recieved it but when my daughter challenged her it appears she did recieve it (£280) last week but used it to pay off her car finance.
She had promised to pay this; AIBU in expecting her to pay this asap as she lied to me and kids and spent important money on herself.? My son goes back to school next week and i need to spend about £150 on uniform. She has in the last 9 weeks only contributed £30 whilst earning over £2k but is living rent/ bill free at her fathers!
She hasnt seen 2 of my kids the entire 9 weeks and wont communicate either.
Im at a loss on how she can abandon her kids and take much needed money from their needs.
Btw im biological dad (trans woman) so please no anti trans comments!

She sounds bizarre, who doesn’t want to see their own kids for nine weeks. Weird. Is your son also her son or her stepson? If hers, surely she must want him properly clothed. She’s fairly running away from her problems instead of facing up to her responsibilities-financial or otherwise. Sigh. I hope she grows up soon. Sorry you’re in this situation. It’s hard enough splitting up without having money worries too. Shop at Aldi and reduce your outgoings, that’s really helped me. I know it doesn’t help the other things though. Good luck

Go through CMS, just buy the uniform yourself because you know what her answer will be!

Might as well CMS now.

Are they all her kids? Are you a SAHP?

Some nrp feel justified in not supporting their children. It make no sense to me either. The father of my children has not paid for a year now. Although cms are involved.

Give up asking. I know it is frustrating. Go through cms. They can take direct from earning. And then you don't have to be involved.

Thank you for your thoughts. I just cant get my head around it. She wont even attend a hospital appt for our youngest regarding an operation consultation even tjough i offered to help with her travel. She went to previous appts as they kept changing and i coudnt get time off work. Now im worried i wont know the full picture and make right choices for my son.
I had wanted to avoid CMS to remain civil for my youngests benefit but i feel forced into doing something.
I feel really upset for my kids

All 3 kids are both ours. G 20, b19 b13
Sorry dont know what SAHP is??

SAHP = stay at home parent

CMS is the right move - good luck

SAHP = stay at home parent

Unfortunately she's not (legally) obliged to provide for the older ones as there over 18. Morally I agree she should if they are still in education, but that would be between them and her.

CMS should be able to arrange payments for the youngest, though it might take some time (sorry that doesn't help right now), you can use the online calculator to predict what you might get.

Make sure you update any benefit claims to reflect your lower household income, and if you really can't afford school supplies talk to the school, they might be able to help or signpost other services that can.

*They're over 18

I work full time and because my daughter works full time and my son part time agency i cant get any financial help.
I will have to start charging my older kids rent which i wanted to avoid so they can save.
I was just so shocked she could do this and feel no remorse. Even if she had just asked if she could keep half for now im.sure we could have worked together but to lie to me and my kids multiple times knowing how important this was.
I am at breaking point and now she wont communicate with me at all!
Thank you for all the guidance/advice

Just keep your chin up. You will get through this. I’m starting to think she’s had some kind of mental breakdown. Why else would she not take her child to a medical consultation about an operation. Are you on good terms with her mother? Does she know anything further about the health issues your child is facing re the operation, or indeed about her own daughter’s mental health?

My daughter tried to contact both my ex's parents ( she is staying with her father) snd they both hot really nasty accusing my daughter of being abusive towards her mum and that she and her brother should pay towards looking after their younger brother.
It seems my ex has become a real narcassist. Apparently she is the victim and both my kids and i am to blame.
She has now lost her only daughter, her eldest son and is losing my young teen, although im not sure he understands fully.
I have invited her to be there for his operation in 3 weeks but she wont committ.
I feel i have to offer as she is still his mum!
On a positive note at hospital today i was asked several times if i was mum....made me feel good until i had to admit to the consultant im actually dad..lol

Of course you need to ask your two working adult children to contribute to running costs of the home, let them save whilst you struggle?
Definitely go to CMS.

That’s nice the consultant thought you were Mum! At least that would give you a wee smile amongst such difficult times with hospital visits and your ex’s shenanigans. It’s good to have something to cheer you up at such a difficult time! . Hope all goes well.

Thank you. Made me feel good about myself 😊 x