Anxious and fancy a chat

[2004pickle]

I’ve posted before about currently having emdr and was reassured that you can sometimes feel worse before you feel better. But tonight I am so anxious my body is jumpy and sweating and I can’t focus on anything.
After an horrendous week last month after the therapy focused on the worst part of the trauma, I’ve found myself feeling slightly more settled since. Each session brings up distressing feelings but this week I’m particularly anxious again. I’m doing all the things the psychologist suggests to feel calm and safe and know I can ring the Samaritans if I’m struggling (I’m not suicidal but they’ve been great just when I’m struggling with the emotions brought up by the therapy).
But this evening I wondered whether starting a chat thread might help - happy to talk about the anxiety and listen to any advice or encouragement (or chat about anything!)
Also do you think it might be worth going on ADs during the treatment? I’m definitely much less depressed but the anxiety is worse as I have the emdr.

Hi
I didn’t want to leave this unanswered.
I’m not sure what emdr is but I know how debilitating anxiety can be so I hope you are ok.

@2004pickle Hi OP :) I didn't want to leave the thread without saying anything.

I'll have a chat with you if you like, though I'm not familiar with emdr, I do suffer with anxiety that sometimes takes over everything.

Was your last session quite recent? Are you feeling any calmer since you first posted?

I’ve had anxiety and know how awful it is. I don’t know what emdr is though?

One thing that really helped me was the worksheets of scenarios, and also practicing meditating to get out of the panicked cycle

Is there anything in particular bothering you tonight?

I've has emdr for ptsd and understand sweetheart.
You need to relive whatever upsets you until it no longer matters, but it is very hard.
Pease continue with this (as long as you trust your practitioner)
I've been out the other side for about 12 months and life is so much better.
Presuming that you have been taught how to access a "safe place" use that technique and keep going, you WILL get there xxx

Hi 👋🏻 I'm here if you want to chat

Thanks for the replies. Emdr is ‘Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing’ therapy. It’s effective for trauma. I had an awful few years with some horrible things happening in my life in a short space of time and in the midst of that suffered a trauma. I developed anxiety but tried to cope until it all finally caught up with me and I was exhausted and depressed and saw my gp. I’m having this treatment privately (with gps full support) but it’s bringing all the pain, trauma and anxiety to the surface. I don’t ever know what each session will bring up and you re-experience the old feelings so it’s been really tough and I’ve felt anxious in between sessions, although I can feel already how effective it’s been so far. It’s brought up lots of stuff from my difficult childhood too which I thought I’d dealt with but it’s all linked to my negative towards myself and worry about people judging me.
I know the anxiety is better at the surface than buried but it’s so debilitating I am filling in the worksheets she gave me and doing mindfulness but this evening I’m so panicky.

Raera
I trust her completely and have told her so many things I’ve never told anyone else. We had 5 sessions of just talking before we started the emdr to build that trust.
The safe place is hard to access as I have terrible intrusive thoughts when I try to go there. I’ve told the psychologist this and we have tried a new safe place this week.
Your post was so encouraging it made me cry!
I’m also anxious as I’m going back to work in a couple of weeks and no one there knows even though I’ve been unwell for quite a few months.

I know the anxiety is better at the surface than buried but it’s so debilitating

It really is. But you're on the right path. It will get better, just have faith in yourself that you'll get there in time.

I trust her completely and have told her so many things I’ve never told anyone else.

It's great that you can be open and get stuff off your chest with her. I remember I lied to my therapist at the beginning. Well not lied, but omitted certain things through shame, I suppose, and it just made me feel worse because then I'd be panicking about being caught out. Defeated the purpose really.

Do you think ADs will help at this stage? I think I should have gone on them months ago when I was very down but my gp didn’t actually suggest them and referred me for therapy instead (although nhs route was a bit of a dead end unfortunately). I am definitely not depressed like that any more but I know ADs can help with anxiety too. Or maybe I trust the therapy and my brain to do it’s job and to ride the storm? There are better weeks and worse weeks depending on how gruelling the session has been. I had been taking propanalol as and when I’ve needed them but have ran out now
Thank you all for being here this evening

PennyNotSoWise
I understand what you mean. I didn’t lie to my gp but I didn’t tell her everything and didn’t tell her the extent of how shit I felt. But I did tell her enough for her to understand I needed help and told her what I’d been through.

Shame is the worst thing for me it is what drives the anxiety and trauma

PennyNotSoWise
Still feeling panicky in my chest and struggling to focus on my breathing - I might just go to bed early.

ShirleyPhallus
nothing specific on my mind just panicky chest and feeling on high alert

mommybear1

Hi 👋

mermaid101
It’s so hard isn’t it and my anxiety doesn’t show on the outside much so it's very lovely too.

*lonely!

I had emdr for ptsd, I definitely got worse b4 I got better. The nightmares had almost gone b4 I started but came back x5. I did “recover” tho, the final session was like the sun coming up... sounds touchy feely but true. I didn’t go back on3 medication b’cos I didn’t want my sleep disturbed even more, but each to their own.

Ah OP, I really feel for you. There is nothing like that panicky, shallow chest feeling.

Can you try and do something else to take your mind off it? Warm bath with candles? Start reading a book? I also find that mindless comfort TV like Friends can help too.

Hopefully some night owls will come and join you if you need but wishing you well. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but just admitting you’re not ok is a HUGE first step and the mistake important bit in your road to recovery. However hard all this stuff is now, it just means you’re getting better so you should give yourself more credit. Be kind to yourself, you’re doing awesome and I promise you won’t feel like this forever

Having another panicky day. Have been filling in my triggers / processing sheet for the emdr and my brain is literally all over the place with the trauma itself, my childhood crap and lots of other related stuff. Apparently this is quite normal but bloody difficult.
Did any of you tell your employers about therapy/ anxiety/ trauma? I’m very reluctant for lots of reasons (both good and bad reasons).
Thank you again

I didn’t mention it to work, or anyone in fact. Wish I had. Can never have too much support and understanding