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Should I apologise? About being who I am?

3 replies

LifeIsGoodish · 23/08/2019 09:42

I have great difficulty recognising faces and remembering names. And putting names to faces.

Yesterday, for example, dh and I were waiting outside school for ds to come out with his GCSE results. A woman asked us "Has he come out yet? How did he do?" as she went into the school. I had no idea who this was, so gave a vague polite reply.

After she'd gone I asked dh who she was. Only one of ds's favourite teachers! Whom we have met at every parents' evening. We were standing with some other parents, none of whose dc were taking her subject, so she clearly identified us as ds's parents.

This happens to me all the time. People talk to me and I have no idea how they know private details, because I have no idea who they are. Even with colleagues whom I have known for years I recognise their face but cannot think what their name is - especially when trying to talk to a third party about them.

And if I see people out of context - not a hope!

Sometimes people are offended that I still don't know their name after so long. Especially as sometimes I do get their names/faces right, yet other times I don't. I feel bad about hurting their feelings.

But do I have to apologise to them? How often? Every time? Or will once a month do? I am learning to accept that I'm like this, yet beginning to feel bitter that I seem to be expected to apologise for being made this way.

I wonder whether the people who take offence have any idea how frightening and how embarrassing and humiliating being in my position can be.

Sorry, what I thought would be a two-paragraph post has turned into a bit of a rant.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 23/08/2019 10:16

It sounds like you’re face blind - I am slightly too. I’m just upfront with people about it after I’ve met them a couple of times and tell them that I’m sorry if I don’t recognise them when we meet again but I’m face blind and it’s not that I’m being rude. People are fine with it, and I don’t apologise every time (or if I do, only in a fleeting, “Oh! James! Hi! Sorry!” sort of way.)

NoSquirrels · 23/08/2019 10:21

www.nhs.uk/conditions/face-blindness/

I think a mild version of this is really common, OP. I find out-of-context people a struggle and sometimes in films I totally misremember the actor. I’ve never spotted celebrity in real life out and about. My DH is horrified as he has a very visual memory and is constantly saying “how did you not notice that bloke on the stairs was X”?

Branleuse · 23/08/2019 10:33

i get this to a lesser extent. Its frustrating and embarrassing.
I dont think you need to apologise profusely. I think its better to try and work out strategies to memorise important people, and if its someone thats more peripheral, then dont worry about it. If they know you well, then just be open about being terrible with names and faces

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