Tackling racist comments in small children

[ImagineRainbows]

Looking for some advice on how to tackle racist comments that my DD, aged 6 years, keeps coming out with.

We’ve spoke about different skin colours and why people have different skin colours, likened it to different coloured hair etc. Spoke about how everyone is equal, how there is no correct colour. Tried to get her to emphasise by asking how she would feel if someone didn’t like her based on something she couldn’t change etc. She takes all this in, agrees with me and seems to understand.

Then whenever she’s playing dolls / computer games etc. she always chimes up with “I don’t want the black one” 🤦🏽‍♀️

It’s awful to hear her say these things and no matter how many times we have the conversation she’s still saying this.

Any advice?

Is it racism or a preference? My niece has a preference for dolls with dark skin (like her) or red hair (like her bestest favourite aunty). So she may say ‘I don’t what the white/blonde one’ but would be stating a preference.

I think it’s a bit of both. She does tend to want characters that look like her but then she has also commented that the black doll is “ugly” and “looks funny”.

We live in a rural area and it’s overwhelmingly white British so she doesn’t really see many people of other ethnicities and I can understand why she sees it as ‘different’ due to this but we’ve tried to counter that by ensuring her dolls have a variety of skin tones, that she has a mixture of books etc.

Breaks my heart to hear her talking like this.

Are you looking for racism where none exists? Is she expressing a preference. 'I don't want the black one' isn't the same as 'I hate black people' (you get my drift) .

For illustration, if you offered her two stuffed toys and she said 'I don't want the green one' , that would not be an issue would it? Why does it become an issue if you put black into the equation?

There's a psychological study, we look for things that mirror our selves (someone brighter than I will be able to link to it) , so if she's looking for a character in a game, she is likely to pick the one that reflects her looks.

So perhaps another way of flipping it is rather than 'I don't want the black one' she could be told to be more forthright and say 'I want the blonde one' of 'I want the pink one'

I would aim to take her into the city so she gets used to seeing all kinds of different people, it's a very important lesson for children.

I had this with one of mine. I'm from London but the kids are growing up in a 98% white village.

I made sure I was really disappointed in any negative comments as you are doing, tried to encourage scenarios where the kids mixed more (we do a lot of stuff in London or at least In normal towns not just staying in village bubble). I also made sure she had some good role models - as she's into gymnastics we watch a lot of Simone Biles on YouTube.

It's not an issue now so don't worry - the fact that you are actively spotting it suggests it'll be ok for you too. You just need to broaden her horizons.

Thank you. Some good pointers.