Getting legally married before having a wedding

[RC10]

It's something I've been thinking about doing myself and wondered if anyone has any experience or opinions on getting married legally in a registry office (possibly even a year) before having an actual wedding?

For what purpose? If you need/want to get married quickly, go the registry and be done with it. I think second "weddings" are just silly. Save your money.

I very very much wish I had done this.

We had a registrar wedding in a hotel but it meant we were limited in our vows, choice of music etc as everything had to be non-religious - we sneaked in some of our choices as they were classical and in German so they had no idea.

But in the end we felt the service didn't really reflect us.

With hindsight we wish we had got legally married, maybe just with our parents as witnesses, and then put together the wedding we really wanted with the vows we wanted, music we wanted etc etc. DH's brother would have made an amazing celebrant too.

TBH If it's what you want then go for it but don't be surprised if some see it as a bit of nonsense.

Why not get married in the registry office then have the celebration whenever you want it. You can wear a full wedding dress if that's what you want but don't be surprised if many see the mock wedding as being a bit odd and almost childish.

I know people who have done this but only prior to weddings abroad that aren’t legal here or religious ceremonies that aren’t legally binding.

Seems ok to me. I wouldn’t tell people though because they might not be interested in attending the wedding as much if they know you’re already married

Friends did it. They organised their “real” wedding - a humanist one - and snuck to the registry office a week before in order to be legally married.

The wedding is the ceremony

You mean a party

Family member did this because a previous divorce prevented one of them from marrying in their Catholic Church. So they had immediate family to the registry office and everyone else to the church for a service a couple of hours later. Then reception proceeded as normal.

If friends of mine did this I wouldn’t think anything of it and I definitely wouldn’t get snooty about it not being a ‘real’ wedding!!

I wouldn’t go to a wedding a year later where the couple were already married.

Have a party for your first anniversary if that’s the case but a wedding party a year after the actual wedding seems very silly.

Friends did this, and beforehand I was unsure what I thought about it, and thought the ‘celebration wedding’ might feel a bit silly and pointless not being the legal wedding, but actually it was lovely. They did it to have more control over the ceremony (mixture of religious and non-religious elements) and it really worked well, and didn’t feel any ‘less’ for the fact it wasn’t the real deal.

Its not something I'd like, and would feel like is a bit dishonest almost, as guest. Like you're having a wedding for the fuss and fanfare rather than the marriage, which you did all privately.

However, when looking at weddings I do remember celebrants, I think. Would do a whole ceremony etc. as you wanted, with religious and non-religious reading, knot tying etc. Which you couldn't do at a registry office, with the intention you did the legal marriage the day or week before. So its definitely something people do.

Likewise I've known people to have a small marriage, with a big reception the week after for all friends etc.

Both of these though seem different to what you're suggesting. Forgive me if I'm wrong but is it the cost, like you want but can't afford the big do now but are still wanting to get married sooner rather than later?

We had a civil wedding, just the two of us with two witnesses, then 3 weeks later a church blessing with full reception.

It was important to me to have church ceremony but no vicar would have married DH due to his previous number of weddings! We've been together 15 years now, definitely his final marriage.

I think this is fine - I know people who have done this so they can have a blessing (but not full service) in a church, or to have a humanist or celebrant wedding. It means you can make the service more personal to you. Or it means you can get married somewhere that isn’t licensed for weddings.

Usually it’s done a few days/a week ahead. Why a year though?

My friends did it as it enabled them to have the wedding thry wanted - humanist celebrant, on a hill in their farm, hand fasting and own vows etc.
I know they went away for a weekend to thedo the legal stuff with sister and BIL but thry never really talk about that, it isn't their anniversary etc it was just the legalities (before children, so MN would approve)

How many did he have Professor?!

They organised their “real” wedding - a humanist one - and snuck to the registry office a week before in order to be legally married.

It's madness that a humanist wedding isn't legal in England.

I'm so glad we lived closed enough to the Scottish border to make it an option for us.

I think it would depend on why you did it, and how honest you were. I've been to a couple where there's been a legal wedding then church blessing, with guests just invited to the church, and that's fine. We did go to one and discovered after that they were already married which was a bit weird.

we did.
it's standard where we are, only registry office weddings are legal. vows can then be taken in whatever form you like.

It's madness that a humanist wedding isn't legal in England.

Or Wales.

My parents did this. A small registry office wedding for close family and friends with a small garden party/bbq afterwards and then the following week they had a church blessing which was basically a big white wedding with lots of friends and family and a (still casual) reception afterwards. They couldn't have the church wedding because both were previously divorced although still not sure why that was an issue being that neither are religious. I think they just wanted everyone to be able to celebrate with them but the registry office was too small to fit everyone. I think maybe they felt a bit like they had to have a 'wedding ceremony' before asking people to celebrate so did the church blessing?

A relative got married for legal reasons recently (visa requirements working abroad). The 'real' wedding will be next year or year after. Only a few people know they are legally married.

It sort of makes sense to me... Marriage is a legal contract. A wedding is a celebration of a relationship.

My brother and his wife did this. They had a humanist wedding but to make it legal the registrar had to attend too which was going to cost a few hundred pounds more. They had a small, low budget wedding and wanted to keep the cost down so they just booked a slot at the registry office the day before the humanist ceremony.

ColonelCathcart - he had 3, but I'm definitely the best, apparently...And he had no DC's.

Some friends did this. Quick legal wedding with 2 friends as witnesses on Tuesday afternoon then an amazing humanist wedding on the Saturday evening. It didn't feel like a false wedding at all.

I attended one of these and it pissed me off - only found out later . The couple had a quickie wedding for Visa purposes then a massive cathedral wedding a year later. Not a blessing, the whole wedding. Only found out it was a repeat when the bride got drunk and made a joke about it to the husband at the reception.

It felt fundamentally dishonest to have a second wedding - and I assume illegal. I can't imagine the priest would have known, as it requires getting special licences to marry there in order for it to be legal.

A blessing is fine I think - I've been to a few of those. Get the readings, music, then have a party