How do you discipline a 10 year old? Help

[chillandrelax]

I have 4 children. They argue and fight constantly which I think is pretty normal for siblings. The oldest (10, ds1) has always been difficult. No problems at school but is always picking fights at home.

He is very literal and seems to think that we favour his siblings.

He has just bitten his brother. He bit his brother because they had a disagreement playing pool. I asked him to come in, he refused, I said if he didn't I would take away his kindle, he said he didn't care. I've walked off and hidden kindle he is still outside.

I honestly don't know what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Punishment in my house are removal of tech and chores.
List includes :
Take dogs out.
Clean rabbits out.
Tidy bathroom
Hoover.
Sort own washing /clean and put away.
Sometimes I help along and it gives the dc a chance to open up if they are having any issues, and a chance for them to know you still love them just aren't happy right now!
Sent to bedroom doesn't happen ever. Isolation is bloody awful imo.
Making sure as the oldest he gets to stay up and have a film night now and again is very successful ime too.

Thank you. Chores might work. I do think he needs a slightly later bedtime too. There isn't a huge age gap between dc1 and dc2 so they are often treated the same.

@Windyday I send my children to their room if they’re acting up, but mine only seem to act up if they’re feeling overwhelmed and need some time and peace to calm down. They only stay there as long as they need to (longest it has taken for them to calm down is 20 mins) and are free to come out once they’re calmer and feeling up for talking about what’s happened. I don’t see it as isolating them, just as giving them the time and space to regain control of their emotions. They don’t see it as a punishment and these days will take themselves off to their rooms saying something along the lines of “I want to be left alone just now” if they’re feeling angry/upset/over emotional.

Point is, it’s not always isolating and it’s not always a bad thing to allow them that space to think

Take away electronics and treats, rudeness is met with time in room to think but never for too long. I try to do sharp instant punishments but it can also be not going to do an activity if they've been bad mannered.

I just remember my ex sending ds (likely adhd not diagnosed back then) and he came downstairs carrying a tennis ball...
He admitted he had climbed out his window and onto the roof..
Alone time became dangerous.. Have always stuck to never sending them in... I have dc a year apart and making them separate is important ime. Easy to have as a pair but not best for them.

Also as I have 2 ten year olds who love to fight I seperate them into their individual bed rooms which can help. Then they complain they want to play together after punching and kicking each other!

We have 3DC, DS1 is by far the hardest and he’s 10. The only thing we have is a technology ban. At 10 it’s hard because they don’t have toys that can be taken away and I refuse to cancel sports lessons as I’ve paid for them!
The last tech ban we did was for 2 weeks, which actually seemed to work, especially as he had a friend for a sleepover and had to explain...!
But as a PP said, he acts up because he feels anxious so i try to talk to him about it.

Loss of electronics, sent to room (I agree with a PP that often bad behaviour is because of tiredness or being overwhelmed so going to their room and lying down can be beneficial).
I guess your more immediate issue is that you told him to come in and he defied you.But your consequence for that was loss of the kindle so don't get caught up in the defiance. Perhaps losing the Kindle was the wrong consequence and it should have been he had five minutes to go to his room or the other children were coming in and he was staying outside on his own.

It's so hard. He is tired but i struggle when he deliberately ignores me. If my parents had asked me to come inside when I was ten, I'm sure I would have done it! He doesn't seem to think of the consequences.

I cannot believe a ten year old has bitten. I would be seeking him some help to be honest.

Chores are not punishment. The things listed above as punishment chores are everyday parts of mucking in and being part of a family. We should be aiming to teach our kids that sorting washing and taking the dog out is normal, not a punishment