End of friendships

[popsadaisy]

I am just wondering how people here deal with the end of friendships?
I have had a discussion with a long term friend today where we've basically split up. We haven't been the same since the birth of my son last year but we've never really 'had it out' and really spoken about how we both feel. Unfortunately I think things are too far gone to save our friendship. I think she could have made more effort she thinks I could of and we have today realised that our mutual friend has been stirring the pot a lot between us. I need to come to terms with the fact we are no longer friends now and move on for my own mental health. Does anyone have any tips or stories of friendship breakups they want to share?

I find friendships are sometimes (maybe even 'often'?) 'of a time' or 'of an age' or 'of a circumstance' and naturally fade away when those circumstances change. Having a baby is quite a life changing event, so it is often a time when you lose the closeness of older friendships and begin to make new ones.

I'm quite fascinated at the idea of 'having a meeting' and 'deciding the friendship is over'. It sounds like Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory) and his relationship contracts, not a natural evolvement or cooling of a relationship which would happen normally.

I’m a bit confused-isn’t your mutual “friend” the one you need to be angry at if they’ve been stirring? What’s actually happened?

I think friendships are of an age or a time and I think, like romantic relationships they can make a mark on your heart.

I've always naturally drifted away from friendships or relationships rather than 'having it out' with someone. I know other people need this type of closure they have a need or a compulsion to talk about it. I hope this other mutual 'friend' isn't rubbing their hands with glee at your friendship ending.

Friendships ending can be painful.
Be kind you yourself OP x

Its also OK for a friendship to end or slowly fade and still to celebrate it for what it was. There doesn't need to be lots of hand wringing about it. It was good, it was better and then it just wasn't, people ebb and flow from our lives and it can be lovely.

What has happened in my life is that I have renewed old friendships some decade later, when our paths have crossed again or our lives are more 'in sync' again - seem odd to 'formally' end a friendship and close those doors.

My sympathies to you, it can be painful. I’ve had a friendship end recently - very badly and very painfully. I don’t think she realises how much pain she caused me. I don’t really seem to be able to move on from it much, it’s affected me greatly.

It’s a grieving process, I guess. As I get older, my friends mean more to me. I appreciate them and our friendship more. When one ends badly, it can be difficult. Be kind to yourself OP.

Treat it as you would a break up OP. Accept what was, has been and will be. Accept it and move on with a big thank you for the good and the bad times.

Thank you for your replies guys.
I think too much has happened and been said for us to go back to how we once were now maybe in the future our lives might cross again. My ex friend won't tell me exactly what has been said between her and the mutual friend she has just confirmed that the reason she has distanced herself from me is because of something that she has told her? Heaven knows what and I will be asking her. This friend has also be massively riling me up telling me that I deserve better and she can't believe how she has just cut me out with no explanation and she is apparently so angry about how rude she has been to me. It's an awkward situation because this mutual friend is actually going to be my bridesmaid next year, I have confided in her a lot over the last couple of years so it's upsetting if she has been shit stirring between us.