has anyone had a 15yo smoking weed/drinking and managed to get them to stop?

[pigeononthegate]

I feel so overwhelmed, DS2 is 15 (only just) and has gone off the rails. He got horrendously drunk a few weeks ago, really paralytic, it was scary. We grounded him and he's still on restriction in the evenings, we've done a lot of talking. This evening DH found a grinder with the remnants of weed in it and a packet of rizlas in his room. He cried when we confronted him and said he found the grinder in the street, the rizlas are his friend's and he paid his other friend £10 for some weed which they smoked today. He says it's the second time he's done it.

He's the sort of kid whose life revolves around his mates, wants to be out all the time hanging around MacDonalds and the park, doesn't care much about school work (he does well anyway because he's clever, but he doesn't see the need to work hard despite my efforts).

I would like to just ground him forever, tbh. I've never been happy about him hanging around in the evenings with his mates in the park etc. But that's the social life that's on offer where we live, and those are the friends he's chosen - I don't know what to do. I just want him to stop this shit. He's too young and too immature to understand what he's doing to himself and the fact that he's playing with fire. I've taken all his birthday money off him for now, sent him to bed and told him we'll talk to him in the morning about what the consequences are going to be.

Has anyone succeeded in turning their kid back from the path of drinking, drugs and general crap choices? What worked?

I've watched kids this age, and sadly much younger, destroy their entire lives on a daily basis for the last few years, and it's only getting worse.

They think it's a bit of fun, they have no idea of the harm it does. The residual layer it leaves behind after every joint and how that impacts their brain.

I don't know how to stop it OP, otherwise I would have far less patients. As a parent I would come down hard and cut off all ability to purchase and those so called friends would no longer see my child.

How to do that practically I do not know, but that's the only advise I can give you as a HCP who sees this ruining lives and families.

Explain that when he is old (in their 30s 😂), he will have a shit dead end, or no, job if he continues making bad choices like smoking weed. Then let him do what he wants but never give him money. He will either have to get a job or stop smoking it

Monsterdogs I talk until I'm blue in the face, I've told him and told him what the dangers and consequences are of messing about with drugs and drink, especially at such a young age with a developing brain and immature organs. We've had so many long and frank discussions about it. I'm so, so disappointed in him.

I don't know that I actually CAN separate him from the "friends" he's doing this stuff with. He's about to go into Y11 so I can't really change his school. We live in a fairly small community and he's known most of these kids since nursery.

I’m just going to (probably get flamed) offer a different perspective. I did all these things, starting at his age, and so did many people, who enjoyed it, got drunk and stoned in their free time for several years, then moved on. I’m sure I killed some brain cells but I had fun, I explored, learned things, and still achieved all I wanted to education and work wise.

My kids are still wee though so I’m aware I may not feel so relaxed when they get to this stage. But, I hope that I could listen more and talk a bit less. Yes you must have boundaries and expectations of him but it sounds like you’re not making yourself very approachable with all the fearmongering. You say you’ve had long chats though, so I’m hoping you’re giving him a chance to tell you why he wants to do this, what he got out of it, how it feels to be 15 and exploring the world with his friends, etc...

Let him do it on a fri or sat night then. But he has to get a job. He is at an age where he is making his own choices and if he smokes it only occassionally it wont be the end of the world. I think if you were to come down hard it would push him away. Maybe better instead to say ok, i respect your choice but you pay for it by getting a job. I smoked weed, still occassionally do, and am in my late 30s, very happy in life with great career. My dad had a hard stance when i was a teen pushing me closer towards my friends. I would probably have smoked a lot less if he was more understanding

I’m with mere and monster. Barring being strict to the point of abuse, a teen isn’t going to avoid alcohol or drugs simply because their parents say so. It’s going to be because they choose to do so. I think it’s far better to have open conversations about drinking safely within moderation, than just saying not to.

Weeds a bit different in that it’s changed in the last 20 years, and he’s smoking it. Weed isn’t something I’ve had to deal with yet but my first thought would be that if he continued to smoke it I’d be pointing out the dangers of whatever dodgy square of crap they’ve acquired, compared to the much lower risks of unadulterated green. Let’s face it there are plenty of the older generation that smoked the original around and he’s no doubt aware they didn’t all end up as homeless junkies. And possibly point out there are less addictive ways to take it than with tobacco.

Do you know the friends or are there new ones? I ask as DD's friend started smoking with new friends and then was groomed, aged 14, by a gang and is now a county lines runner and in all sorts of bother. She was a lovely kid but homelife was turbulent (parents splitting) so was vulnerable and loved the attention she got initially from them. They got to her via a school party where an adult recruited a number of kids apparently.

My son.
Thankfully he stopped smoking and the other stuff when he was about 28 ( nothing hard mind)
All good
It’s very worrying. Just hang on in there.
Never stop telling them you love them
My lad was a single father at 21 going nowhere
Now aged 38 he’s got three kids. The middle one is a straight A student in recent GCSEs and the older one who is autistic is brilliant at art and is going to uni
My son is starting an access to nursing course this September.
Hopefully all will be well with your son

Yes he had the shit dead end job as well
Being a father at 21 didn’t help
Funnily enough none of his mats went to uni but they’ve all done well

No one is a solicitor or doctor etc
The one who did the best was Theon who went to sea and then married a dentist and waited till he was past 30 before having his first child