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Elderly mother with back pain - have I done enough?

2 replies

Blutopia · 23/08/2019 22:38

Just looking for opinions/advice really - DM is 81, still lives independently in a 1 bed retirement flat but was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 2 years ago. Her short term memory is dreadful but other than that she's mostly fine! Is a bit tottery on her legs now but can still get around, I visit her regularly and help with shopping, cleaning, appts etc, but apart from one very nasty kidney infection a couple of years ago she has never been ill as such.

Tonight I had a call from her careline service - she hadn't pulled her cord but had somehow alerted the house manager that she had severe back pain and couldn't get up, so the house manager got the careline service to call me. She has osteoarthritis in her spine and flare ups are not unusual.

I'm 30 mins away so went straight there. I found her in a lot of pain, had taken herself off to bed but was half dressed - she said she couldn't manage to do any more. She seemed a bit distressed at first but so relieved to see me, that she suddenly perked up - she has no temperature, was not unwell and was "with it". She was clearly in pain, but was able to get into a comfortable position, and with help even got up and went to the toilet ok. No incontinence, no numbness etc etc. Just intense pain in the small of her back (too low for kidneys). I made her confortable, got water and paracetamol and called 111 - through their tiresome but kindly and thorough triage process I eventually spoke to a doctor, as I was concerned about her mobility.

They ummed and ahhed and pondered about a possible compression fracture typical of osteoporosis - but which they only treat with painkillers anyway. Mum was now reasonably comfortable, got up and went for another wee without assistance from me (although clearly painful), declared she was tired and would I kindly bugger off.

Doc seemed content to lean on paracetamol and rest and see how she was tomorrow, so I left her dozing off to sleep with more paracetamol and a note of when she last took some by the bed, plus a note that I'll be back to check on her first thing.

She didn't want me to stay but I feel as though I didn't do enough...this is a bit new to me, she doesn't generally need this variety of looking after! The doc didn't feel hospital was necessary as she can get to the toilet by herself (slowly).

I'm wringing my hands wondering if she'll be alright on her own overnight, but she is very stoic and independent and doesn't really like being fussed over. She insisted that she'd sleep through the night now and was sure she'd feel better tomorrow, so I left her.

She's had this before and was fine after 24 hours, but she is getting more frail. I'm second guessing myself, did I do the right things?

OP posts:
CharlotteFlax · 23/08/2019 22:41

Looks to me like you've done everything right and more! Also, you seem open to offering more help should she need it. Try not to worry!

Blutopia · 23/08/2019 22:49

Oh, thank you I feel instantly better from a stranger's opinion on the internet! I just don't want her to ever have a moments fear or worry that she's alone, I want her to feel she can rely on me.

We both joke around that she never wants me to have to do any "personal care", she would rather crawl to the loo than have me assist her, but I would if it came to that. I just, you know, have no training for this kind of thing and feel like I don't know what to do. All the way there tonight I was visualising all sorts of catastrophes, none of which came to fruition. I'm probably over thinking it.

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