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Suggest rules for 1st mobile phone....

13 replies

CupoTeap · 22/08/2019 20:25

What rules would you recommend for a 12 year old getting her first mobile phone?

Tia

OP posts:
Piffpaffpoff · 22/08/2019 20:31

Ours has just got one this week.

The rules are essentially that I know the passcode and get to look at it whenever I want and if I find anything I don’t like, they lose it for a while. There’s no social media yet but once there is, same rules will apply and I have to be allowed to follow her.

I’m going to be pretty obvious about looking at it to start with but will ease off as time goes on, providing there’s no issue.

No phone or other devices in bedroom at night.

silverystream · 22/08/2019 20:56

Charge it every night at a fixed time in a communal room such as kitchen or sitting room. You have access to it. You will need to go through any social media etc to check privacy settings are set up correctly. You are responsible for the account so absolutely need access to content. Discuss that some things are against the law such as indecent pics and people of their age have received police cautions for having indecent pics on their phones / sending them and potentially could be prosecuted for them.

CupoTeap · 23/08/2019 04:48

That's certainly the lines I was thinking, want to get the balance right thanks

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Graphista · 23/08/2019 06:15

1 you have complete and unrestricted access whenever you want - no ifs buts or maybes

2 at 12 too young for SM yet, but when you do allow it full access to that too - educate yourself on the methods youngsters use to evade such rules, new apps that parents and other adults aren't yet aware of, having more than one account, possibly in false names - very easy to do and very common. They use the one with the correct name as "safe for parents/relatives" and another under a slightly different spelling or nickname for stuff they know you wouldn't approve of.

3 no usage after bed time

4 if school work deteriorates due to having that's grounds for losing it altogether.

5 ditto if she uses it to belittle or bully others. Very often on mn there's much discussion of how to help children BEING bullied or belittled by other kids via phone but it stands to reason that mners kids are no less likely to be the ones doing the bullying. Sometimes it's deliberate but it's also possible to be egged on by others into being "braver" than they would be in real life.

A thorough discussion of acceptable and legal use before she gets it is a good idea.

6 be aware of possible physical effects - eg worsening eyesight, sleep issues etc

thaegumathteth · 23/08/2019 06:44

Ds is 12 and his phone has to be downstairs overnight and if we want to check his phone at any point then we can, without him resisting.

moomoogalicious · 23/08/2019 06:54

Mine 12yo has to give her phone in before bed. We also have a timer and parental controls on our router.

Educate them about privacy settings and posting/sharing photos online. I have older dc too and its shocking to see some of the sexualised photos that young kids post on insta etc. Tell them that sharing indecent of underage people is illegal, even if its consensual.

Talk to your dc about bullying on sm and sending horrible messages and the effect on the other person.

ArgusFilchsCat · 23/08/2019 08:28

We have google family link on DDs phone. I can check and limit what apps and games she puts on there. Set limits to how long she is allowed on the phone and set a bed time. It has GPS so I can see where she is. I also have the passcode and if I want to check it i can. She's happy with that and often comes to me with things she's uncomfortable with (group chat's etc). I'm teaching her to be sensible with it (11). The only social media she has is Whatsapp. Though I imagine she will want more in Sept as she starts secondary school. Phone isn't allowed in room overnight either. Though she couldn't use it anyway! 😁 I like family link as she gets a bit more freedom with me monitoring remotely.

CupoTeap · 24/08/2019 10:05

Fab thx all

OP posts:
GeriAtric · 24/08/2019 11:28

No phone in the morning until up, washed and breakfasted.

CupoTeap · 24/08/2019 14:41

No that is a good one!!!

OP posts:
CupoTeap · 24/08/2019 14:42

*now

OP posts:
GeriAtric · 24/08/2019 16:09

My children are older and have had phones for a while but I've just imposed this rule after one morning too many of no one being ready to leave the house on time because of spending so long on their phones before getting ready!

TeenTimesTwo · 24/08/2019 16:25

Phone free times

  • after X o'clock
  • meal times
  • family times
  • homework

Personally I'd go for PAYG that they pay for from pocket money.

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