Anyone else just had enough of entertaining people?

[FajitasForTea]

For over a decade, my house has been the go to meeting place for my friends, partly because although the house is small, the garden is large and child friendly, and probably too because I have always tried to make sure there is plenty of coffee and cake and that people are having a nice time.

Over the years, with a few groups in particular, we have stopped taking turns visiting each other's houses (as you do when the children are small) and without me even realising, the default seems to be to come to my house.

Recently I've had enough. I'm just done. I don't want people to come and sit for hours being waited on. It's no longer enjoyable, it's just work for me. I have been suggesting that we meet up at coffee shops or in the park, but it's like wading through mud. Once I didn't check my phone for ages due to work, and when I finally looked at it, my friends had arranged the meet up, at my house, without even consulting me. Another time I finally got them to agree to another venue and within half an hour of us meeting there, they decided it wouldn't do and "let's go back to yours" I was put on the spot so agreed.

I am meeting up with them tomorrow, and I woke up this morning dreading it already. I have to work this evening, I was going to spend today tidying my house and batch cooking dinners for the next few days. I wouldn't mind taking the kids out somewhere tomorrow, but AIBU to want to take them out, have a nice day, then come back to my clean house and my ready made dinner? Rather than hosting everyone and doing it all again.

I know they are going to put pressure on me to come back to mine, there have already been messages on our WhatsApp group along the lines of "oooh isn't the weather meant to turn" and suchlike which I know is a precursor to "shall we just meet at yours instead?"

I know I'm being weak, but I've had a busy few months, I haven't been sleeping and I'm tired . I've tried suggesting other places and other houses to meet, I've tried cancelling and ignoring hints, but they're relentless and short of falling out with the whole group I'm at a loss

Just tell them, OP.

YANBU to put a stop to it. YABU to not say that you need a break from hosting every single time you meet up.

You must be so good at it that people think you love doing it.

There's no way I would be doing this!

Just say no.Say we always go to my house, and while I love seeing everyone I would prefer to have a break from being the host.Happy to take turns, but everyone coming to mine just doesn’t work for me anymore.

Posted too soon... This group are the most insistent, but to be honest, I've gone off having people round in general, unless it's a few friends on a Friday night for a bottle of wine, or a few particular friends whose have particularly well behaved children. I'm just tired of people coming and expecting waited on, sitting for hours, letting their children run wild until I discipline them. That goes for some family members as well. Over the years I've lost count of the amount of items that have been broken or destroyed after visits, not to mention the cleaning up I have to do. I'm just done with it all

YANBU at all! Cheeky sods. You could cancel. You could invent a building project which means the place is barely safe to live in never mind host in. You could come up with some simple phrases to repeat when they start hinting. Or you could tell them you think they’re taking the piss and risk a fall out - worst that can happen is you don’t have to worry about them bugging you for a while.

You have no choice but to be brave and say you’re having a good long break from hosting. Just be bright and breezy about it - but firm.

I'd have the fall out. Sometimes a good fall out can reset shit like that.

Tell them straight, tell them your plans have changed and you're not able to meet up and that while you're on you're fed up with being the hostess and any gathering are not going to be at your house for the foreseeable. If anyone can't handle that then tough. Don't engage, don't argue with anything that comes back.

People who insist are not friends OP.

I think I'm going to have to have the fall out, they don't seem to be getting the hints so I'm going to have to be blunt.

In general, most people who visit my house have visited countless times, but when I think about it, I have been to their houses only a handful of times. I'm very well house trained too and always bring wine or cake when I visit, and I don't let the children run riot at all.

I feel like I've been a bit of mug and not for the memo that everyone else has "oooh go to someone else's house because then it's less work". It was actually only after reading something on MN a while ago that I realised some people genuinely do think like that - if they go to someone else's house, their own stays tidy and they don't have to entertain their children!

In hindsight I've dug myself this hole, I used to have little craft activities set up for the children and everything so they wouldn't flood the bathroom

At the last minute, text them and say your toilet has blocked up/ overflowed. Your house is v. Off limits and you will meet them at whatever cafe. Or better still name one of your friebns houses ......Then when at friends house, oooo and ahhhh about how lovely it is and say oh next time lets go to Mary' s house and take turns like we used to etc.

I don’t predict a fall out over it. If I were your friend I’d be feeling crap that you were feeling this way and want to help make it right.

Be honest: ‘I’m feeling so drained by having people over at the moment. I just don’t think I can manage at the moment.’

Personally next time someone suggest meeting at yours or going back to your I would just smile nicely and say "oh, I'm a bit over entertaining. I think it's someone else's turn for a bit" then sit back. It sounds like you have done more than your fair share. Some people might assume you like hosting, some people do prefer hosting to travelling. Others will cheerfully use your house as a playground and keep theirs nice and tidy. However it has come about it's time to speak up and say that it no longer works for you.

I would shame them OP. Say quite openly that it’s exhausting and expensive always hosting massive groups and no one ever offers to help or contribute. If they are decent they will go hot with shame.

When you are out tomorrow you need to take charge of the situation from the start. Don't wait until everyone start saying they should go back to yours. Tell them you are feeling tired and unwell at the moment so you have decided your home is to be a place of quiet retreat so you won't be having anyone round for the foreseeable future. Do not give in to this. Leave the meet up early if you have to pleading tiredness. Stay strong. Good friends would support you in this, if they don't then they are not good friends.

I wouldn't make up any lies. Just simply say it's time to go to someone else's house as you have done your turn.

You could say your dcs are bored of their own house and would like to play elsewhere - that part is probably true, there's nothing more fun than different toys and a different garden.

Good friends will understand.

Are you still meeting them today OP?