What could we do for Christmas instead?

[SinkGirl]

This year it’s just the four of us - me, DH and our twins who will be 3. They are both autistic and one has other disabilities as well. They have no concept of what Christmas is, it’s their birthday soon but i suspect they’ll still have no concept of gifts, opening presents, etc. The tree will be meaningless to them, aside from the fact it’s another thing to climb. Last year they both refused to eat Christmas dinner.

I love Christmas, but really struggle with it since my mum died. My lovely sister had us all to stay last year but don’t want to impose on her again.

I don’t want to go through all the effort of Christmas dinner, wrapping loads of gifts etc when it’s just wasted.

I was thinking maybe we could do something completely different this year - I realise the boys won’t get much out of whatever we do. Maybe I’ll feel less sad about it if we are doing something different. Maybe a trip somewhere? No planes though.

Has anyone done anything different for Christmas? While I’d love to go to Lapland I’d like to save that for when they have a clue what’s happening!

We don't really do Christmas in our house. We tend to go to the beach for the day; take a picnic; watch the waves. We accept it's not a hot summers day there but we all love the time spent together

We've been to eurodisney a few times for Christmas, drove and stayed in the Davey Crocket ranch so we can have separate bedrooms etc... we love being away for Christmas!

How about booking an Air BnB or similar somewhere where your twins can be comfortable and happy with things to do - perhaps the Lakes or similar? I know it will be cold but it could be a nice adventure.

And while there, could you and DH have an extra special meal that's a favourite of yours rather than Christmas dinner, or order a takeaway - I know quite a few people who order an Indian takeaway to eat on Christmas day (I would love to do this!).

could you stay somewhere like this in cornwall? its near some lovely beaches/countryside and shops, so you could treat it like a normal holiday? there is also a heated indoor pool and games room

We're in Spain and Christmas here is different, their more important date is 5/6 January when the 3 Kings bring presents. Friends here and DS' classmates are intrigued by our Christmas cake and tree, crackers and stockings. Here they have massive nativity sets which take up half the house! (Slight exaggeration).

So if you go abroad you could have a quieter time with less Christmas fuss, but still see lights and trees, if travel us an option for you. Last Christmas Day DS and DH swam in the sea (nutters! We're near Barcelona, not anywhere hot) and the Pakistani shopowners opposite our house were having a cricket match against a 'rival' shop, so we stayed to watch and cheer on - it was great.

I

We let the DC choose the meal, we've never done a "Christmas dinner" much to my family's disgust. But then, Christmas is strictly the 4 of us (to avoid grandparent one uppance) so I really don't understand why they care. Last year was pizza. Year before was spaghetti and tomato sauce.

We also found it was too overwhelming when they were smaller, so instead of giving all the gifts on Christmas Day we gave one a day until New Year. Again, much to the family's disgust but better for the DC.

Watched a film together and went out after dark to see the lights.

Thanks for the suggestions- keep them coming! Going to stay somewhere would be nice, but then I think is it worth the stress of packing up everything they need, possibly disrupting their sleep etc when we already live by the sea, close to the new forest etc. Maybe I just need to look close to home and find something to do, maybe pay for a meal somewhere... it’s only August and the thought of Christmas is stressing me already!

If you already live somewhere near the sea/new forest why not just have a family day out, Nice walk in the country or by the seaside, film and a rest at home. If they don't really think about Christmas why make a fuss of it, just treat as a nice family time doing whatever you want.

Just get some food you really like, and do the same for your twins. Christmas doesn’t have to be the same in every home.

I’m trying to persuade my lot to go out for a curry, but they’re not having it so far!

Christmas is a time for festivities and celebration, but you get to decide what festivities and how to celebrate. The children don't understand much now, but they learn through repetition so what they don't know this year,they may look forward to next year. Do whatever makes you all happy [santa]

What about making it a no rules day at home.? So pjs all day..they get to choose breakfast no matter what it is, maybe a treasure hunt for a pressie or two, a new film, whatever your boys enjoy? Then when they are in bed a more traditional day for the pair of you..a nice meal crackers etc?

Make it about you and your DH. Food, drink, music, films you both enjoy. Let your DC eat what they like. A few new toys to play with and a trip outside for a walk. Perhaps borrow a friend's dog to walk for the novelty, if your DC like dogs.
I have lived abroad for many years, where Christmas isn't a celebrated, and have never bought into all the hype, expense and planning here. It's just lovely to have time off work and spend it with friends and family.

I know someone who had a minimal Christmas (just a few presents) but spent the money on going to Centre Parcs instead. Plenty of things to keep them active without the pressure of having to do Christmas.

Thanks all - I think the difficulty is that there’s not really anything the boys particularly enjoy, they couldn’t choose a meal or film or activity or anything. So I don’t think I’m going to be able to come up with something that’s really special for them and I guess that’s why I’m struggling as I’d love them to have a really special day, but they’re just not particularly bothered about anything at this point.

I guess we’ll just try and do things in a more relaxed way - hopefully by next year they’ll have more of an interest.

Having small children is hard; having children with ASD is harder (trust me, I know).

I wanted to give my DC all of the experiences that I had growing up that were wonderful - sleepovers, holidays, Xmas etc. They neither wanted or needed them. Once I was able to change my view on this, things fell into place.

My DC didn’t need ‘my’ Xmas. They needed routine, guidance, routine, stability and ROUTINE. Did I say routine?! 😂

So that’s what they got. No tree, but sparkly lights high up to add a sense of wonder that was more for me than them. A normal day with an unwrapped new toy. DH and I started new traditions so that we had a bit of what we needed, too. Presents and a meal on Xmas eve once the kids were in bed.

You will absolutely know, with certainty, what your DCs need for Xmas and what you and DH need. Work out what’s important to you all and do that. Don’t be swayed by other people’s expectations - remember, they are a step behind you and want things for your DCs that they feel are important, just like you did.

As the twins get older things like this will become easier. There was a time when my DCs started to notice the Xmas hype and wanted more and more to be involved. Be brave; take their cue, and your xmases will evolve.

Don’t lose sight of what YOU need though. There’s room for it all. Good luck!

but they’re just not particularly bothered about anything at this point.

They're 3. Your attention is pretty much all they need.

I would echo what a pp said about memories of Christmas. My (asd) DS didn't seem particularly bothered about Christmas as it happened, but the following year he did remember what had happened the year before. I think it must have been when he was 4 that he remembered his 3 year old Christmas.

I didn't cook last year we had a seafood platter and cheese, kids can have whatever they will eat and you can have your Xmas together when they've gone to bed.

Is your family nearby?
I would just pop in on my way back from a walk, have a drink and then go home.
Or you could see a friend?
M&S meal for two when you get back (you’re allowed to feed the kids, mind 😂)